When I went to college, and my kids too, we were assigned a first year roommate, we didn’t choose. The selection was based on a questionnaire we filled out about sleeping and messiness and stuff like that. For me it didn’t go well, for both of my kids it went great, the roomies became close friends and were very compatible (though very different on paper).
I’m aware that the process is different at some colleges because of my friends’ kids - they choose their own roommate(s) via Facebook group, a college-sponsored online system of some kind, or people they already know from HS or whatever.
I’ve heard good and bad stories about that system too, roommates that didn’t work out, roommates that became great friends, kids that just stayed with HS friends.
Roommates (and housing) in years 2-4 are chosen by students everywhere, it seems, so this is only a first year difference.
I read today that Duke is going from the second system to the first as of the incoming class, and the reasoning behind it is similar to what I and my kids’ schools said. To increase the chance that kids won’t bunch up with kids just like them and that this will broaden perspectives and experiences.
Speaking for kids I know, it’s can be a relief not to have to try to pair up with people you only meet on Facebook - that is stressful for a lot of kids and not having to choose just removes that whole issue.
I liked the old-fashioned roommate assignment, and recommended it to my DD who had the option of both (picking her own roommate and letting the school assign her one). In my case, my first roommate was not someone that I was close friends with, but she was from a very different background and exposed me to a different subculture. My second assigned roommate became a lifelong friend who has traveled across the country to vacation with me and my kids. Both were value-add to my college experience. My daughter and her two roommates travel in different social circles but they get along very well and she has no regrets about opting for random selection.
I think either scenario could go either way. I know people who didn’t know their roommates get along fabulously and people who couldn’t stand each other. The same goes for people who DID know their roommates and, in same cases, friendships were forever ruined.
Personally, I would still advise first-year students to potluck. One of the great things about college is spreading your wings and embracing a larger world, and I think part of that includes expanding your social circle and learning to get along with new people.
DD met her first year roommate on admitted students FB page. It worked fine. This year she resided to move to a single. They are still friends with her last year roommate. I think it is better to choose roommate when you have a choice to do so.
I don’t know how they paired my roommate with me. She was a sorority girl who liked to party and I was an engineering major. We were SO different. Fortunately, she had a serious boyfriend so she wasn’t around much.
DD got along fine with her freshman roommate last year, but this year decided to room with a new friend.
My D chose her freshman roommate from Facebook and they weren’t getting along at all after about a month. My D claims that the roommate misrepresented many things about herself. So that didn’t work out too well.
For sophomore year, my D ended up getting a randomly assigned roommate. Long story, but she had to do a room switch right after classes started and got assigned to the only room with an open bed. So this was a really random assignment with no forms or matching or anything. She has ended up being good friends with this roommate and they are living together again next year. I guess I vote for random assignments.
My D chose her roommate from Facebook and it worked out great. I’m so glad, because they were assigned a terrible room in very unsocial dorm so at least they have each other. My D is an engineer and she wanted another engineer as a roommate so that their schedules would be similar. It has been a great experience for her, and they even decided to room together next year. I’m sure my D would have been fine with a random roommate, but given her bad dorm assignment, it has been a relief to at least have a friendly face when she comes home each night.
Nay! Big fan of them meeting someone move in day and learning how to live together. They don’t have to become best friends, just livable friends. Many of them do get very close. Big growth period for them.
UW-Madison went to random roommates years ago and found it worked as well as trying to match students. Only students who mutually choose each other and rank their dorm choices the same get to room together. They get the least desirable number of the two students for the spring dorm lottery. Students may communicate and choose someone they don’t know vial social media now. Wonder what that success rate will be with ten years of data…
A good roommate does not need to be a friend, s/he just needs to get along in occupying a room.
My two kids had the two different experiences. One, at OOS public flagship, could have gone purely random – no matching at all – or found a roommate on FB admitted student group. I saw a lot of those FB group posts, and they seemed to focus on whether a student anticipated partying and what kind of music they listened to. My kid chose roommate from FB group, and they got along fine as freshman, though never really stayed in touch after.
Other kid, at LAC, had a detailed questionnaire, with all kinds of questions not only about lights and music, but also where would study, modes of addressing conflict, expectations about partying, whether he was a morning/night person etc. Some kids chose from FB group, and my kid could have chosen to live with a teammate, but he stuck with the college “matching” system. Through the “matching” process, he and his freshman roommate were so well matched that the roommate is one of his best friends and core member of his “tribe.” The questionnaire “got” them, and paired them up really well.
I’m sure there are tremendous differences across systems. My kids were happy, and lucky perhaps, that each approach worked for them.
Not a fan of total random. Has to be a questionnaire or something room mates are based on as @Midwestmomofboys mentioned. Finding room mates seems to be pretty successful for those kids willing to put it out there on Facebook as you can find people that at least have similar academic background and/or goals.
