College Admissions Despair

Applying to College
1

Hi there. I have never really posted on forums before, but here goes. I hope I’m not making a discussion that already has a thread. If so, let me know and I might just look to that for advice.

So I’m a senior in high school, and this admissions process is stressing me out immensely. I have submitted a few apps, but I keep obsessing over little details after the fact. I’ve also been obsessing over chance me threads and the like. It’s getting to the point of not just “doing some research” but a really unhealthy obsession.

It feels like once I get to the end of the school year and everyone gets into their colleges (or chooses to work or whatever else they have in mind), it will all just be… pointless…

Those who got into HYP or any other prestigious schools are going to be on cloud nine, as they well deserve. Congrats to them. Others will be accepted to what some might consider “mediocre” or “bad” schools, but be happy with their outcome (I ESPECIALLY admire these people. Like a lot-- more than I admire even HYP people. They’re so secure in themselves while I feel like a mess.) I know college isn’t a reflection of success. It’s WHAT you do there. But I still can’t cap these feelings of depression, fear, anxiety, dread, etc. I just want to escape.

So my point is, we’re all just going to be comparing our acceptances and rejections with one another, measuring our worth because, like a bunch of kids, we don’t know much more than that about the world to have an alternate scale of success/value. Then, after we’re done determining who is the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Who is a nobody and who is going to be the next Elon Musk. After all of that, we just leave. Leave and never see each other again.

That’s really sad to me. I don’t know how to be positive about this process anymore.

Personally, I applied ED to UPenn. Hoping for the best, but right now I’m just acting like I already got rejected (even though that makes me more depressed). I had an older brother who applied ED too with an even better app than mine, but got outright rejected. We aren’t the same people, but I do think there is still some correlation. Really terrified about the decision on Dec. 15th. You can’t really predict with these types of selective schools, so I won’t make a chance me thread. The number of ED apps increased this year, from 6147 apps to 6731 apps. Around 40 percent are from the northeast, which I think makes it even harder for me to get in.

Just… how do I deal with all this. Impossible chances. Negative environment at school. Cutthroat competition. I know that I at least need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Sorry for the essay. If you do comment, thanks so much for your time.

2

I think it’s good advice to apply to some good EA schools at the same time so you can hear good news in the event of a deferral or rejection. What you do in college defines you more than where you go. I know several unhappy people at Penn and others who absolutely love their state schools. The best thing for you to do right now is to not discuss college with your friends and work on other applications. If you like Penn, you may like Emory or Wash U and should consider applying ED2 if needed. I am a firm believer of “if it’s meant to be…”. You will have a bright future no matter where you go.

3

Have you applied to your state flagship and it’s Honors College? To a few EA schools you wouldn’t attending?

4

@MYOS1634 @Deaston
Applied EA to 2 schools. One is a safety close to my brother’s university. I’m also going to apply to state school, but it’s not a top choice. If none of my reaches/matches work out, I’d go to the safety school near my bro.

Emory and WashU are really expensive. That being said, most great schools are expensive. Penn has quite the price tag. Not qualified for financial aid grants so loans are pretty much the only option. Applying for merit aid, but it’s tough.

Emory doesn’t have much emphasis on technology. Though I’m not sure I want to do something in math or tech yet, I still want that option for when I decide later in college. I’m applying to GA tech instead.
I know WashU (in St. Louis? That’s the one you meant right?) is good for tech, but my parents aren’t happy about the cost combined with the distance. Same deal with Emory. GA Tech costs less oos but it’s in Atlanta too.
If you meant George Washington U, that’s also quite expensive and also has less emphasis on tech.

I’m worried that I’m applying to schools that TOO science/tech inclined and TOO academically rigorous. I don’t want to sink from the pressure in college. Looking at this list, do you think that’s true?

Current List:
Penn - reach
Johns Hopkins - reach
Carnegie - reach
GA Tech - match
Penn State - safe
Pitt - safe
Northeastern - match
Northwestern - reach

@Deaston yeah it’s probably best if I stop talking to friends about college. It’s hard to avoid though since it’s all anyone talks about right now. Makes me not even want to go to school anymore.

As of now, I’m not really looking forward to college. But I don’t want to take a gap year unless I have something meaningful to fill it with.

5

Thanks for the responses. It helps to get this stuff off of my chest.

6

Apply to both Penn State and Pitt’s Honors college.

You may want to add the Honors College at UDel and UMN (if you’re into Chemistry&chemical engineering), Lawrence and IIT (if you’re into Physics). Also strong in science, especially math and premed, St Olaf College. Grinnell for all sciences.

