<p>Why</a> Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ.com</p>
<p>Interesting article, imo. I'm an Asian kid and I feel like I've gotten the best of both worlds in terms of parenting. How do you guys feel about this culture clash? I'd say it clarified a few things for me.</p>
<p>I read that in the WSJ this morning, I was actually a little surprised how blunt the writer was in saying that Chinese parents are unquestionably better than Western (let’s face it, she means white) parents. I don’t disagree with her points, but it was a teeny bit offensive.
I would’ve loved to see the response to an article written by a white man talking about white fathers being more responsible than black fathers…</p>
<p>The whole “garbage” thing I agree with… Not so sure about the rest of it though, I do not think there is any reason to push someone to work x hours a day at something that they hate and have little talent in. There are a lot of Chinese pianists that hate it are not good at it either (every note is right but there is no soul, no musicality) and yet they spend 3 hours a day practicing… Sounds like a waste of time, when the kid might be a good sportsman or something.</p>
<p>I agree with you, TheYankInLondon, but having read that article, it’s hard to say. Look at the girl in the article, she practiced a lot too but it wasn’t enough until it was drilled into her, until she played it with perfection.</p>
<p>^^ If someone finds love they will practice without being forced… Also “perfection” is something entirely different to genius. Jackie du pre’s play was FULL of linerties and imperfections but it is without a doubt genius.</p>
<p>^ Because many of them decompensate once they leave the parent’s house</p>
<p>That’s true. A lot of Asian kids go crazy when they leave for college or so. They never really develop an intrinsic affinity to do the things they were forced to do and since they aren’t forced to do things after they leave the house, they act differently.</p>
<p>What a *****ed up woman. Forcing her children to not have friends or interests? </p>
<p>Wow. I truly feel sorry if someone lives a life like that. That’s probably a lot of people on CC. I never really understood what my friends meant by having the “Asian parents” until now… and I have an Asian parent.</p>
<p>Haha, how could you be friends with kids who have Asian parents? By definition, that’s impossible :).</p>
<p>^I talk to them at school. Fortunately, none of them have parents crazy enough to not let them have lives, but they have the extreme academic and extracurricular pressure</p>
<p>Haha, I was just messin’ with ya. I feel ya though, this author is a bit extreme…I mean, what’s wrong with having fun just for the sake of having fun? Don’t Asian parents know that that’s healthy?</p>
<p>What I got out of this was that there exists two extremes between which parents can influence their children’s success. Pushing your kid to do well seems to work, but pushing too hard might make them crash and burn. On the other hand, giving your kid too much freedom in choice and allowing your kid to define his or her priorities may leave him at a dead end, a result of not pursuing marketable skills and focusing instead on a skill in which he was only ever moderately competent.</p>
<p>However, I don’t think one is inherently more dangerous to the child than the other. What constitutes psychological abuse in the US is often normal behavior in other cultures, and in such cases the children will not grow up at a psychological disadvantage because he builds up defenses, a certain indifference, because it is all he knows, and he learns to gauge parental affection through other means.</p>
<p>Each time I read something like this, I thank god for not giving me crazy Asian parents. Well my dad is one, but at least my mom is very “Western” as the author would’ve put it. I can’t imagine a life where every single bit of my life was controlled by my parents. Sports are my passion. I do them because I love them, not because my parents force me to. Likewise, although my parents originally forced me to play Piano, I play it now because I genuinely enjoy it. I just play music that I enjoy, and it becomes fun.</p>
<p>Also, I know a ton of kids who did grow up under with parents like the Author’s, and now that they’re in college, most of them have gone crazy. The same kids who were never allowed to go to any parties or have any semblance of a life in HS are the ones doing all of that in college. Then again, everything tends to go to equilibrium. If you oppress your kids at home, they’re gonna do the complete opposite once they’re on their own.</p>
<p>i personally think this particular mother took it quite a bit far, but for some kids who don’t like schoolwork, it’s the way it has to be.</p>
<p>I stopped reading halfway through, but it sounded like abuse to me.</p>
<p>Why the hell should you demand that your children be the best at everything? It isn’t possible logically. Stereotypically, Chinese people are supposed to be smart, well, I’d say they’re thinking very illogically here.</p>
<p>You have two Chinese flute players with the described parents in that article… They can’t both be first chair.</p>
<p>And the piano story is absolutely pathetic. If a kid doesn’t freaking want to play the piano… then why do they have to?</p>
<p>Seriously. I guess I’m a westerner, but this can’t possibly be healthy.</p>
<p>And is it wrong to have friends? Or be interested in acting?</p>
<p>I really just don’t understand.</p>
<p>Can we call bias like ****?
While the mother is a ■■■■… that’s messed up.</p>
<p>She’s got some preferential treatment for the Chinese lifestyle.</p>
<p>This sickens me.</p>
<p>Playing solely violin and piano seems like a poor strategic move… Let’s not let the Asians know they’ll be more desirable to colleges if they play bassoon or french horn.</p>
<p>wow, thats pretty horrible</p>
<p>As an Asian who (fortunately) has Western-style Asian parents, I know a bunch of kids whose parents are just like the one in the article, and I find those parents to be hilarious and/or abusive. The only reason the writer’s method works is because her children are talented. Really, if the kids were a bit dumber, it simply wouldn’t work.</p>
<p>Personally, I’ve had much more success in all facets of life compared to my friends (hehe, ego moment) whose parents are like the author. I attribute my success not to myself, but to my more easy-going parents who have supported me and helped me in whatever I want to do. Parents like the author of that article make me flatly embarrassed to be Asian.</p>
<p>Let’s begin with the fact that I come from a “western” family with a strong interest in music. I played violin for 8-ish years and gave it up because I was genuinely unhappy (even though I was decent), and decided to pursue things that I enjoyed instead (with help from my parents). And, as someone who played in orchestra for about 5 years, TRUST me when I say that plenty of Chinese moms have children who don’t play violin or piano (especially considering the orchestra I was in didn’t have a pianist). </p>
<p>I’m less concerned about “psyche” than I am about believing that there are inherent differences from person to person. She said something about kids not wanting to work hard, and I have to disagree. For [non-personal] example: my sister is a harpist who would practice all day if she weren’t busy maintaining an A-average and participating in community service. She just loves playing that much-and not because she had to struggle to be good at it, but because she loves music. My mother is my sister’s teacher, and I think the best part of her philosophy is that she <em>doesn’t</em> push my sister-she lets my sister set her own [reasonable] goals and helps her attain them/adjust them (when necessary). I think that’s helped my sister become much more self-sufficient. </p>
<p>And on that topic, I think my parents have instilled in both of us a work ethic that is unlike that of most of our friends/classmates. I was my own SAT tutor, and I got a relatively high SAT score compared to a few of my classmates. When they heard my score, they demanded to know who’d tutored me, and the shock on their faces when they heard that I was my “tutor” was unbelievable. I’m so grateful that my parents have made me my own best motivator.</p>
<p>I am so thankful for the immense freedom I had as a child. During summer vacations I spent nights at friends’ houses more than I did my own, and a lot of the time I didn’t even tell my parents where I was. And now I’m pretty successful academically, despite the fact that I never was forced to stay home and play two musical instruments until my fingers bled.</p>