College controlling student's weight

Parents Forum
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<p>My D (3rd to leave home so I’ll call her D3) is a freshman at a NESCAC school and loving everything about the school. But yesterday I discovered during a text chat that she’s having a really distressing situation with the health center and concern about her weight. She was a 2 sport varsity athlete in HS but started a new sport in college, and for something having to do with the team, she had to go to the health center and get weighed, and they became concerned about her weight. She is 5’4” and weighs under 100 pounds. This is normal in our family and if you saw her you wouldn’t think she was underweight. The women in my family are all small, my mother, me, daughters, – we’re all between 5’1” and 5’4” and 90 – 105 pounds. It’s just the way we are. We eat very normally – it’s just a body type. You might not even think, looking at us, that we weigh so little because we are all a good weight for our small frames. It’s not model/magazine thin, it’s a physical type. </p>

<p>However, the college is very concerned. They say there is required BMI for college. They are making her come in every day, do blood work, urine tests, food journal, hour long conversations every day. They are telling her she can’t do her sport unless she gains X pounds. She’s already gained 4 pounds but she says it’s incredibly frustrating and stressful – eating all the time, spending so much time at the health center, daily testing, while trying to manage a full life of classes, labs, her sport, school symphony, a club, running for student government, dorm meetings and activities ... and all as a first year.</p>

<p>She might not have told me, but we were having a rambling text conversation and it kind of spilled out of her. These are excerpts from her texts: “I’m actually up to 98 as of today…a lot of time I could be spending doing more useful or even fun things…I’m happy and healthy and certainly not losing weight so that has to count for something…this whole thing is just a spectacularly annoying pain the ass and also stressful and demeaning. I am not a child…the thing that’s emotionally distressing/frustrating isn’t even the weight issue so much as just not having people listen to me. So thank you for listening”. That last bit made me so sad.</p>

<p>She’s a very independent girl – very very independent -- and as a parent I err on the side of neglect ☺ rather than helicoptering (actually I do try to get it right). But she is also someone who doesn't like to make waves, doesn't like confrontation, doesn't like to put people out etc. They called her Switzerland in middle school. So she won’t complain about the situation, she’ll just stay frustrated, and I’m wondering if I can help her to figure out how to end the helicoptering by the school! This business of a college requiring a BMI seems insane to me. It’s not what colleges should be doing. They’ve done all the tests, determined that she’s super healthy, not even a little anemic, she eats well, etc. I appreciate that they feel responsible for her health…but time to stop!</p>

<p>But I don't know how to help without contacting the school and although I might be willing at this point, I’m not sure that I could actually accomplish anything. I’m not even sure what I’m asking of the CC community except that I feel uncharacteristically helpless, and sad for D. I’m sure this is affecting her ability to manage her schedule, do her sport and stay enthusiastic about her freshman year. ☹ If she can’t gain all that weight and won’t be able to do her sport it will be such a huge bummer for her; she’s a dedicated athlete and was really excited about this new sport. It seems to be a cloud over what had been a bright time in her life, and I don't know how to help. </p>

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<p>TL;DR: naturally small/thin college freshman is being told she can’t play sports unless she gains a fair amount of weight, and daily tests, weights and meetings are being required. College has determined via bloodwork that student is healthy, but are requiring a particular BMI. Even her college attendance may be in jeopardy if she doesn’t comply with this “standard”.</p>

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<p>There was a story like this last year from Yale:
<a href=“Yale student , 92 lbs., stuffed her face with Cheetos, ice cream to pacify school officials”>http://www.nhregister.com/general-news/20140406/yale-student-92-lbs-stuffed-her-face-with-cheetos-ice-cream-to-pacify-school-officials&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Great…just what we need. Helicopter college admin busybodies dictating BMI/weight norms even when students are found to be healthy. </p>

<p>Unless there is serious evidence a student has serious illness/health issues, college admins need to stop hovering. </p>

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<p>Parents generally should not intervene in their child’s college, but this sounds like one time when it make sense. I’ve had two kids in college and have only had one situation where I felt that I had to intervene (very different problem than your D’s, but it was a significant issue) – for better or worse the school took my complaint much more seriously than when my S said the same thing – only after I (and other parents) got involved was the situation rectified. Talk to your D, tell her you understand the school’s good intentions but disagree with what the schools is doing and that you want to talk to them about it…then make a call and tell the school the same thing…if necessary get letters from your D’s doctor at home etc. </p>

