<p>Looking for advice, calming works, sedatives, etc. My senior D, 4.0 unweighted, 36 ACT, etc, etc,, has yet to apply to any colleges. She has two schools targeted for EA, including the one that has been her dream school since 8th grade, and her safety. I have done my part, proofing essays, starting the CSS Profile, not to mention having followed this site faithfully for four years. We did the requisite East Coast college tour. How can a kid who has done everything in her power to be in the position to apply to top schools just shut down when it comes time to actually apply? She is about 90% done with both of these EA apps, and has been at this same point for over a week.</p>
<p>When are the EA schools due?</p>
<p>If these are due November 1, can you give her a day off school - preferably Monday - to finish them up? </p>
<p>Edited to say I do feel your pain. They’ve come so far and it’s hard to watch them dawdle toward the end!</p>
<p>As someone who has two kids who submitted all 10 - 12 of their apps literally within hours of the due hour, I obviously can give you no advice. But as long as the due date is at least a week off, give her some space. </p>
<p>And the worst outcome here is what… that she applies RD instead of ED?</p>
<p>Sometimes procrastinating is a sign that she’s not ready to commit. So as long as you’ve got a cheerful reminder on the fridge door " early applications to X and Y due next Friday" you’re covered. And now step back- this is a decision she needs to own.</p>
<p>If they are EA she doesn’t have to commit. In my experience this is not uncommon even for the kid who really does have a favorite and is well prepared to apply. Our oldest and our neighbor kid went through the same thing. Is there hard stuff left of just fill in the blanks. With out D I had to sit there by her for one and talk her through each section. It just got big and overwhelming along with all the work of the rest of school. Pop some popcorn and even put on a relaxing movie if it’s busy work type stuff, then make a party out of it to knock out whatever parts remain. Does she need help brainstorming on a short answer essay? Our D is now happily at the school that was her favorite all along so it worked out. She just got stress blocks with all that was going on senior year and it was easier in the short term to clam up and have a nap.</p>
<p>It might be perfectionism causing the procrastination. Are these on common app? Can she finish the CA essay then submit to a safety without supplements? That might help her get over the psychological hurdle.</p>
<p>@blossom, These are EA, not ED, so no fear of commitment. Her “safety”, a top state flagship, accepts most of their applicants EA. She is in-state, a legacy, her HS is a feeder school, and with her stats should be a slam dunk. But they have a firm Nov. 1 deadline for EVERY piece of the app. If she doesn’t make EA, she will likely have no acceptances until April. </p>
<p>Yes, I think she feels so much is riding on these applications that she is paralyzed. She wants it all right, but is afraid she won’t get it. </p>
<p>I don’t know what will unstick her. Some ideas: let her know you love her no matter where she goes to college, let her know she will be successful no matter where she ends up. Let her see there are many paths she can take and be happy. </p>
<p>Does she have procrastination and/or anxiety issues? </p>
<p>is she afraid of rejection?</p>
<p>It might help if you have her apply to a couple of Rolling Admissions schools, so she has those in hand for security. Apply now and the acceptances would be received in a couple of weeks. That may relieve some anxiety and allow her to move forward with the competitive admissions.</p>
<p>Top kids aren’t used to failure or rejection. For them, it’s been win, win, win…all the way. </p>
<p>…and maybe she doesn’t want to be that far away from home?</p>
<p>I had the same thing with my DD. She has high stats and gets very stressed about school in general. The only explanation I have come up with is that she was afraid of getting rejected. The longer they hold off applying, the longer it will be until they might not get accepted. My DD says she starts sweating every time she thinks of college. She finished her apps, but due to her major and college locations there were only 2 schools and one was a definite safety. When she got the acceptance letter from the safety she got the biggest smile on her face and I had known without a doubt that she would be accepted. I really think she was just worried that by some freak chance she would be denied. Not realistic, but this is really her first experience with having someone else in charge of her future. I think she was afraid of some stranger saying “you aren’t good enough for us”. I try not to bring up college stuff too much now and I’m the one checking the status page of the other college. Good luck!</p>
<p>What works for one may not work for others but what worked with my DS is having what we called “working lunches”. I would get take out from his favorite Italian restaurant and we would sit at the table with our food and dueling laptops and I would pick a school and ask "what is left XYZ U? He would grumble something about a supplement and I would say “seriously, it’s only 250 words - just crank something out - i’ll give you one hour after you finish eating to complete the essay - i want you hitting send by the end of the day.” Another incentive was to explain to him the benefits for applying early with regards to housing. With your daughter’s stats, the essay does not have to be the best piece of literature in the history of mankind - she just needs to do it.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids, LOL she has been wanting to be “away” since about 8th grade too! I think you are right about the anxiety/procrastination though. She has just been able to power through it up to this point. And your advice about a rolling, “super-safety” is a good idea.</p>
<p>EA is not commitment. My kids were awful procrastinators. I’m pretty sure their EA applications went in on the last day or two. I know their regular ones did. With my oldest I found that just sitting in the room with him kept him more or less on track. He just loathed the essay writing. With the younger one, it was more that he spent a long time tailoring each application to the individual schools. It must have worked because he did better with acceptances than his grades or scores would have predicted.</p>
<p>YOU are starting to freak out a week early. </p>
<p>I guarantee that all day next Saturday will be spent filling out the applications and it will all be fine. Not stress-free, but fine. </p>
<p>Oh did I mention the problem we had with the common app server uploading essays on Halloween? All was eventually fine. It’s nothing a good stiff drink (for you not for her) can’t fix. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t surprised if the daughter has the fear of submitting because then it would be out of her control.</p>
<p>It is probably just a case of nerves. Once you submit the application you can’t change or improve it anymore – it is out of your hands. The “power” shifts from your D deciding to apply to the admissions departments who decide on the application. Have a talk, tell her to relax, finish up the last couple of things, give it one more read (even if you do it together), and send it in. </p>
<p>I’d try to reinforce the idea that she has done everything right and that you hope her dream school works out but that there are a ton of great schools out there and she will undoubtedly end up at one of them. Getting into a school is not a referendum on her or her abilities, but it is a matter of if one small group of people in the admissions department thinks that she fits in with the class they want to create. Don’t panic – my S had some trouble hitting that “send” button the first time as well and it all worked out. </p>
<p>Wait, she’s 90% done and still has a week before they’re due? To most teens that would be doing things perfectly normally. Heck, that would be perfectly normal for this old mom. I don’t see any meltdown nor any need for a bunch of diagnoses. </p>
<p>My second D had high stats but certainly not as high as your D’s (congrats!). As with your D, my D2 is most definitely a perfectionist/control freak and is used to succeeding at most everything. </p>
<p>Think about it this way: after 17 years, she’s about to leave her comfortable, well-known nest. And you’re asking her to hurry it up and get those apps in - which will likely be accepted - thereby sealing her fate. By next August she’ll not be sleeping in her own cozy bed in her own cozy room in her own cozy house, eating mom and dad’s cooking, and you get my drift. </p>
<p>I like the idea of applying to a rolling app school. Both Ds did this and there was huge relief when one school was in the yes column. FYI, D2 selected that school for college. I also like the idea of taking Monday to get’er done. Perfectionists/control freaks need to get off-track, especially to finish up applications. Yes, I’m saying go play hooky. The sun will still come up and she’ll have met a milestone.</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here, including giving her permission to play hooky one day next week. Do heed the warning about college websites getting overloaded and freezing up during those last few hours before a deadline. Best to pretend the deadline is midnight on the Play Hooky day!</p>