classmate bitterness over acceptances-- have you experienced it?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
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<p>It’s not so bad when someone else gets into “better” schools than you, at least not if, as in my situation, those people are kind, ambitious, and hardworking. But what does suck is when other people/teachers/administrators at your school make you feel inferior about it. I’ve been on both ends of that situation (i.e. the one being bragged TO about others without so much as a “congratulations” for me, and the one being bragged ABOUT in front of others who get no praise of their own), and no matter which side I’m on, it always makes me feel terrible. The worst was a teacher (with only good, but tactless intentions) cheerfully announcing my acceptance to UCLA to a roomful of freshly-wounded UCLA rejects. I feel like people should have the right to be happy wherever they are going. Some people, particularly those who did not get into their tops, are really working hard to learn to love the school they have ended up at, and I think they deserve the most praise.</p>

<p>The obsession with brand name schools has really gotten to be a bit much these days. I like to think of myself as a relatively un-superficial person, but even I find myself getting caught up in trying to convince people that “Pomona really IS a top school!” (and I know it is good, and I know it is perfect for me - that’s why I picked it, but why do I care so much what others think?) and getting annoyed by teachers waving around acceptances, while simultaneously hoping deep down they will brag about me.</p>

<p>I find myself wishing I had applied to Ivies, even though I never would have gone because they weren’t RIGHT for me, but simply so that I could say I got in. People at my school make me feel GUILTY for picking my true love over prince charming. I had a friend tell me I was “crazy” for picking Pomona over Occidental, since Occidental is much more well-known to your average Joe on the street, even though Oxy was much less to my taste. This whole process has really brought out the worst in me and just about everybody. I’m pretty good at keeping to myself the negativity I can’t help but feel, but the insecurity it brings up in just about everyone (except Zen gods, and maybe those going to big-name schools) is undeniable.</p>

<p>I hate it when people ask me, “Why aren’t you going to Harvard or Yale or something?” This bothers me, not just because I see it as an insult to my decision, but because schools like that have become symbols to the point of complete idolatry. People do not seem to realize that these schools are SCHOOLS. They are not just names that you latch onto and throw around to manipulate others into ooh-ing and ahh-ing over your awesomeness. They are real schools where real people go to be educated, and not every school is right for everyone. Harvard and Yale are not interchangeable; they are completely different environments! They are right for some and not for others. And they are in a vastly different world than liberal arts schools like Amherst, Williams, and Pomona, which provide an education of similar quality, but a completely different experience. People act like there are two lists: Smart People Schools (aka brand name schools - which were rich kid schools long before they were smart kid schools) and Dumb People Schools (everything else), and that all schools on each list are pretty much all the same thing. You should go to college to get an education, because you want to learn or be successful or whatever! Not to show off! You are an intellectual first, and a brand-name whore second. And yes, you can still get a job even if you didn’t go to HYPS! Common misconception, though.</p>

<p>And finally, so what if people want to be bitter? Maybe they do want to lie that they didn’t apply to Ivies; maybe they do want to pretend that the school they are going to was their choice; maybe they do just **<strong><em>ing hate you for living the dream they were denied. I was only rejected at 2 schools out of 16, and it still hurt like a goddam </em></strong>. I can only imagine 8, 9, 10 rejections, all from the schools every idiot can rave about. Imagine your dreams smashing faster than you can pick up the pieces. This may seem dramatic, but from witnessing it, I believe it really is a feeling very akin to grief, especially to those who have had it drilled into them from birth that their lives really did depend on this (not that they do and ever will). Let them at least have their bitterness.</p>

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<p>These kind of things makes obsession over name-brand schools worse. [The</a> Ivy Plus Society](<a href=“http://ivyplussociety.org/about.html]The”>http://ivyplussociety.org/about.html)</p>

<p>Basically, they hold parties where only graduates of these certain elite schools can attend and mingle with other graduates.</p>

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<p>Guys, we have to fight this monster, not feed it.</p>

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<p>-gets armor suit, shield, and sword- I’m game.</p>

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<p>Let’s burn it to the ground, baby.</p>

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<p>If you’re friend was truly smart, he shouldn’t have done that. Yes your friend did have a “social life,” compare to your pompous valedictorian, but you have to take in consideration the sacrifices he had had made. Even though he’s getting into Dartmouth, it would have been wise if your friend would have just kept his mouth shut or said something not as cruel. Its people like him that make the rejections even more bitter. If you’re friend is still in Princeton ( and he must be doing good now!) he better have matured a little bit. Pride come first before fall.</p>