Are you interested in Science or in Tech?
You can only take 5.5k in loans for freshman year. What can your parents afford? Have you run the NPC’s? If your parents cannot pay the net cost as indicated by the NPC, you’re stuck.
If they cannot pay their EFC, you need to drastically change your list.
BTW, GTech is a reach, too.
You need to find 3-4 more affordable reaches. Affordable means that after you ran the NPC on each website your parents tell you the net cost is affordable for them without loans. Match means 40% admit rate and/or you rank top 25% (but for merit scholarships you need to be top 10%).

7

My parents say they will help me with the paying and handling the debt as long as the university is worth it (strong academically for the majors I’m considering).

I’m interested in both science and tech. I’m not sure which path I want to take yet. Hardcore tech/engineering versus purely theoretical sciences. I applied to Penn CAS as a math major because I know for a fact that I’m interested in math, and it’s really multidimensional-- I can go almost any course of career if I start with it. I also have access to humanities courses because I do have an interest in them as well, though I don’t want a career in humanities.

My family is good to afford expensive universities. It would just be a stressful time to pay off loans. Basically, we can definitely do it, but it should be worth the pain and effort. My bro is going to an expensive uni too. So we have to handle 2 kids’ tuitions.

If Penn ED works out in my favor, I would be ecstatic. We would take on the debt because I have discussed it in depth with my parents and agree it is worth it for many reasons. If it doesn’t, Pitt is my most likely choice.

Again, we can pay for Penn or any other expensive school. I am VERY thankful for being blessed with these circumstances. It will just be loads of stress.

I just got my Pitt acceptance (rolling) like sept. 20th, and was accepted to the honors college. I think you are automatically in the honors college if your stats are good enough (top 5%, 1450ish SAT I think. Don’t quote me though). Pitt’s really the only safety I’m really interested in going to, so I figured I could roll the dice with a few more reaches. I am applying to PSU too just in case.

I’m hoping for some merit aid from Pitt, but I haven’t been notified of anything yet. One of my friends got half tuition, which is great. I applied sept. 8th, so I hope that I do get considered.

I know I might be acting too dramatic given I’m already accepted somewhere. But, the further I get into this process, the more I just don’t want to go to college anymore.

Oh and yes, please correct me on any info I’m wrong about. Anything is helpful.

8

Also, does anyone have any advice for the following:
Many kids at my school are applying to reaches like HYP just for the heck of it. I was thinking that if I chose to do something similar, I would apply Brown because again, for various legitimate reasons. Is this wise? I am top of my class and stuff, but these schools are very unpredictable… is it worth the shot? I’m already applying to 8 schools so…

9

Before you apply, have you talked to a counselor?

It sounds like you need to talk to someone.

You’ve posted a very solemn thread.
College admissions are a grueling process, but everyone ends up where they are supposed to end up.

You will get your degree and, it will be fine.

10

@“aunt bea”
Yeah I’ve asked my counselor for lots of advice, but I don’t want to annoy her too much by bringing up this emotional stuff. She has a lot of students to deal with and she just got an intern. I think a lot of students are probably stressed out, so I don’t want to waste her time with my own emotional issues.
It’s just so frustrating. I started this process out thinking exactly that: I’ll get my degree and be fine. But my anxiety has just been building up more and more. I used to be excited about this, but now I just want it to be over.
It’s not that I feel like I won’t be successful - I’ll work hard wherever I go. I just feel that this process is degrading my self worth.

11

“Others will be accepted to what some might consider “mediocre” or “bad” schools, but be happy with their outcome (I ESPECIALLY admire these people. Like a lot-- more than I admire even HYP people.”

There was a kid in my high school. Loved cars and mechanical things. Got near 800 on the math SAT, and more like 550 on the English. Went to the local college, not prestigious at the time, majored in mechanical engineering, and was one of the happiest people at the 10th HS reunion. Loved his job, because he got to design mechanical things.

My point: college admissions isn’t the point. Any of the colleges you have discussed will give you a good education. You want to go some place where you will feel comfortable, have a good time, be inspired, meet interesting people, and be inspired to learn and succeed. One of the problems withe the most elite colleges is that they select for the people who buy into the concept of “elite colleges”–there is a self-consciousness that can be stifling. For many of these people, the greatest thing they will ever accomplish in life will be getting accepted to a prestigious college.

“Then, after we’re done determining who is the best of the best and the worst of the worst. Who is a nobody and who is going to be the next Elon Musk.”

Try this exercise: Find 20 people over the age of 40 that you admire or that are interesting. Maybe a CEO, an entertainer, your family doctor, your favorite NPR radio personality, your congress person, a couple of recent Nobel prize winners, a couple of prominent professors, people who have given interesting TED talks. Look up their educational backgrounds. They won’t all be from HYP, not by a long shot. Acceptance or rejection from an elite college does not determine “best and worst.” Some people are late-bloomers. Some just need to find themselves. Some will be inspired by experiences that cannot be had at HYP. I have worked with very highly successful people whose path to a prominent research position started at community college or a commuter school. And very few of the PhDs I work with got their undergrad degrees at “elite” colleges.

