<p>I am fairly new to the US admissions process (Intl applicant), so I don't really have a clear idea of what's "normal" as far as a coach's behavior is concerned. My eldest plays a low-profile sport, and was approached by one of the Ivies last summer to apply ED. We were caught off guard when it happened, as my child is a bit of a "dark horse" in the sport, and still flying under the radar. Despite good recommendations and marks, he hadn't been "groomed" for the Ivy League application process, and was not accepted. We weren't terribly surprised, but what my son found disappointing was the coach's reaction (non-reaction?) when it happened. He had been supporting my son throughout the application process, keeping in touch, checking on paperwork, etc. etc. Once everything was in, coach basically said we should cross our fingers....all we could do was wait. About a week before the ED decisions came out, he dropped off the face of the earth. The negative decision arrived, and that was the last we heard from him. A couple of weeks later, my son ran into him at an event, and he completely avoided the topic of the application...just made small talk. We're not naive...we realize he's "moved on" now...but is this typical of what's to be expected from coaches? Does my son need to thicken his skin for future applications?</p>
<p>When going thru the recruiting process it is very important to have thick skin. You will likely have a good share of ups and downs and its important to not take things too personally.</p>
<p>OP-- I would like to say that such behavior is rare-- unfortunately it is not. If your child was at a school which had a strong longstanding relationship with the college a coach like that might --might-- be a bit more circumspect about pull a stunt like that because his reputation in that school --and the schools in that conference will soon be mud–but in the case where your son was a “one off” and therefore the coach didn’t expect much blow back, these things happen all too frequently.</p>
<p>It is the reason why those of us who have been on this board for a while have a bit of a jaded attitude-- we all know of kids who have had similar experiences. There are some very nasty pieces of work out there in the college coaching ranks–even at the so-called “gentlemanly” Ivies-- who have no compunction in crushing a kid’s dreams–and wouldn’t lose a second’s sleep over it.</p>
<p>Now there are also some amazing, honest, kind and wonderful coaches whose word is their bond, who don’t play games and level with potential recruits. Their reputations are also around–and in the end they do better.</p>
<p>My ol’ man used to say “time wounds all heels.” That maybe a bit too much wishful thinking, but bad actors don’t last too long.</p>
<p>I told my D at the outset of this process that coaches were like teenage boys-- there are some real gentlemen who are wonderful but many of them will lie through their teeth to get want they want–and won’t care if they leave you crying the morning after…</p>
<p>Thanks for that insight etondad. It was a painful, but valuable, learning experience for my son. As he has a pretty strong moral compass, he was far more disappointed in the coach’s behavior than in the application rejection itself. That said, he now realizes it was probably a good thing he saw the coach’s true colors. It’s quite likely they would NOT have been a good match. And he now takes every other coach’s “overtures” with a grain of salt…</p>
<p>We had a similar experience. Not Ivy but similar though D3.</p>
<p>Coach asked for DS to apply EA and for a verbal commitment. DS was deferred to RD, and coach said ‘not a bad thing.’ Then never heard from him again. No response to emails. No ‘sorry’ after RD denial. We decided we were glad not to have him for a coach.</p>
<p>I know DS saw him at a meet this year but I don’t think they said anything to each other.</p>
<p>This is what I am constantly harping about, and why a “prospie” shouldn’t commit too soon, or feel that a verbal commitment is binding. For the coach, it isn’t , and they move on. My S had a bad experience with a top NESCAC as well. Luckily he(DS) hadn’t burned all his bridges, and a last minute appeal from me to the assistant coach for honesty paid off.</p>
<p>Sorry for you and your child, it’s a hard life lesson to learn at 17. Other parents/athletes beware. This could happen to you. 80% of recruited athletes to NESCAC are accepted. That means 20% are not. Everyone thinks it won’t be them. Kudos to the OP for posting, sometimes I feel that I am the only 1 preaching caution!</p>
<p>CapitalFoodie,</p>
<p>You’ve described a situation that most of us have been through. Yes, it is a tough lesson to learn…that (adult) coaches you think have your son or daughters best interests really don’t. It has been said before and worth repeating…Coaches are the masters of ambiguity, deception and mis-remembering. At first, it was total disappointment, but over time I think my son realizes this was a good thing. It prepared him for the next coach and situation. He was so much the wiser, and I think he got even more engaged in the recruiting process as a result of it. </p>
<p>My son was recruited across D1s, D1 Ivys and D3s. We exerienced this coach recruiting behaviour across the board, so don’t think it is just one group of coaches. I think you’ll find it (no phone call or email) is standard operating procedure, but some coaches do a better job of letting recruits down easy than others.</p>