Not a fan of random, either. I had a bad experience in college. When I chose my roommate later, she became one of my best and longest friend.
Eldest chose his first roommate, but it didn’t work out. Second roommate was someone he knew a little bit, and they both needed to find a roommate at the last minute. They’re super good friends.
Still don’t like random, or, if they’re going to do random, they should be prepared to honor requests to switch out if it’s not working.
I’m going to post here because I think more people will read on a general forum than the Duke sub-forum.
I didn’t go away to school, but H and 3 of my kids did. All of them had random roommates with differing outcomes.
H is still friends with a couple of his college roommates/suitemates. Interestingly, even though he was an RA, he still had to share a room.
D’s freshman roommate was a nice enough girl but she had some friends that would come into the room and do things like hide D’s hairbrush and mess up her bed, which peeved D. She finally had the RA intervene and an agreement was reached that the friends could not be in the room when D wasn’t there (and they didn’t want to be there when she was!). The next year, D became an RA and had singles the rest of her stay. She and her roommate got along ok other than that, but they haven’t stayed in touch.
Middle son is, sad to say, the bad roommate. He decided he didn’t want to talk to his roommate and just didn’t - all year. I am sure the boy has some stories. The next year, son got another random roommate. This one was apparently more extroverted than the first one and made diligent efforts to engage my son. When my son told me how he just didn’t want to talk to his roommate, I moved him to a single and got him singles after that. It was a little bit more money but I felt like it would be for the best.
S17’s roommate was chosen by questionnaire. S17 wrote that he was somewhat messy and has told me that it is a shock to him that he is the neat roommate! Although they seem fairly different, they have a lot in common and have become friends. My son has also become friends with most of his suite mates (except for the guy in the single who might as well be my middle son). Several of them have applied to become RA’s (S17 was originally planning to but those in his major are actively discouraged by the department) but they have agreed that those who don’t make the cut will try to get a suite together next year. If S17’s current roomie isn’t hired, they will room together again.
I guess I favor random assignment. S17 probably wouldn’t have picked his roommate from FB but they get along very well. D learned from her roommate how to stand up for herself because although D has 4 siblings, they are all boys and she had never shared a room before; the experience inspired her to become an RA. As for middle son, I was kind of shocked because he had always shared a room and I thought he’d deal with it better. He finally told me that he just wanted his own room for a change and didn’t want to be an RA. I told him he just should have asked.
I went totally random. Didn’t work out. Child one went facebook, best friends throughout college. Child two random, did not work out.
It’s interesting to me that people are considering facebook not random. I find facebook just as random, as you don’t know the person at all before communicating through cyberspace. The main difference is that you at least know that you have a few traits in common, just like a questionnaire.
My D did not want to pick from Facebook posts. She filled out the college questionnaires and let the college picked roommates for her. Three girls in a room. My D gets along well with one girl who is organized and respectful. The other girl is nice enough but had her boyfriend sleeping over a few nights a week for the entire first semester before her roommates had enough and spoke up. It has stopped.
Overall, it has not been bad. She has been closer to other friends in the same dorm than her roommates. She plan to room with one of them next year. My D is the only child. I am glad she has had experienced living with others. Good or bad, it is a good learning experience for her.
I agree that FB is just a half step from random – there is some comfort for the kids, because they feel like they “know” the prospective roommate from social media, but the criteria for “matching” seemed to be whether kids liked the same kind of music/shows to binge watch, and intended to party or not. They are hardly asking whether someone is a morning person, night owl, messy, neat, intend to study in the dorm room or library, or other factors which would contribute to actually living amicably in a dorm room! Or, at least the guys were not asking!
My D’s school uses a website to match. She took a survey about herself and one about an ideal roommate. She can then see results. No idea how great it is- she is in a 4 single room suite, she can only pick one roommate. She can also get to know other people who have similar interests even if they don’t room together. I guess we will see how well it works in the fall.
I let my university pick my roommates three times.
No one became friends but there was enough respect and tolerance to avoid fights.
Picked my roommate once. That did not end so well.
And now that my younger sibling is going to uni, we came to the conclusion that it was better for the school decide. Once the school decides, you only have the school to blame for a bad roommate pairing. But if you’re the one that picked, it’s not so fun when it turns out to be a bad pairing.
Also, I don’t think I would be comfortable picking from FB since it only shows what people want you to see and people understandably do not realize their own faults.
Side note: I’m not sure how many schools do this, but my uni paired roommates based off of grades. There were four main buildings. One building for students that had high GPAs and several scholastic accomplishments, what would be considered B average in another building, C average in a third, and D in the last building. It created an interesting atmosphere.