“After all of that, we just leave. Leave and never see each other again.”

I think you should see going to college as a chance to meet a whole new set of friends and colleagues…but you can,
and will, keep the good friends from high school that you have.

"If Penn ED works out in my favor, I would be ecstatic. We would take on the debt because I have discussed it in depth with my parents and agree it is worth it for many reasons. If it doesn’t, Pitt is my most likely choice.

Again, we can pay for Penn or any other expensive school. I am VERY thankful for being blessed with these circumstances. It will just be loads of stress."

Let me comment on debt. Debt could very well force you to make career decisions that aren’t natural for you, or could drag down your life for years after you graduate. Or maybe your parents end up paying for it all…but end up compromising their retirement plans. I would strongly advise that you consider the cost/debt situation carefully as you make your final college decisions. There are definitely some intangibles that might make a particular college desirable, but chasing the intangible with a wad of borrowed money is not the wisest thing, in my mind. Higher education is an area where cost-benefit is completely out of whack, and you most definitely do not always “get what you pay for.”

Finally—relax. You’ve done all the work. Enjoy your senior year with your friends, and spend some time pondering where you see yourself in ten years. Talk to some adults, for example, your friends’ parents. You don’t have to have it all figured out. But maybe you can start to see some of the big picture elements. Can you envision yourself being immersed in a field deeply, and don’t care about starting a family for a long time? Or conversely, maybe you can’t imagine yourself at age 28 still in school (grad school), while many of your friends will already be 5 years into their careers, getting married, buying houses, raising kids…These are the kinds of subjective feelings that can help channel your thinking about majors and fields; e.g. few engineers need or want to go beyond a 4 year degree, whereas in the biological sciences you will need a PhD plus at least one postdoc to get to the higher levels in the field.

12

It is so easy to read CC and feel as if most students won’t get in anywhere. I think it is wise not to read "chance me"threads. I find them quite ridiculous. If someone wants to know their chances they can look at the common data set for their intended school. Honestly, I think chance me threads are really brag threads in disguise. They are people looking for validation that they have great stats. Do yourself a favor and skip them.

The idea that you and your friends are going to leave and never see each other is a bit grim. Won’t you keep in touch via social media? Won’t you see one another when you come home on school vacations?

My ds and his friends don’t talk about applications, colleges or anything like that. They focus on the present, enjoying each other, having fun, and laughing together. Just yesterday three of them were at my home having the best day on their day off. I suggest you do the same. Be teenagers together not college counselors.

You have a great plan with all of your applications. Take care of them and then put them behind you and live in the present. People create stress for themselves by either focusing on the past or the future. Enjoy today.

13

Right now, you need to focus on finding affordable matches.

You have two problems:
First, finding the exact range your parents can afford out of pocket. That means: without loans - How much can they spend from their monthly income and how much, total, you they have in savings for your college (divide that last amount in 4). Once you have this range, run the NPC on every single college you’re applying to.
Most of your reaches do not give merit or only to a few, very select applicants (who have specific, expcetional characteristics they’re looking for - usually, they’re trying to poach students from Ivies by offering them a special named scholarship).
Second, you don’t like your safeties much, and almost everything else is reaches where your odds are low simply due to selectivity rate (anything below 30% acceptance is an automatic reach). Therefore, you need to find universities similar to Northeastern where you stand a 40-60% chance of admission which is also within the range of affordability without loans.

Odds are, you will attend a match or a safety. Therefore, you need to find matches you like, so that you don’t have to attend safeties you don’t like much.

What about UVermont? Villanova? Case Western Reserve? Michigan State?

If your parents can afford Penn with debt, ie., parent loans, it’s not “being able to afford”. It means they’re willing to mortgage their retirement for you and, because you’ve worked so hard and done so well, they don’t want you to have fewer options that your classmates. Yet, they may or may not qualify for these loans all 4 years (it happens often, and the student has to drop out, has a ton of debt, and doesn’t graduate from the expensive school). You have to think carefully.

14

You asked a question: “how do I deal with this?” You deal with it by understanding that the most important thing is to be happy, and getting into Penn is no guarantee of happiness. You also deal with it by being realistic. Your list has two matches and two safeties. You KNOW that reaches are a long shot. You KNOW that matches don’t guarantee acceptance. So are you truly going to be happy with possibly only two choices?

