<p>I am a college girl and I would appreciate some advice from all you, who I am sure have experience with something similar. I have a very clingy friend, who I realized I am her only friend, who happens to be in some of my classes, who at one point was texting me a great amount on a daily basis, showing up unannounced, buying me small gifts on her trips, jealous when I would hang out with other friends, etc. It got to the point where I needed space and needed to set boundaries, which worked at first and made her realize her clinginess. She stopped texting as frequently and made some other friends. However, she still considers me her best friend and recently bought me another small gift from her vacation she will give me when we return back. Luckily, she stopped many of the other annoying habits. However, I feel uncomfortable accepting the gift and answering her occasional clingy texts that attempt to elicit an equally clingy response from me. When I do not choose to answer them, she complains to me how upset she is. How do you deal with this type of person, especially since we are in the same major?</p>
<p>I had a very similar situation. When looking into colleges my clingy friend only applied to the colleges I did and in the same major. When we started college she would get upset at my hanging out with others and if I didn’t invite her somewhere or respond to a text just like your friend seems to do. I joined the equestrian club at school, because it was something I loved to do and thought it would give us some distance. She ended up deciding that she also loved horseback riding and joined the club as well, even though she had only been on a horse at birthday parties or at the fair as a child. I then ended up joining the rowing team because I knew this would be something she wouldn’t join. Yes, she was jealous and upset. Then I had a job where I worked 35+ hours a week on top of school and I had a boyfriend. When I was working she always assumed I was with my boyfriend and ignoring her texts. This wasn’t true, and her jealousy only pushed me away and caused a riff in our friendship. She would talk negatively about me to other friends as well. Although at the time this was terrible to go through, in the end it was the best thing that could have happened. She became more independent, started dating her current boyfriend, and matured by the end of college. Now we are still very good friends, without her being clingy to me. I think the best thing you can do is just try and keep distancing yourself without totally ending the friendship. Eventually your friend will mature and become more independent and hopefully cling less to you.</p>
<p>That helps a lot! Thanks so much.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s also good to tell your friend that you appreciate your friendship but you need a little space. Yes, it will hurt her feelings but it’s good to be honest and tell her about her flaws. People don’t always get the hint when you just try to nudge them in the right direction.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear your plight, unfortunately its college life, and some are more outgoing and easily accessible than others.
That being said, it is a good thing that this girls sees you as her best friend even though you can not say the same about her.
It is okay to sit down and share your concern about things that makes you uncomfortable with her. I say, do it in a very positive atmosphere. Like invite her for a cup of tea or coffee and then tell her what you have in mind.
If she considers you her best friend as she shares, she will respect your wishes and act accordingly.
It could be a lot of factors that brings out this behavior in her; maybe had to make friends with new people, just a giving individual, and maybe a possessive firmed… but you can work it out, while still remaining great friends.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>It’s an unfortunate situation, if it gets to the point where it’s unbearable, I would say the best thing to do is be straight up about it. - but nicely. Perhaps even connect them with some other friends.</p>
<p>Also try talking to your RA about it or someone at the counseling center.</p>
<p>You also have to figure out your end goal. To not have her contact you? To dial it down alot?</p>
<p>If to end contact: Then you have to tell her you don’t want contact, and after that ignore all communications. Or just dont’ answer her at all.
"Clingita, after thinking about it, I have realized that we don’t have much in common besides classes. I think it best if you don’t contact me anymore. Best wishes. "</p>
<p>Then block her number or ignore all communications. Because if you answer back even once, you have taught her that she needs to text you 10 times to get a reaction. If she keeps it up, then you go to campus security.</p>
<p>If you want her to dial it down, then it appears she has. But you are still uncomfortable, so I suggest option 1.</p>
<p>Check out “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker for more info.</p>