Choosing between Andover, Exeter, Deerfield, and SPS

Hello!

This is my first post but I have been lurking for many months. I was beyond grateful to receive these admissions on March 10th. I was hoping for one admission … that would have made the decision a whole lot easier!

Would love to hear any feedback (good and bad) from those that have had direct experiences with these schools. Have read quite a lot on opinions of the “cultures” at these schools and it seems like everyone has their own opinion and experiences (as with everything in life!)

Some questions-
Would you say all of these schools would be academic equivalents from the eyes of college admission counselors?

Has the social culture at SPS been improved? Any parents of daughters who can share their experiences in the last couple of years?

Can schools as large as Exeter and Andover really provide an intimate learning experience or is it just too easy to get lost in the size?

Thank you in advance.

Congrats. I think absent any more info about you - why you applied to BS, what you want from BS, etc. (you give some hints but more would be helpful) - you’re likely to get understandably biased opinions from parents and students at the various schools.

The good news is that they’re all excellent!

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Sure thing!

Going to be a second-year student after one year at my local high school. I am a 3 sport varsity athlete and an eager learner.

From a very tight-knit family (slightly scared to board) but excited for the academics and athletic opportunities. Looking for a place where I feel challenged, supported, included and safe away from home.

Fortunately or unfortunately, all the schools offer what you look for. I suggest you look for a smaller school for “tight knit “. Maybe reach out to the coaches and athletes and see if some sports programs fit you better than others.

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All of the schools on your list are peers and each will provide everything you say you are looking for. If your safety concern about SPS is referring to the Owen LaBrie/Chessy Prout case, Owen is no longer there, and each of these schools (and all the rest, public and private) have had their scandals. None of the boarding schools condone or tolerate this behavior. You are no more or less safe at any of them in that regard (you will be safe), so I think you can set that worry aside. You and your parents can read some of the discussions from the archives on this topic:

Prep School Rape Case

Chessy Prout’s Book Released

Sex Scandal and Boarding School

Senior Salute and Other Boarding School Traditions

I’m Beginning to Feel Scared to Leave for School

Keeping Score at St. Paul’s

When the Sheep Dogs are Preying on the Sheep

But don’t forget to look up the scandals at other schools, too:

I’m Trying to Find a Good Boarding School but All of Them Have Scandals

Trouble at Miss Porters

Alcohol and Drugs at Boarding School

The Preppie Connection

…and the list goes on. Most of these incidences are pretty old, but no school has an unblemished slate just, perhaps, an unpublished one.

“Large” is relative. Exeter and Andover are the largest boarding schools, but each grade is only about 300 and classes are very small. That seems very intimate to me. There aren’t many stories here of students falling through the cracks or not being able to find their herd. Choate is also one of the larger schools but everyone knew almost everyone at least by sight if not by name and, within grades, the communities were known and tight. There is no need to know everyone at your school. No matter the size, your personal friend group will only be a handful. You will not get lost at any of your choices. However, if you prefer a smaller community/campus, that may help you narrow your choice.

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I have a slightly different take.
I do not think that all will be intimate and supportive simply because class size is small.

(Consider the source, here, though because my take is shaped by our experience that my 9th grade daughter decided to leave Andover over Christmas, primarily due to her not enjoying 4 hours of homework a day, which you didn’t ask about it so I’ll leave that aside.)

She did not find Andover intimate at all. And, to be clear, Andover was up front about this and never pretended to be a deeply scaffolded or intimate experience. Andover has always said they are for the independent kid who can seek their own connections and help. So I would believe them on this. Andover I think felt like NYC can feel to newcomers – lots of people, and opportunity abound, but it can feel really lonely without some thoughtful connection mechanisms in place.

I will also perhaps have a different thought on SPS. If your concern is “safety,” then I would agree with the idea that we could find issues at MANY schools, boarding or non. But, what I heard was a question about culture and accountability and meaningful change. As a mom of girls, two of whom seriously considered SPS, I gave this much thought and research time. Ultimately, we decided that meaningful change takes time, and it takes decisive initial action from leadership. And, we decided that there was not enough meaningful change happening right now for me to feel good about sending my daughters. I considered this issue for over a year (one kid in app cycle last year, one kid in app cycle this year). I’m going to assume you’ve seen the book signing event posted online from last year? Book written by an SPS alum about her experience there, and HOS Kathy Giles was there in a moderated discussion. (I say I assume you’ve seen it since it’s been posted here on CC multiple times in discussions about SPS. But if you haven’t, I would google.) It was probably the final data point I needed to know about whether any actual policy, procedure or cultural change was happening anytime soon at SPS. For us, the answer was a clear no, despite some (I’m sure) good intentions on the part of the HOS. My personal take: Either she doesn’t really feel strongly about making change, she isn’t skilled at taking action to match intentions, or the board – or someone- has her hands tied. In any case, our conclusion was that things will not have changed enough for our family to call that home. But, truth is, if that video didn’t raise any flags for you, then maybe you won’t come to the same conclusions we did. SPS has a lot of great stuff to offer! (And, we stopped researching this issue once we crossed SPS off our list in early fall. So maybe sweeping change has happened since?)

And again, I feel the need to share my lens which is: I’m strongly feminist, and I have zero interest or tolerance in my daughters having to drink any groundwater that harms their sense of identify and self or subtly shapes their sense of value and worth. (Language which will certainly have some readers rolling their eyes, and I’m Ok with that.) In my opinion, some of the SPS groundwater goes beyond gender lines, and beyond typical boarding school privilege culture. (More could be said on that, but I’ll try to keep this brief. But read the book Privilege – which was NOT anti-SPS in my opinion, but did describe a specific culture, and combine that with the aforementioned video, and it does seem as though there is a definite culture – some would call it school loyalty – that is quite unique to SPS. It didn’t feel right for our family. Our campus visit last year confirmed that sense in hindsight.)

