<p>It's been pretty quiet at my D's school where they're counseled, from day one, that with freedom comes responsibility. Plus there is the code of conduct: respect for self, respect for others, and respect for the school environment. I gather that the kids may talk on a 1:1 basis with their friends. but most of them don't trumpet their successes because they don't want to hurt their classmates. (D reported that she only learns about a kid's acceptance if it's volunteered.) I was surprised to learn that she spent three days helping one friend with her college app--making a video as part of the supplement--because the friend had been rejected EA by one school and really wanted to get into her #2 choice. There are a lot of kids who were either deferred or rejected outright by their ED/EA schools while others were accepted, but they seem to have weathered the disappointment with the emotional support of their friends.</p>
<p>All this is very interesting...as a homeschooler, who happened to be the only senior in our homeschool group applying to highly selective colleges last year, my daughter did not face these issues. Indeed, all her friends (all of whom were older or younger) were rooting for her! Everyone she knew was thrilled when she got into all her choices.</p>
<p>More complicated issues for younger sister (almost 4 years younger) who isn't sure about the path she wants to follow. And her older sister is a tough act to follow. </p>
<p>As my wise old dad always said, "Comparisons are odious." Or, as Shakespeare wrote (in Midsummer Night's Dream), "Comparisons are odiferous."</p>
<p>Education is a journey, not a footrace. (wise quotation--I'd love to know the source.)</p>
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Education is a journey, not a footrace. (wise quotation--I'd love to know the source.)
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</p>
<p>I beleive it is ancient
Other versions have been "happiness" is a journey not a destination ( insert success/education/life)</p>
<p>S has been wearing his BU sweatshirt to school because it's going to take four months to educate his Jesuit school classmates that he is NOT going to Boston College, but Boston University. He's the only student who applied there, so there are no rivalry or envy issues. Like Marite's S, he's sensitive to other's feelings, and I doubt he would wear a sweatshirt of a school from which friends were deferred or rejected.</p>
<p>I have to say at my daughter school I didn't even notice. A 1/4 of the students were going on to a "gap" year experience, including my daughter, and it seemed like every one was pretty happy with their choices, even though one of her friends had to do a last minute visit to two schools that he couldn't make up his mind about.
At her sisters considerably bigger school, there is a little more tension. I have noticed students who couldn't be older than sophmores wearing Yale and Caltech sweatshirts, even lesser known ones like Kalamazoo and Earlham. I imagine that they could have sibs attending those schools, I don't know?</p>
<p>A lot of kids wear sweatshirts from schools that their sibs attend. My D wears sweatshirts from UCLA (given to her by her brother) and one from Cal (because the logo had special meaning to her). Fortunately, the only other student who applied ED to Pomona was also accepted, so that works out well.</p>
<p>Our school is one of those where very few students apply to selective schools, and ED is very rare. There were two ED acceptances my S's year; one to Duke, and his to Columbia. (When they wore their hoodies to school, the general impression was that one was a basketball fan, and the other bought things from a particular sporting clothes company:).) </p>
<p>Seriously, the top students were very supportive of each other. S was really rooting for a friend who applied to Columbia RD--was unfortunately turned down, but accepted to Penn and Cornell, so that worked out well. I think the collaberation really helped them all--they had far more selective apps and acceptances than was usual for our HS. I hope that trend continues.</p>
<p>My son helped a lot of his friends with their essays and got help from others. His friends used to have this big session in the basement of our house, writing drafts on their laptops (or pen and paper) and helping each other. Many people got deferred from the same school in that group and some accepted. I don't think there was any rancor. We (including myself) learned a lot from the process. My son helped his good friend of his with essays till he was blue in the face. That kid got into CMU computer science, RPI etc. There was a lot of commiserating on Dec 15th after ED decisions.</p>
<p>Our school is a good school district in terms of academic rigor (and no grade inflation whatsoever) and quality of education but as a whole we don't have that great a record of sending kids to selective colleges. Out of a total of 750, about 30 go to selective schools (top 50 in USNEWS and top LACs) and only 6-7 to HYPMSC schools. None to Stanford or Yale in recent memory.</p>
<p>6-7 HYPMSC? A year? I don't think we've had that many in the last decade! (never heard of a Harvard, 1Yale and 1 Princeton way back--both athletes, 1 Standford ages ago (strastospheric academic star), and MIT every now and then. ) Top fifty and top LACs--maybe 10 this year (counting military academies ), which as I said is a great year for us.</p>
<p>i don't know about admissions going as far as breaking up friendships, but there is a cutthroat mentality at my school right now. Everyone knows where everyone else is applying, and inquires with sugar voices as to have we heard back yet. Everyone keeps careful track of who is what college. Everyone discusses whether or not so-and-so should have gotten into this or that school, often concluding the answer is "no" in round robin type snit sessions.</p>