<p>My niece just completed the recruiting process in softball. She visited most of the schools she had interest in, to see for herself the facilities/campuses; sent coaches her tournament schedules so they could come and see her play; sent test scores, essays etc.</p>
<p>Her recruiting experience was pretty good. She had a little interest from a few D1’s (one coach came and watched her play 2 games in miserable conditions for both players and spectators) D II’s and lots of D III’s. Her GPA is good, test scores fine (but not like many of the top students here on CC). She is a memebr of NHS, band, etc.</p>
<p>Her college of choice; 90 minutes from home; is thrilled to have her as part of their Class of '16, majoring in creative writing (on of those small schools well known for their writing program),the softball coach gained a pitcher/infielder and the school came up with 50% merit based aid, whci will continue provided she maitains a 3.0.</p>
<p>Win-win afor all parties involved.</p>
<p>This is certainly a major disappointment, and I’m so sorry for your experience. However, from your description it is not quite clear what kind of recruit your son was. For example, did it ever come up to what extent the coach stated his/her confidence that your son would be admitted? “Keeping fingers crossed” after submitting application materials does not sound very reassuring. While some coaches may be ‘overly optimistic,’ most are usually quite forthcoming about the chances of admission. So, recruits or their parents should ask how likely admission is based on the coach’s experience or perhaps even outright, where they stand on the coach’s list and how many spots there are. In your son’s case, it could have been that he was towards the bottom of the list or perhaps even that the coach thought he could get in on academics. Also, was he initially deferred or outright rejected?</p>
<p>I think Fenway’s observation that college coaches are “masters of ambiguity” is very accurate for 90% plus of college coaches. If not pinned down, they will do their best to keep as many potential recruits interested as possible. This makes sense from their perspective, because they know they will not land their top “reach” recruits that often, so they need to be prepared to go down their list.</p>
<p>Having said that, and having gone through the process twice now, my sons encountered only a handful of coaches who outright deceived them or misrepresented facts to keep them interested. When pinned down with specific questions such as “Where am I on your depth chart for recruits at my position?” or “Are you prepard to offer me a position on the roster now?” or “Are you prepared to offer me a scholarship for x% now?”, virtually all coaches will either (a) tell the recruit where he/she stands, or (b) avoid the recruit and “go silent.” Needless to say, when a coach goes silent, the recruit if left speculating. It may mean that the coach has little or no interest, but it might also mean that the coach is waiting to see if he can land another prospect first.</p>
<p>IMO, a recruit has to learn to have a thik skin and also be willing to expose his ego, perhaps for the first time in his life. In the short run, it’s easy to let a coach tell you that “You’re the type of player we see as a potential key contributor here at Big U in the future” without knowing what that means, because it sounds positive and a recruit loves anything that sounds positive. But to get something concrete – such as "Where am I on your current depth chart for wide receivers for the Class of 2016? – takes guts, because the recruit may not get the answer he wants, or any answer. However, this is precisely the type of hard question that a recruit must ask a coach as the process gets closer to decision time. The coach’s response, or lack of response, to such hard questions will let the recruit know where he stands.</p>
<p>Rude coaches are the least of a recruit’s worries. The much bigger worry should be the nice, polite coach who strings the recruit along without making any sort of commitment, leaving the recruit to wonder what happened at the 11th hour.</p>
<p>^ It is certainly a “learning experience.” Kids have to grow up very quickly and develop thick skin. It can be as valuable as a life lesson as anything learned in the classroom. And is something with non recruited athletes may not encounter for several years.</p>
<p>beenthere2,</p>
<p>Thanks for your input. As for your questions…no, it wasn’t made clear to us where our son was on the list of possible recruits. As we were new to the recruiting scene, we didn’t know if it was standard protocol to be forthright in asking where exactly our son was on the coach’s “shopping list” . i.e. we were trying to be diplomatic…maybe not the best approach, in retrospect. Throughout the admissions process, the coach repeated that he was “supporting” the application, but I found him to be generally guarded in his conversations. And yes, he was rejected…not deferred. On the positive side, our son is now quite direct with the coaches he speaks to. He tells them straight away that he prefers they be completely upfront about his chances of admission. He has a better understanding of how the admission/recruiting process works, and realizes he needs to find a coach with whom he shares some basic values.</p>
<p>It’s so hard when you have no idea how it works, your school coaches are useless, and you are trying not to be “difficult”. And 80% of the time everyone will be happy-I’m posting so the other 20% have a heads up that things don’t always work out, and it’s best to be clear when your future is at steak!</p>