<p>Hello parents! I'm doing some research for a project, and am hoping some of you will be able to help me. Did anyone here force their child to attend a particular college, against their will? And if so, why? Or, does anyone know of someone who did that?</p>
<p>I'm not looking to judge anyone, seriously, I'm just trying to find some interesting stories on this subject. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks so much!</p>
<p>Did not choose college for my child, she chose her own school.
We sat down had the $$ talk about how I could realistically spend/borrow, how much skin she would have to have in the game and after that it was all her.</p>
<p>If you really are attempting to reserve judgement, words like "force" aren't going to help show your sympathy. My mother and I also had the $$$ talk, and even though it was basically completely unfeasible, I went to my first choice school anyhow, and just got a couple of jobs. There wasnt pressure besides that.</p>
<p>Are you talking force as in, "You're going to go to Williams even though you really want to go to Ohio State" or as in, "You're going to go to Ohio State because we can't afford Williams"?</p>
<p>IOW, are you talking about parents not paying for their kids to go to certain colleges, thus forcing them to go to others?</p>
<p>I have no personal experience with this issue, but I had a few friends whose parents had the attitude that "if you go to an ivy, we'll pay private tuition, otherwise you're going to a public school." Obviously it's their money, so they ultimately make the choice, but I think that attitude does more harm than good because there are many great schools out there that are not ivy league (liberal arts schools, UChicago, etc.) that that rules out that could be a better match for the kid. if the parents have the money to spend on a private but won't because of the school's name, it seems sort of narrow minded. The friends that were in this situation had a tremendous amount of stress/pressure when acceptances rolled around and there were several who applied to like 6 ivies to increase chances, got rejected from all, and were very unenthusiastically matriculating at a state school, feeling bad about rejections.</p>
<p>I totally understand when parents can't afford private tuition, but I think its sad to see the "ivy or public only" approach.</p>
<p>My mother was told in l945 that if she'd withhold her application to the U of Chicago her mother would buy her a mink coat. My grandmother heard from the other immigrant women in her neighborhood that if a girl got too smart, nobody would marry her. My grandmother didn't have two nickels to rub together, so I don't know how she would have gotten that mink coat. But it expressed how strongly she believed education would ruin her daughter's marriage and therefore her future. Instead my Mom went to community night classes at Johns Hopkins University, where she met my father, newly returned from serving in WWII. He had turned down Harvard to go to JHU as an undergraduate. Having just been away from home since age 19 to fight a war, he didn't want to leave home again at that moment in his life. Instead, he attended JHU as a commuter student. My parents met because they were both always last-minute arrivals to the classroom. Married for 50 years; both parents became college professors and Dad a lawyer; 3 children, 5 grandchildren; Dad recently deceased. </p>
<p>Obviously it's terrible what happens in life when you don't get to go to your dream school (being a bit sarcastic).</p>
<p>Why are you writing this, just curious.</p>
<p>I have never heard of the situation you describe.</p>
<p>However, two related situations are common.</p>
<p>The first, as so many other posters have mentioned, is financial. The parent finds it necessary to limit the student's college choices for money reasons.</p>
<p>The second is ruling out specific colleges or types of colleges. For example, I know of parents who have forbidden their children to attend colleges in large cities because of a perceived lack of safety.</p>
<p>Someone I know has five kids and has a "rule" that they cannot go to college more than one hour away from home. She feels that it is important that they can come home easily and often, and told me that I would regret allowing my son to attend college on the opposite coast.</p>
<p>Both H and his brothers left their home the day after graduating high school. His parents did not believe in paying for college at all, and I guess in his mind, at 17 (he graduated young), it was time to fly. He ended up joining the service (rather than get drafted) and did a stint in Vietnam. Afterwards, he went to college on the GI and worked his way through as a house painter. I'm sure he would have been more than happy if someone else were to pay his way just about ANYWHERE. </p>