<p>I don't like it at all, and I'll be glad when it's over.</p>
<p>Babybird, my oldest son was so out of tune as far as colleges go that he could not tell you who was accepted where or what colleges accepted him or where he ended up applying. That was his mindset, not that of the school. Names of the colleges just didn't stick in his brain because they just were not important to him. He figured he would sit down in April and look at his choices and decide then. And he didn't give a fig about who was going where. He's still a bit that way as he was talking with some of his brother's classmates and other kids in his sport that are going through the process this year, when he was home here for Christmas. He vaguely remembers that he might have applied to Williams and/or Davidson, but really does not remember any thing else, and can't keep straight who is considering what. On the other hand, the girl he was dating senior year knew every single college anyone she knew was considering and the status of each and I remember that my S drove her nuts as she couldn't get much info out of S. And he couldn't be less interested. So it really depends on the person.</p>
<p>Garland, yes, 6-7 HYPSMC a year. I didn't think that was a good record considering that the school is an academically rigorous school and no grade inflation at all. But sorry, I thought that was sort-of poor considering how the "better" school districts in NJ like Princeton have a record of sending large percentages to these schools.</p>
<p>I could tell you the name of our district, but then I'd have to kill you. :)</p>
<p>But seriously, you'd understand why I was so impressed. </p>
<p>Actually, we live very near Princeton type districts, so I do know that we're not the norm as far as NJ goes.</p>
<p>There were about 37 seniors in D's class last yr. From what I observed, they worked independently (from one another) in chosing their colleges as well as preparing their applications. All were supportive of the choices and happy for one another when decisions were in. Off the top my head, 4 matriculated to Ivies, 4 attended top 10 LACs, 6 to UCs, and 3 to USC.</p>
<p>Um.... hmm. OK, I'll go out on a limb here and offer a largely different perspective. My S attends an academically rigorous private school, fairly new. There are roughly 120 students in each year's class. Last year, there were a total of 29 acceptances to HYPSMC. This year (my S's graduating class) there have already been 14 HYPSMC acceptances EA/ED alone. There is zero chance that anyone my S knows isn't applying for spots at the same schools as many of their classmates. I am fairly impressed with the support the students are giving each other through this whole process: they seem genuinely happy for the kids who've been accepted to their dream schools, and genuinely perplexed over some of the deferrals from the early rounds. And I don't think there's an athlete amongst them. ;-) While most of the kids know who got in where, there doesn't seem to be any negative or cut-throat attitude amongst them -- maybe just by virtue of there being such a wealth of excellent acceptances, and a belief that everyone is likely to have good choices? (Just a guess, I have no idea why the pettiness I'd worried might appear hasn't seemed to.)</p>
<p>Wow--you all sure live in a different world than we do!!!</p>
<p>My son is in a similar type of a school though larger and the stats are similar. And he doesn't see any issues, though I did want him to keep a low profile and not crow out his good fortunes since there had to be a number of kids hurting after the early decisions came out. Since he went through his panic period when the NYU EDs came out--he was that close to applying ED there and did not, and got a terrible case of the "shouldas". he knew well what I was saying. But I am looking at the school through his eyes as each parent does through his/her child's and others may not see the same thing. The college counselor there indicated to me that there are some issues of this sort, particularly among some of the parents and it can be a touchy subject.</p>
<p>My kid seems irked that two of the kids who got in ED are flaunting it. I disagree that wearing a sweatshirt and decorating a locker is flaunting an acceptance, but he sees it that way. He was accepted at one of his top choice schools in early Nov. - probably the first in his class to hear anything - and he basically told no one. He didn't want them to feel badly even though no one else at his school had applied there. I told him he had to at least tell the GC! I think what he is really annoyed about is that those who got in ED or EA with no money worries are DONE while he is still wondering and worrying.... I don't hear much about it ruining friendships, but kids do seem to be commenting that some lucky ones didn't have to do any apps over the holidays and those who were deferred did....</p>
<p>Well those who did have apps to do over the holidays could have passed on that experience by having all apps done and ready to go..to the postoffice or to the shredder. But it is true that it can be tough for those kids who have some big financial as well admissions issues to see the luckier ones who are already in and know that their way is paid. I think your son is wondefully sensitive and give him a big thumbs up!</p>
<p>I certainly agree with NJ that the Newsweek article seemed mostly like a mega-boast about getting in to Yale, and I said so in the similar thread that popped up last year after the article appeared. To my surprise I got a private email from the author's parent, who said that the article had been edited beyond recognition by the good folks at Newsweek, which caused me to reflect that the media certainly does like to stir up controversy!</p>