College Admission Essay Editing

<p>Hi! I know this is a lot to ask, but I would greatly appreciate if someone could please rate the essay on a 1 to 10 scale (ten being the best) Thank you so much:)</p>

<pre><code>“I’m sorry m’am, but after viewing your CT scan, we’ve discovered you have cancer.”
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<p>Time, completely unprepared for this moment, skidded to an abrupt halt as if it was unaware until that second the light at the intersection was red. A thickness began building at the back of my throat, maybe made up of suppressed tears, or perhaps words of comfort, possibly even the “No!” that the lead in a romantic comedy cries out on making it to the church in time, but I was thankful for that feeling because, combined with trying to manage the look of horror blanching my face into something indifferent, it kept me from openly sobbing. The look on that poor woman’s face, as the doctors I was shadowing at medical camp explained to her they’d discovered her pulmonary cancer, has always stayed with me. I’m almost thankful there aren’t adjectives awful enough to describe it. But that moment, those last three words, had an impact on me that the weight of speeding freight train crashing into me couldn’t replicate. It was that moment, I decided I knew, not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but what I needed to, and that was working in medicine.</p>

<pre><code>Worrying about my future has always been a hobby I excel at. From the time I entered middle school, I was already preparing to file income tax, and stressing about the paying the college loans I didn’t even have yet. My fears on what to do with the rest of my life took on the typical melodrama of a neurotic teenager, and were only assuaged by the comfort of a class the rest of my peers slept through, health class. For the first time in my life, the passion I had expended worrying about being passionless found direction in the roadmap of the human body and the atlas of biological discovery. The coursework for these classes was what I considered my reward for slogging through linear equations and compound sentences. When, a year later, I discovered Drexel University’s summer medical program for high school students, a program that required us to shadow medical professionals, sit in on surgeries, and learn skills such as suturing, I felt a joyous ecstasy I can only assume a lottery winner feels when the last number on their ticket is read aloud. While, shadowing the doctors focused my future on medicine, it was shadowing a nurse anesthetist that defined exactly what I wanted my future to be, and became my most memorable experience. Hospitals breed unease and fear, but listening to this extraordinary woman soothe a fearful patient with the balm of her kind words and the squeeze of her hand, put me at ease, and I wasn’t even sick. It was watching her that changed my entire perspective on humanity, and opened my eyes to the decency of human beings. It is my sincerest hope, with the help of your program, that someday this woman could be me.
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