<p>The whole "pay for college" thing was alien to him when we were first married. I said, "OK, it's time to start saving for the kids' college!" and he looked at me like I had a third eye. It wasn't that he was a meanie or didn't love his sons, it's just that the whole concept of a kid not doing it on his own was foreign. He got on board soon enough, though. </p>
<p>My point is that a lot of these decisions to pay, not to pay, to pick the college, to let your kid pick the college---goes back to the way people are raised, their family dynamic, traditions, etc. BTW, my H has a wonderful relationship with his family to this day.</p>
<p>I would never limit my child's choice of college. I encouraged him to go wherever he wanted, far or near, private or public. The problem with that is it really gives them too many choices and the decision then gets a lot harder. He found a few he liked though and did go to his first choice.</p>
<p>A friend of a friend was accepted to both Cornell and Dartmouth. She wanted Cornell because she liked the school more and the programs it offered; her parents wanted Dartmouth because they felt it was more prestigious. So Dartmouth it is.</p>
<p>Thinking about this, I realized that my parents did this to me. Basically, they told me there was nothing I could get at any school other than HYP that they were willing to pay anything for. (It was a different era, of course. No one was worried that I wouldn't get in to Harvard.) When I chose Y rather than H, they were a little taken aback, and tried to talk me out of it, but didn't make too serious an attempt at that.</p>
<p>my maternal grandparents told my mother they would pay for her to join a sorority if she attended the university in their city.
(she wanted to go across the state with her best friend, although the city U is more prestigous)</p>
<p>My father was only limited in choices of schools by himself as he worked full time while attending the university and paying tuition ( although he lived at home while paying rent)</p>
<p>I also know parents of kids with learning difficulties, who said they would only pay for schools in state- not public schools necessarily, they did pay for private, but worried about them going out of state.</p>
<p>My daughter's friend's mom gave her a geographical limit -- she could only go to colleges within about a 5 hour drive.</p>
<p>Quite a few parents "force" their kids to go to community college (of course you won't find any of them on here...). And in most of the cases I've seen it's been a good idea.</p>
<p>weenie, you almost never see this in my neighborhood. One of my son's friends spent one year at a local community college b/c parents divorced, and the parent that they were living with just moved to NY (needed a year to be instate). He just transferred to one of the SUNYs. It worked out, although I don't know how many credits transferred.</p>
<p>A friend of mine just tried to do that^^^ (make her kid go to CC)</p>
<p>Her son went to state U for the first semester, had bright futures and all that, proceeded to party his behind off and ended up failing all but one course (which he had a C in) by winter break.</p>
<p>She is a single mom doing all she can to support his living expenses, and she was LIVID! She told him she was NOT going to pay for his second semester at all, unless he came home and did it at the local CC. After that, she was willing to give it another shot if he did well and stayed out of trouble.</p>
<p>Needless to say, he was NOT for that at all. So he went ahead and went back to state U for second semester, putting all his dorm and living expenses on a credit card.</p>
<p>The long and short is he did extremely well, quit the frat that was bringing him down, and has learned a valuable lesson. I haven't talked to her about whether or not she will help him pay off the credit card (too personal) but my bet is she will help him.</p>
<p>Caramel,
I hope you're not putting all this in a book!</p>
<p>The rest of my reply did not post. My son also has a friend who applied to college and vocational programs and was told that he could not attend bc of the costs involved. He worked last year at a grueling job for $7/hour, and will be working there, or at a similar job this school year. He hopes that his parents will send him to college or a vocational program a year from this September. He does not have a car, and is totally reliant upon their blessing at this time. He is a wonderful young man, with a very good attitude about his current situation!</p>
<p>No one I know has forced a particular college choice on S or D, other than to set financial limitations. I know the parents of some students from S's h.s. who set geographic limits --- no applications out of state --- because the student is only 16 entering college and they wanted him closer to home. </p>
<p>There was a thread earlier this year in which a student described that his GF's controlling father was forcing her to attend a college other than her first choice because he didn't want her going to the same college as the BF. I don't remember the posters' names, though.</p>