I have a slightly different take.
I do not think that all will be intimate and supportive simply because class size is small.
(Consider the source, here, though because my take is shaped by our experience that my 9th grade daughter decided to leave Andover over Christmas, primarily due to her not enjoying 4 hours of homework a day, which you didn’t ask about it so I’ll leave that aside.)
She did not find Andover intimate at all. And, to be clear, Andover was up front about this and never pretended to be a deeply scaffolded or intimate experience. Andover has always said they are for the independent kid who can seek their own connections and help. So I would believe them on this. Andover I think felt like NYC can feel to newcomers – lots of people, and opportunity abound, but it can feel really lonely without some thoughtful connection mechanisms in place.
I will also perhaps have a different thought on SPS. If your concern is “safety,” then I would agree with the idea that we could find issues at MANY schools, boarding or non. But, what I heard was a question about culture and accountability and meaningful change. As a mom of girls, two of whom seriously considered SPS, I gave this much thought and research time. Ultimately, we decided that meaningful change takes time, and it takes decisive initial action from leadership. And, we decided that there was not enough meaningful change happening right now for me to feel good about sending my daughters. I considered this issue for over a year (one kid in app cycle last year, one kid in app cycle this year). I’m going to assume you’ve seen the book signing event posted online from last year? Book written by an SPS alum about her experience there, and HOS Kathy Giles was there in a moderated discussion. (I say I assume you’ve seen it since it’s been posted here on CC multiple times in discussions about SPS. But if you haven’t, I would google.) It was probably the final data point I needed to know about whether any actual policy, procedure or cultural change was happening anytime soon at SPS. For us, the answer was a clear no, despite some (I’m sure) good intentions on the part of the HOS. My personal take: Either she doesn’t really feel strongly about making change, she isn’t skilled at taking action to match intentions, or the board – or someone- has her hands tied. In any case, our conclusion was that things will not have changed enough for our family to call that home. But, truth is, if that video didn’t raise any flags for you, then maybe you won’t come to the same conclusions we did. SPS has a lot of great stuff to offer! (And, we stopped researching this issue once we crossed SPS off our list in early fall. So maybe sweeping change has happened since?)
And again, I feel the need to share my lens which is: I’m strongly feminist, and I have zero interest or tolerance in my daughters having to drink any groundwater that harms their sense of identify and self or subtly shapes their sense of value and worth. (Language which will certainly have some readers rolling their eyes, and I’m Ok with that.) In my opinion, some of the SPS groundwater goes beyond gender lines, and beyond typical boarding school privilege culture. (More could be said on that, but I’ll try to keep this brief. But read the book Privilege – which was NOT anti-SPS in my opinion, but did describe a specific culture, and combine that with the aforementioned video, and it does seem as though there is a definite culture – some would call it school loyalty – that is quite unique to SPS. It didn’t feel right for our family. Our campus visit last year confirmed that sense in hindsight.)
And to be clear: lots of people LOVE SPS! And lots of people LOVE Andover! And actually I still love Andover and am a huge fan for the right kid.
But I’ll end by saying that there is a common post-M10 narrative that “you can’t go wrong” because “all are great options.” I would say that is true academically. But I do think you can go wrong on a lot of other fronts. I do think it’s worth the extra work to dig deeply into a school’s culture and find fit. It is disruptive to have to leave a school. Not impossible. And certainly worth doing if you land in the wrong place. (It makes me sad to know how many of my DD’s friends quietly lamented to her that their parents pressured them to accept their offer – and stay – at Andover, because “it’s Andover.”)
Anyway, it sure would be easier to believe people the first time they tell you who they are. (I wish we had full revisits this year.)
But academically and college-wise: you can’t go wrong!