Small minds. A lot of people are very comfortable living where they have always lived, and don’t know too many people who leave and follow the lead of those who came before them.
You have to try hard to not take it personally and let their views impact you and your son’s choices. Be strong, mama!
That being said, given politically what we see going on in Texas and Florida, as Black parents, we told our kid he could not apply to a school inTexas or Florida because we feared for his safety, and not to say that we don’t fear for his safety in any school in any state in the US or any place, for that matter because no one is guaranteed to be safe anywhere. It’s just a matter of Greenbooking life for some.
But still…your son’s journey in life is his own and please don’t let limitations or issues others have consume you too much.
Same same same! People look at me weird when I say he is going to UNT when he got into Berklee…like “why on earth would he not go there?” They have no idea what TX has to offer…sometimes I feel like I need to explain but then I say "why bother?’ lol Don’t sweat it!
The main question I’ve gotten is whether he’s applying to Belmont. I don’t mean here on CC, where musician parents are giving carefully considered recommendations about a school their child loves. I mean from random people like a woman my mom met at a bus stop. Belmont is well known and regarded by those who’ve talked with me about music, especially with their contemporary music program.
The hardest school to get into that the child gets into is not necessarily the best school to attend. Plus for music kids, there is the whole studio factor of teacher-student needing to gel
As adults, there are jobs that we refuse to apply for because we don’t want to live in such-and-such a place. Why do we suppose that almost-adults have no geographic preferences? My kid…
a. did not apply to any schools in FL, TX or CA in spite of there being some decent schools in all those locations
b. Did not apply to the School of Music at our state flagship, which is in the city we live on the outskirts of. We know the people there, some of them are great. But the school as a whole does not have the qualities that are important to my son. And it’s just too darn close for someone trying to learn how to function as an independent human being.
Schools are not generic commodities. My son’s cello teacher has said both that wherever he wants to go is fine with her, and that she does not think he should attend any school without having had a lesson and conversation with the teacher
Though in-state prices may be lower than out-of-state prices, education is an investment in human capital, and as such should be evaluated not merely on the lowest sticker price. What school can get you where you want to go?
Sorry for the diatribe. Don’t worry about the cretins.
YES!!! My son made an amazing connection at his first choice and that’s why it was HIS first choice.
Agree…we live an hour outside of NYC and my son really dislikes it…Hence, withdrew his NYU app
Again, agree! Summer camps were great to explore this! Mine did Eastman, Berklee, and UNT. Start early!
We didn’t apply to any in-state schools…he wanted to leave CT…lucked out that he is getting in-state at UNT bc of their scholarship policy.
GREAT points! Thanks for the diatribe lol!
I agree. I think with music that’s the hard thing to explain to non-music families. For my degree way back when, I could have gone to any of dozens of schools that would have been great schools for me, because I was not studying something really specific or technical. For kids like music majors (or engineers, those that are very specific), all things are not equal.
Again, I agree. I respect the decisions families make, and some do decide solely on funds for a variety of reasons. But the best school for growing as a musician and finishing with potential for a career (or masters) upon graduation is not going to be the same school for each kid, and it might not be the cheapest. It could be, but chances are it won’t. I’m going to do my damnedest to raise the money so my kid has a few doable choices.
p.s. I’m laughing now thinking about how that Berklee-spurning mom and I had our conversation at the store over a bin of sale potatoes.
So true! And I will add that once your musician has made their choice and is off at “XYZ” school, it matters not at all what the general public thinks. For us, we were just so on edge when these comments came during the audition and acceptance process. Probably because of the stress of it all, and our tendency to second-guess and over think everything.
When my kid is asked by a casual acquaintance where he goes to school, he just names the city. He doesn’t even say it’s a music conservatory. Most people don’t really know what that would mean…plus, he gets tired of explaining what an oboe is. LOL. “Is that like a clarinet?”
i’ve been quiet here but I have a very different sort of pushy friend - the ones who think a music degree is the worst possible thing your child could choose. Has anyone else gotten this?
Exactly. Please stop talking to people about the colleges their kids go to and the ones your kid is applying to. When our kids were asked, they politely said “I’m looking forward to sharing my college decision with you on May 1.” And yes, they had to repeat this very often as much as needed…an d so did we. But we did NOT discuss our college search with most people. There were a few folks who knew where DS auditioned because we visited them or stayed with them at the time. But most people were not part of this discussion.
It made the whole experience much better for our kids.
The private instrument instructor, and precollege ensemble directors, and HS band directors knew….but really others did not.
It’s so sad that you have to worry about safety in this way, but unfortunately you have good reason to be cautious. I wish your son all the best wherever he chooses to attend.
Im a music idiot and have no clue what music schools are best for my son. All I know is that the schools recommended by his voice teacher were not in our price range.
Lawrence I do know is a great music school. Uw madison is solid as well. My son refused to be less than 2 hrs from home.
My kid is not worried about peoples’ weird looks or advice, so he’s good talking about it if he wants to. I talk with my two best friends, because it helps me to get through this crazy process, and when other parents offer information about their own kids, I smile and give positive feedback. I don’t think it’s possible to not talk about it at all. We have a dozen teen parents in our band group, and it’s just going to happen. But I don’t make any judgments and just listen to what the kids are excited about.
Agreed. The limitations of others get into my head way too much. You say it so eloquently…his journey in life is his own. I’m looking forward to seeing where he goes. We are privileged to not have to worry about safety in the same way that you do, and I am sorry you have to consider that. I’m happy to hear about all your son’s opportunities and can’t wait to hear about his acceptances.
We haven’t heard this yet! I think we are in a creative circle with a lot of music kids and music parents around us. Ironically, the one person who said something like this was my fiddle teacher who did music as a minor, because she wanted to have another degree. Lo and behold, she is a musician and a music teacher.
If anyone wants to know, I’d say a music degree is a sign of dedication, perseverance, passion for one’s work, showing up on time and ready, and using analytical, creative, and time management skills at a level that many of us with other degrees were not called on to do in college. I could go on.
This reminds me, too, of my friend who was upset because my kid “doesn’t have homework” and hers does. She said my kid’s classes are fun. Does this mean 1) music is easy, 2) rehearsing is not homework, 3) kids should have homework at all, and/or 4) work is more meaningful if you don’t like it?
Belmont is well known and regarded by those who’ve talked with me about music, especially with their contemporary music program.
Does this mean 1) music is easy, 2) rehearsing is not homework, 3) kids should have homework at all, and/or 4) work is more meaningful if you don’t like it?