<p>And (an unsolicited recommendation) my D is also very petite/small and I send chocolate flavored Boost with her to school – she keeps it in the refrig. in her room and she says she goes through a few a week and it seems to help her hold her weight.</p>

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<p>Can you have her pediatrician send a letter to the college certifying that her weight is fine based on her medical history?</p>

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<p>@stradmom, the first thing they did was call and get her records from home so they know her whole history! It seems that it’s just this arbitrary BMI standard dictating the whole uproar. </p>

<p>@happy1, thanks for the idea. I had forgotten but I used to drink protein drinks to keep weight on when I was younger. I’ll send a box and see if she’ll actually drink them!</p>

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<p>@LBowie, so funny that you shared that article because last night I told D: this wouldn’t be happening if you had gone to that bigger U - her 2nd choice, Yale! Apparently I was wrong and it does happen at Yale.
@Cobrat. Amen. amen. Frankly, I think it’s crazy and a huge waste of our time and money. I cannot in my wildest imagination picture my UG university back in the early 80s micromanaging the weight of its female students.</p>

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<p>I have heard this, that low weight is an issue at some colleges, including some Ivies.</p>

<h1>1 - contact the school and have a copy of the policy sent to you. Find out if it is a general policy or only because she is on a sports team.</h1>

<h1>2 - if you can afford it, go over the policy with a lawyer.</h1>

<h1>3 - Daily blood tests and urine tests are completely ridiculous, and useless, and amount to harassment.</h1>

<p>What I’d do if it was my daughter:

  • Call and insist that the maximum she be tested is every month, preferably every three months. Daily is completely ridiculous. (but - the sports team might require weekly weigh-ins)
  • Get her an evaluation from a psychiatrist attesting that she does NOT have an eating disorder.
  • Get her family doctor to attest to her health.</p>

<p>On the other side of it:

  • You argue that “we’re just like that” but if she doesn’t meet the criteria, she doesn’t. Can she change what she eats and how much she exercises to gain some weight? I would find it unusual that someone who is muscular would be 5’4" and under 100 lbs. Are you implying that your whole family did the amount of activity needed for college sports and were in the weight range you listed?
  • Guess what - if she is playing a sport in college she is likely increasing her physical activity from 5 - 10 hours per week to 20+ hours per week, and more if she is in season. Maybe she is losing weight or not maintaining?
  • The important part is if she is healthy. If all her stats are fine, THEY are damaging her by forcing her into this campaign.</p>

<p>IMHO - I would make sure the counseling center is involved and <em>protects her</em> from harassment. BUT: she might get kicked off the team or benched. It is possible that it may be the price she has to pay, start packing on a few pounds so she will be allowed to play sports.</p>

<p>(My key to weight gain - appetizers - mini quiche lorraine, pigs in blankets, puff pastry thingies.)</p>

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<p>My friends’ daughter is a talented runner at a D1 school. D1 has VERY strict rules about athletes and their weight. This young lady is 2 1/2 pounds too light, so she is not allowed to run in meets! I just learned about this today and was surprised, because I had never heard of this rule. The girl is TRYING to gain weight, but when you run 50+ miles a week for training, it’s hard!</p>

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<p>A medical suggestion - Just make sure that the school is not tracking something leading to its cause for concern. I am sure you know that issues, such as amenorrhea and sporadic cycles, are linked to body weight, mainly body fat %. If your D is having any of those issues, which could be brought by her sport activities, the school may be targeting her BMI, as the issue when it is not. My suggestion is to make absolutely sure there is not something symptomatic, other than thin appearance, that has the school concerned. If it just appearance, then stepping in and providing a history of the females’ weights in your family seems very appropriate. </p>