By applying to so many reaches, you have put a ridiculous amount of pressure on yourself. You haven’t given yourself a chance to feel at ease because you set your own bar so high that it might not be possible to get over it.

The minute you graduate from high school, you will understand that you never have to deal with 99% of those people again. That’s a good thing. Going forward, you will have more autonomy over who you choose to spend time with. Choose a couple of other match schools to apply to that you can afford and would be happy to attend, so that you have more options. Matches do not always come through. They are not safeties. There are hundreds of colleges where you can thrive, find like-minded people, find opportunities, be challenged, and be happy. There are many, many successful people who have attended no-name colleges. Do not assume that if you get into Penn, all the other students will be smiling ear to ear. There is a strong correlation between a school’s selectivity and reported rates of depression/anxiety, etc… Correlation doesn’t equal causation, of course. Just be sure to give yourself options. I have yet to see a student on CC complain because they have several good options to choose from, but I have seen dozens who complain because they are left with one, (or none), choice.

15

Just a note about GW, they tend to be generous in many cases with Merit Aide, so dont discount them, or other schools that you think might be too expensive. If you have an affordable safety school on your list (your instate options). then my opinion is that it doesnt hurt to apply to schools and see where you can get in, and what merit you might receive, but dont worry if you dont get in everywhere. ED Penn is a crap shoot like many of the top schools. You will find your place. You have done the work to get this you this far.

16

Thanks so much for all of the advice everyone. It helps to have someone respond to my concerns because I feel like I’ve just bottled everything up. I think I will consider some more matches and safeties to give myself more options. I will also talk this through with my parents some more. I feel a lot more relieved after reading these responses. Thanks to everyone who read my whiny essay post and took the time to give me some more wisdom about this process. :slight_smile:

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Good to hear, @senior2022 . When you feel yourself being overwhelmed by these thoughts again- and you will, especially the closer you get to decisions being released- read this thread again so you can maintain perspective.

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@senior2022

I will give you my stock advice, but it is very good advice I’ve seen validated time and time again.

Please take a moment to rethink your process. You should not approach college by the “rank” of the school. I know kids who have come home from Ivies to attend CCs because it was the wrong fit, kids who have left great state schools for local small LACs because they were overwhelmed and students who have left charming little LACs after a semester becaus they felt too confined.

I’ve seen students grind through 4 years of unhappiness at a “presitigious” school, unable to make use of the wonderful extras because they were chasing the academics the entire time.

I’ve seen students leave dream schools after 2 years, because it became clear that what they thought their parents could afford was not realistic and their parents did not want to disappoint them. (In fact, I was talking about this with a Starbucks manager this weekend. They went to Northereastern with lots of aid - but still had to gap with loans. They were working 2 jobs and their dad was pulling extra hours to stay on top of it. His sister went to the local State school, was working in her chosen industry and saving to buy a house.)

You have Penn ED, so if that happens, you know your path, but you clearly will have tons of other options: choose for your interest/excitement/passion/happiness (and finances.)

Pitt is a dream school for many, and full of opportunity But what kind of academic experience do you want? That is the most important thing. You are going to have some choices, I’d encourage you to really look at what at school you think will make you happy and prioritize those attributes. Close to friends? (One of my kids is close to home and sees lots of her HS friends regularly) Small, intimate setting to get to know professors well? (LAC, thought honors colleges might provide an even better option for this.) etc. etc.

Take a deep breath, know you will great options, and choose for yourself and your family finances.

19

I’m a freshman here, so if you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to pm me. Like you said, college admissions feels like a big deal senior year, but then we all part our separate ways and don’t fixate on where everyone got in once we start at our new school.

20

A old classmate and friend of mine, Frank Bruni (NYT and MSNBC contributor), wrote a book that I highly recommend “Where You’ll Go Is Not Who You’ll Be”. It helped me go through the college admission process with my eldest and now I think I need to read it again as my youngest is applying to colleges now. Frank talks about two kids who went to a highly competitive high school and very cutthroat. One couldn’t get in the Ivies and instead went to Indiana University and the other went to an Ivy (can’t remember which one). The kid at IU was not only a hard working student but took on many leadership roles at IU. Both students ended up holding the same position at a firm in Chicago. Yes, there is an advantage of networking by attending a prestigious college but sometimes this value is overstated if you burnout. Second tier colleges are filled with amazing professors and with talented students. I remember that one kid a couple of years ago got into every Ivy college and decided to go to Alabama. His family made too much money to receive financial aid so he relied on merit scholarships. He also decided that getting his masters degree at an Ivy someday would be a better way to spend his money in the future.

Try to relax your senior year. It’s rough but remember where you’ll go is not who you’ll be. I tell my daughter this everyday during this crazy admission process.