And to be clear: lots of people LOVE SPS! And lots of people LOVE Andover! And actually I still love Andover and am a huge fan for the right kid.

But I’ll end by saying that there is a common post-M10 narrative that “you can’t go wrong” because “all are great options.” I would say that is true academically. But I do think you can go wrong on a lot of other fronts. I do think it’s worth the extra work to dig deeply into a school’s culture and find fit. It is disruptive to have to leave a school. Not impossible. And certainly worth doing if you land in the wrong place. (It makes me sad to know how many of my DD’s friends quietly lamented to her that their parents pressured them to accept their offer – and stay – at Andover, because “it’s Andover.”)
Anyway, it sure would be easier to believe people the first time they tell you who they are. (I wish we had full revisits this year.)
But academically and college-wise: you can’t go wrong!

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I can share a parent perspective about Deerfield.

The school size is @ 650 - the entering 9th grade class is the smallest group with about 105 students. About 90% of the students are boarding students. Having a very high percentage of boarding students IMO builds a stronger sense of community while also providing for more all-school experiences on the weekends. Likewise, about 90% of the faculty live on campus.

The strong sense of community is also supported by the sit-down meal tradition. IMHO this allows for more interaction between class years, fewer cliques, and more informal student-faculty dialogue. The school is located in a beautiful rural area of Western, MA.

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Thanks @Calliemomofgirls for sharing your DD’s experience and your thoughts. Do you think COVID caused the issues your daughter faced? By that I mean maybe in a normal year the issue will be at least bearable, but with all the isolation and remote learning kids find it harder to deal with? Do you think next year will be much easier? I recall there were parents complaining about Andover’s COVID response. Maybe Andover didn’t do a good job there.

Absolutely covid impacted this year. Thanks for pointing that out for future readers @G07b10. We definitely had to sift through what was covid-driven, what was covid-exacerbated, what was simply made more obvious by presence of covid, and what would be a non-issue going forward in non-covid years (I consider next year to be essentially non-covid).

While I don’t imagine that the kids are suddenly very scaffolded in non-covid times (to address OP question), it is worth repeating that the lack of scaffolding was not the primary reason for my DD wanting to leave.

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Lack of scaffolding combined with crushing academic load and some difficulties with adapting to dorm life almost ended my dc’s boarding school career. I was close enough to jump to the rescue and get things sort of on track although things were sort of rocky till covid hit. Wrong class placement exacerbated the workload and kid took on way too much on in terms of extracurriculars too. Not at Andover but another ‘college-lite’ type of BS. Even if you think you are independent and can take care of things advocating for yourself effectively while drowning is not at all easy. If we were looking now I would push for a school with more support that comes directly from the school, because even though our kid did not think he needed it (and nor did we) he could have definitely used it. Now he has figured things out and his life is much easier, but it was not easy to get there at all.

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Would it be safe to say that all four of these choices have an element of sink or swim?? I’d add kiddo’s school to that list as well, but since it’s not part of OP’s question, it’s less relevant. While all of these schools do have scaffolding in place, as you say, sometimes parents need to step in. I don’t say this to dissuade OP from any of these schools, but just as a reminder that it is okay for parents to check in and make a few phone calls if kiddo is struggling significantly. We were in this position Fall term, and while we started with a very hands off approach (after all, BS is about gaining independence), it quickly became apparent that kiddo was very good at putting on a brave face, and then crying for hours on end in her room, so the scaffolding wasn’t supporting her. Fortunately, the school was quick to respond once we intervened, and she’s now back on campus for Spring term having adjusted much more easily this time.

ETA: My comment is directed more to all of the parents on here, not just @417WHB

Wow, it seems struggle in the freshman year is more common than I thought.

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@cityran I think SPS has most scaffolding of these, based on what I have heard from friends with kids there. They also have no day students, which changes the campus dynamic a great deal, in both good and bad ways.

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OK, clue me in. What is “scaffolding?” In all my years here, I’ve never heard that term. Or I’ve missed it.

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I believe “scaffolding” is the degree to which the schools watch over the kids to make sure they are eating, going to classes, doing their homework, socializing and having decent mental health.

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@ChoatieMom scaffold is the structure put up around a building (think construction sites) to support it as it is built. So in the parenting or learning context, it’s the support given so a child can grow. In the school context, it’s the infrastructure in place to provide that support. It’s support by design. (just a few examples: advisory groups that meet X times a week, seated meals that are organized with assigned seating, procedures for addressing falling grades, systems for regular check-ins on kids’ emotional health, communication channels between school and parents, big brother/sister mentor-type programs, study hall hours.)

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I also think it implies that the support is temporary during construction, and taken down in stages as the kid needs it less and less.

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I understand the construction definition. I’ve just never heard it used as a metaphor for support systems at BS. Got it.

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Deerfield’s administration and faculty did a great job this year of navigating the school through the COVID pandemic. One could look at how DA worked to provide classes (in person and online), community life, programs, single dorm rooms for every student (even Day students winter term), and student support. It was impressive . Over the past couple of years, I feel the school has increased the focus and efforts on providing better student support. There is a definite community feel - if that is what you are seeking. The location of the school, the boarder/day ratio, the fact that almost all faculty live on campus, and the resources made it easier to create the “bubble” of safety during COVID.

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This is definitely true, and same can be said for SPS which has been in person all year and they even managed to have athletic contests with other schools since the fall. The larger suburban schools with big day student population are in a very different position in this regard. It may not matter by the fall as things should (?) be very close close to normal but then again the way this pandemic has gone I am not sure anyone can actually say that with certainty.