Clueless parent needs orienting

<p>Kid with great extracurriculars (mostly leadership, community service and performance) and all A's or A minuses but at a very top high school (on middle class FA). Scores: Writing 800, Critical Reading 800, Math 710. Subject tests: Physics 780 (taken as sophomore), Biology 780 (taken as a Freshman), Math II 800. Won't know AP's until July. Loves science and music. Not a party kid. I know he seems in good shape but . . . . what kinds of schools good in these areas would be interested in a kid with this profile? Seriously.</p>

<p>Many colleges would accept your son- too many to suggest, but if you post more specifics about what you are looking for- region, home state, size, financial ( are you looking for merit) , type of college ( aiming at highly selective ones? ) then posters can make suggestions. </p>

<p>Want a smaller school?
Amherst, Williams, Wesleyan, Brandeis, Haverford, Vassar, etc…</p>

<p>Bigger?
Brown, Yale, Duke, Northwestern</p>

<p>Or almost anywhere he wants, given his record.</p>

<p>So I hesitate to give more particulars as my child would not appreciate my posting here. I’m just new to this, and though we may be lovely and successful enough - we are rather ordinary (with perhaps a bit of spice around the edges). Everything I read makes it sound as though this is all so hard. And, honestly the news about the college party culture and the 55 schools cited for sexual abuse reporting violations makes me wonder about the whole process. I’m not interested in giving everything we have so our kids can get a good education in drug and alcohol fueled circles on entitlement. I mean, is this a media thing or is this what higher education has become? What about schools where kids really want to learn and grow, and maybe still have an impact on society for the good? My kids is something of a values driven free spirit. Does this help? </p>

<p>I understand and you don’t want to post anything that could identify him. Yes, school cultures are different at different colleges as well as different regions of he country. I think that the media portrays some of them and from what I can see, the more elite colleges seem to be more left leaning, and from reading your posts, you would like to see your son at a college that focuses more on academics than political issues. </p>

<p>I think your son might find some like minded peers at colleges that are not as academically elite, but still solid. The financial aid picture is confusing as the most selective colleges are the ones most likely to meet full need. However many families fall in the middle ground of not qualifying for financial aid, or not much of it, yet find the full price of a top ranked college out of reach. There are excellent but not as elite colleges that might award merit aid to your son. Some of them have honors programs that offer a more academic community to top students. All colleges are going to have students who party. What you hope is that some students like your son are there as well.</p>

<p>For science and music, your son might look at honors colleges at University of South Carolina, UGA, and Alabama. </p>

<p>He has lots of choices. He has a shot at Ivy League schools if that is what he wants as well as at small liberal arts colleges and big state schools. Ask him what he wants to study and what kind of environment he wants to narrow his choices. Does he want a big school or a small one? Religious? Engineering? In a big city or a college town?</p>

<p>A more serious guy? If he is studying science and/or engineering he should find plenty of kindred spirits. If he plays music, he can find nonpartiers in music groups like band or orchestra or chamber music groups. I have a kid at a big state school who is not a partier. Sure, plenty of his peers are, but he can find friends who are not. Other son is more likely to attend a smaller school, but I think he too will find his people. I don’t think the STEM majors are too much affected by politics no matter where they go, and they are working too hard to party over much. </p>

<p>I appreciate these comments. I think its true that the science/music people will run more serious. My child has some very clear ideas, and we are eager to support them. Yet, my child’s ideas may run idealistic (probably gets that from me). And I don’t want to encourage choices that are could to disappoint. Back when I applied, it all seemed simpler - and there seemed to be far less entitlement. I went to a great school, it had its wild side, but the purposefulness of education and the importance of big and good ideas for the betterment of the society seemed paramount. </p>

<p>Do others feel that this has changed? </p>

<p>Has the increased internationalization of education (30% in some schools, I hear) somehow made the whole process a bit more grandiose and weakened the intentionality of education? Am I wrong to feel that we have plenty of diversity in our own country that deserves attending to before reaching so far and wide to such a large extent?</p>

<p>Also, Is it better to let a child dream as big as they want and deal with disappointment later? Or is it better to try and guide the process more? </p>

<p>Just let your child know that the college s/he goes to is not the end game. Nothing is worse than witnessing a 35 year old whose greatest claim in life is that he graduated from an Ivy (but then did nothing with it). Or the adult who retells the story of how she was the youngest person in her boarding school graduating class and had the highest SAT scores, yet she’s still sitting around trying to write the great American novel. Our whole society is in peril if we don’t have new generations who can contribute to it’s future.</p>

<p>Sorry “its future”</p>

<p>I think I understand your concerns, and some of your observations vary among colleges. Even with financial aid, colleges tend to draw from surrounding regions and students with different economic circumstances. There are a wide range of colleges to choose from, and people value different aspects of them. I think CC has a focus on the elite colleges and high achieving candidates, but this is a good thing as it also displays the level of competition out there, and the reality of the low admission rates. </p>

<p>Do you guide the process of application? Absolutely. Families choose colleges according to different circumstances- some main ones being finances, and location. Another limiting factor is the student’s academic credentials, but your son is in good shape with that. The reality though is that highly selective colleges have low admission rates, and students must consider other ones as well. College choice is also influenced by preferences, and also peers. Students listen to what their peers say about colleges. Sometimes what a student wants is emotionally influenced by what he hears about a college from others. A college might be perfectly fine, but if peers or family members don’t think highly of it, the student might not either. I don’t think many students have a grasp on the magnitude of spending $60K a year for college, but if all their friends are going to schools in this price range, then they would assume that they can too. Students who have peers who attend a wide range of colleges might not have the same outlook.</p>

<p>In our current times, the college application process is a doorway to adulthood, and an experience of some real world choices. Sometimes you might want something, but can you afford it? Can you get in? It’s important to discuss choices within your finances, but also know that some costs- particularly if you are being considered for merit aid- are not very predictable. An expensive school might become more affordable with merit aid, but you don’t always know that at the beginning. I think it’s OK to apply to colleges that are possibilities, as long as the student understands that finances will be considered. I think it’s also OK to dream big, so long as you also have less selective colleges on the list that a student can like- and there are many to like. </p>

<p>Pennylane2011 - Thank you! Your sensible framing really provided the perspective for which I couldn’t find words. Very appreciated. </p>

<p>I don’t know what region you are looking at, but your son might find a niche in some good honors programs within state schools and also be a candidate for some merit awards. These programs are not the same as elite colleges, but a different niche for good students. They vary greatly from school to school so look closely to see what fits. Alabama has an automatic merit award for top students, and there are many competitive ones out there that your son may be eligible to apply to. This website might help <a href=“Top Honors Programs! - Public University Honors”>http://publicuniversityhonors.com/new-top-programs-by-category/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Great website, quite informative, thank you again Pennylane2011. My child just went to graduation and saw all his friends and classmates: alumni, graduates and rising seniors. The festive occasion reminded me of the joy we will all feel a year from now. I suppose he’ll just take his dreams and run with them, and we’ll back him up with the “can-do’s” - no matter what - and let fate tell the rest of the story. What a surprisingly helpful forum! Now off for a long weekend with no talk of college for 48 hours!!! Yay!!!</p>