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<p>I harbor a little bit of bitterness… not at the students themselves but at the system. I am and will be irked that a letter saying “take this kid” means more coming from a volleyball or XC coach than the same letter coming from the head of the music dept and the head of the graduate school of music. Especially since many of the althletes I know who are going to top school admit that they’ll “play one year then probably quit.” I know it’s shallow but I have sometimes thought what if the admissions comittee knew that they intended to play one year and then quit…</p>

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<p>ElemenopQ–graduates of other schools can petition for membership.</p>

<p>TheYank–not necessarily…if Yale’s school orchestra needs an oboe, a letter from the music dept. stating what an outstanding oboist you are would probably do the trick. And if they have all the XC applicants they need this year, that skill becomes less of a hook.</p>

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<p>Actually, the Ivy Plus Society will let the legitimate attendees bring a guest, who doesn’t have to be from one of the selected institutions. So I was really excited when I realized that I could go to one of their events. But then I noticed they also cap the age of the people who attend, so now I can’t go again because I am too old. I’m so depressed.</p>

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I think the comment was well-deserved.</p>

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<p>Yes, but we have to factor in musical affirmative action. Instruments like the viola and the bassoon are URMs, so they get a boost in orchestra filling process. Some argue that this is unfair to overrepresented musicians like violinists and flautists, while others argue that this helps make up for the disadvantages certain musicians have due to their instrument not being popular (think about how many famous viola concerti exist compared to famous violin concerti).</p>

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<p>I was counting the oboe as a URM. :p</p>

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<p>If you want to play a really uncommon but essential instrument, play the harp. Most orchestras need one or sometimes even two or three, but they are pretty rare. It partially may because not a lot of people have them as opposed to a piano. My high school has a pretty intense orchestra program, yet for the past three years we have only had one harp. We got another this year, but now the original one is graduating. I play viola and that is also less common as well, but less so than harp. The problem is finding a good viola, because most of the serious musicians like to have more solos. However, the fact that many violinists can easily switch back and forth between viola and violin may make it easier to find a viola. The best violists I know started on violin (I started on and still play violin). When I sent in my college application, I made a tape with both instruments since I have been very involved in music during high school. I can go from one to the other very easily so in that sense I can fulfill two roles.</p>

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<p>This is a great topic, but its maddening. The bottom line of the hurt feelings is this “the priority of what I evaluate as important/nonimportant is not the same as what is used by the college admissions office”. Admissions Offices have TOLD YOU that they value athletics. If you have a certain level of accomplishment in that area, then they will give you much more leeway on academics. YOU KNOW THAT. To be a competitive athlete at Div 1, takes talent, hard work and dedication. Its not in any way similar to participating in the Girl Scouts. There are a million girl scouts, far fewer college-level athletes.</p>

<p>The elite schools don’t want kids who just contort themselves and their schedules into a pretzel to try to impress an Admissions Office that will take 3 minutes on their application. </p>

<p>When posters cite stats (and how do they always know kids GPA’s and SAT scores), they don’t know what was written in the essays and letters of recommendation.</p>

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<p>I was bitter that people from my school with lower SAT scores, rank, less ECs, and less community service got into upenn and brown over me. no one, thank god, got into HYP or M (no one applied to S)</p>

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<p>“and how do they always know kids GPA and SAT scores”</p>

<p>agreed. Too many people get caught up in others’ scores/GPAs (the same kids who have to know what everyone got after every test too). I don’t get it. Who cares? Ugh. I don’t think my friends and I have ever sat around talking about SAT scores because they don’t matter for ANYTHING outside of college admissions/scholarships. GPAs, to a certain extent people know due to class ranking at my school- but if you’re not in the top 5 or 6 people, no one knows unless you tell them. Besides, what’s the point of discussing grades/SAT scores unless it’s to brag or complain? (In case you can’t tell, this is a pet peeve of mine.)</p>

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<p>^cuz it’s fun to compare :D</p>

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<p>^Good luck doing that at Princeton.</p>

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<p>Why, though? It’s not like people actually care what other people got, they just want to size themselves up and make themselves feel superior. If they end up not being “up to par”, they get bitter and jealous. It makes no sense. It seems like most teenagers are obsessed with how they compare rather than whether they’re happy with what they themselves are doing.</p>

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<p>Yeah, no one really compares much at school either. We’re all kinda vaguely aware of how well each other are on grades by the rankings but with SAT scores some of the higher are know (it’s only me and 2 others that scored anything above 700) but otherwise not really. Writing plays a big part because I know it’s the best writers that seem to be getting in everywhere while the valedictorian is notorious for being a terrible writer and couldn’t get in so much. We’re all what you’d consider “URMs” as everyone at school is mexican-american, except one who’s dominican. </p>

<p>Comparing is just annoying though.</p>