Classmates ignoring me?

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hello,

I just wanted advice on this. A few years ago for my first Biology lab class at my university in Fall 2015, I sat at a bench with five other girls. I’m a guy by the way. Four of the girls were very nice towards me and would talk to me. However, it was this one girl in particular I felt as though she didn’t like me. She would never talk to me or initiate conversation with me, she wouldn’t make eye contact with me, she would roll her eyes at me, etc. Whenever I would try to talk to her, it was as if I was bothering her or I would get a vibe such as “Why are you talking to me?” Sometimes when we weren’t busy we would have conversations as a group, and when I would speak she wouldn’t even look my way, or really respond to what I would say. When I would ask the group a question, sometimes she would answer it, but she would look at the person next to me as if they asked the question. I don’t know why she acted this way towards me. She wasn’t like this with the other girls. She was very friendly with them, would talk and initiate conversations with them, would make eye contact with them, etc. She wasn’t like that towards me. I never did anything to her and was very nice to her just like I am with everyone else. I am a shy, reserved kind of guy. When I meet strangers for the first time I can be a little awkward, but as I get to know them a little better, I come out of my shell, which I did in this situation. I don’t know if that could’ve put her off.

Another situation this past Fall 2016 semester, I took pre-calc. I often went to the math tutoring center on campus to get help for that class. There was this guy who I’ll call Chad in my pre-calc class who would always be there. We started sitting at the same table, would help each other out sometimes, and would sometimes have conversation. When he would walk in and I was there I would acknowledge him and he would do the same. However, I noticed he would look at me weird sometimes. As the semester went on, I would walk in the tutoring center to sit next to him and I would say “Hey Chad”. And he would ignore me. But, he would start talking to me later. A few other people from our class would come there, and they were very nice towards me and would always respond when I would say hello. I really enjoyed being around them. Anyway, the class and the semester ended. Then in the beginning of the following semester, Winter 2017, I went to the campus bookstore to purchase some supplies for my new classes. I was waiting in line, and I saw Chad. He was in front of me. He turned around, I nodded my head to acknowledge him, and he just looked at me. He didn’t smile, nod his head back, say what’s up, put his hand up, etc. He just gave me a blank look, then turned around. We were never friends, but we were in the same class and I would often see him at the math tutoring center and would talk to him. And if I run into you, you can at least just say what’s up or something, but he totally just ignored me making me look stupid.

Just to let you guys know, this doesn’t happen that often. These are rare occasions. Oftentimes when I meet people, they’re very nice and don’t act the way those two people acted towards me. And oftentimes, when I run into acquaintances or people I met in my classes, they will smile, say hi to me, talk briefly, be happy to see me, etc. People always tell me I am a very nice person. I treat everyone with respect, I don’t get into any trouble, drama, etc. Therefore, this doesn’t bother me that much, but I’m just curious why those people or people in general would act like this or treat me like this? However, like I’ve said, I am a shy, quiet, reserved, kind of socially awkward person. I’m not sure if that had anything to do with it. I would love to hear what you guys think.

2

Well, for one thing, people are rude. They may be jealous or have other issues, so you just don’t know.

You may also be putting out signals that can be off-putting to people. If you are socially awkward, you may not know the types of signals you are putting out with people who are beginning to know you.
Are you sarcastic? Are you a “know-it-all” in class? Being “nice” is one thing, but being arrogant can really aggravate others.

[/quote]
but he totally just ignored me making me look stupid.

[/quote]
This statement says a LOT!
No one can make you look stupid without your permission.

If this really bothers you, you may want to go to counseling services and find out if there is something that is holding you back socially. You did say you are kind of “socially awkward”. If you want to find out, this may be a way to do it.

3

In terms of the girl who was ignoring you from the start, you have pretty much no way to know why but it was probably something in her mind or in her past that had nothing at all to do with you. It is possible that she was mistreated in the past by someone who had a vaguely similar appearance to you, or she just hates men, or something else that has nothing to do with you at all. There is no way to know.

In terms of “Chad” again there is pretty much no way to know what was going on. It sounds like he wasn’t in the mood to chat at the time. Something that had nothing to do with you might have been bothering him at the time and he might just have not wanted to speak.

There will be other situations like it in the future and you will have no way to figure them out either. You just have to deal with people who are reasonable to deal with and avoid or ignore the others. There is a good chance that the folks at counseling services at your university can help you understand how to deal with situations like this as they come up in the future.

4

The girl could have her own issues or issues with past males. The guy may not be that outgoing or may have had something on his mind.

Some people are so engrossed in their classes and professors that they aren’t registering others around them. Looking back, I would probably only recall about six classmates, since I mostly spent time with people who weren’t in my classes. A woman and I worked on a grad school final group project and didn’t recognize each other when we later worked in the same department. (I located the report with both our names on the cover.)

I agree with checking to see if it is something you are doing, then moving on with the more receptive people.

5

When something like this happens just once in awhile, usually the answer to the question “Why was he/she so rude to me?” is something along the lines of “that person is a jerk.” Sometimes, the person is is being a jerk because he/she is truly just a butthole all of the time. Sometimes, the person might be having a particularly bad day, bad week, etc., and you just happened to be friendly to him/her at the wrong way. And other times, the person is being a jerk because the wind blew the wrong direction that day and it made him/her mad.

And none of those reasons have anything to do with you.

However, if you were to say that people were reacting this way to you all the time, then I’d say, “Hm, maybe there is something in how to approach people that puts them off a bit.” But that does not sound like it’s the case here.

6

Well, just ignore those people. They are insignificant in your lives. No one can please everyone.

7

This was what came to mind initially. If you have a close friend, or anyone in general that knows you well and you trust to give it to you straight, I’d ask them if they think you have any awkward social traits that you aren’t aware of. While I agree with some of the posters above that “people are just rude,” your described situations sound an awful lot like there’s “something missing” and I’m assuming it’s something you’re not aware of (ie, the way you come across).

Don’t take any of this as a knock, because frankly, I have no clue if I’m right. I just thought I’d suggest you find someone to “give it to you straight” to see if there’s something you can be made aware of. If not, then yeah: people are just jerks sometimes.

8

I’ve come across people like that periodically. It IS weird. I try to shake it off but it does puzzle me.

On the other hand, I had an acquaintance ask me one time, “Have I done something to offend you?” I guess I was giving out negative vibes and didn’t even know it!

9

@MaineLonghorn According to my mom who deals with Macy customers all the time, there are people who are just resentful and unsatisfied with their lives. They will take their frustration on anyone whenever possible.

10

My daughter noticed the “Chad” behavior when she used to run into former high school classmates in our hometown. Refusing to recognize her in a completely obvious way. She’s a singer, and sometimes talks about this when she introduces “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” by Pearl Jam. The pertinent line is “I just want to scream hello…” Folks in the audience nod when she tells her story, so your situation might be universal, since you say this is an infrequent occurrence.

Not sure if it’s a social skills issue with younger people. My son has had a few old pals obviously pretend not to see him. He doesn’t like it, but he’s got plenty of other friends.