<p>An example of how something can trigger attention, even if normal for one’s family, is my Dad naturally has high cholesterol; very high, in the 400+ range. OK, I get checked a year ago and weight and everything is normal, but cholesterol is 370+. I go in for another test after some serious fasting and the same thing 380. Doctor wants to put me on mediation and all sorts of diets. I say no. Why? My dad is 80 and his level is still 400+ and has zero artery blockage or heart issues, healthy as can be expected at that age. My mom is also high, around 290 or so, but healthy too with no artery blockages anywhere. My uncles - all 300+ regardless of what they eat. When I explained this to my doc, he backed off. Family history does mean something.</p>

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<p>@rhandco, @MaineLonghorn I didn’t want to mention the college or sports, bc I don’t know if she is still on CC, but…she was a runner in HS, both XC and track, and honestly I don’t know how much she weighed all the time, because we don’t have a scale at home but I would guess that her weight averaged 100-ish pounds. It was varsity teams for a private school and her weight was never an issue. She is very fit and has a distinctly non curvy body so where most women have extra pounds or natural female fat, she doesn’t have those. Also, athletes weight does vascillate more than most of ours - in season and off season can be different, which is part of what MaineLonghorn is pointing to, I think. Anyway, she is now training with the crew team (coxswain obviously but training is the same) at her D3 school, so a daily 3 hour workout (seriously), plus she still runs for fun and swims ands hikes…she may have dropped a few pounds since being on campus. No one else in the family moves any faster than a stroll :slight_smile: so you are right about her burning many more calories. BUT the point is that any standards/rules/norms are in the interest of HEALTH, not just hitting random bars.</p>

<p>I appreciate your advice/input and am going to pursue 1) negotiating a less invasive testing routine, and 2) getting a copy of school policies. Now, why didn’t I think of that?!?! Although my main concern is about the team, the other piece is that they are not going to drop it even if they don’t allow her to row. She has to hit this bar just to be on campus. So, I guess care packages with eclairs and cream puffs are in order. </p>

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<p>I’m reminded of a story in my life. When one of my sons was in first grade, the school wanted to take him from 100% regular education and put him in 100% special ed in a class with three other kids and two teachers and one aide. I flipped and contacted the state, and negotiated that he be put in that classroom for only two subjects, and all non-academics and lunch would be with regular kids, completely mainstreamed. Note that they had told me about the proposed change with one warning - a phone call that said “how do you get your son to behave?” after three weeks of first grade.</p>

<p>I had found out within a week that the law required LRE - least restrictive environment - and making such a huge change was way too restrictive (he was committing evil crimes in his regular first grade class like standing up and looking out the window when he was bored - how terrible!). I also found out later full EIGHT of the teacher’s class of SIXTEEN were sent for classification - hmmm…</p>

<p>Point is, it reminds me of your daughter’s case - they are restricting her life. They need to have a good reason to do so, per their policies but also keeping her mental health in mind. My son was so stressed to be in the special ed classroom that any benefit was hard to see, and he did get back to a regular classroom completely in 2nd grade. He is in high school now and doing great.</p>

<p>What is best on paper is not necessarily what is best for your child. Sometimes we have to convince the schools of that.</p>

<p>PS - I had another thought - is it possible for her to talk to the coach about it? Surely other coxswains might have had this issue in the past.</p>

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<p>…from a medical standpoint, as well. Averages are just that, averages and some people fall outside. Making someone do something physically that is against his chemistry can bring on other issues, such as overeating changes blood chemistry, which can easily lead to sleep deprivation, digestive issues and other issues. Just make sure the reasoning is sound, as not everyone is average. The school is clearly being extra cautious, justified or not. </p>

<p>My oldest DS was sent home with a note from pre-K saying that they wanted him tested for slow learning and other issues. Why? Because at age 2 1/2 he was not talking; not a word to teachers or other kids. I told them I was unconcerned and that to give it the rest of the year. The school disagreed, but figured my check was useful (a private school), so they let it go. When they asked me why I would not spend $$$ on tests, I told them I did not talk until past age 3 1/2 almost 4 (my first words were actually a full coherent sentence - freaked my parents out), and late-talking boys runs in my family. And as expected, within 8 months, DS was talking up a storm. </p>

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<p>I can’t even read all of this. It is simply insane. As a person with the far more common problem of tending to GAIN weight, I would KILL to be “cursed” with the problem of finding it hard to gain.</p>

<p>Okay, I appreciate that the school is concerned about anorexia and bulimia, but come on. I usually think kids should deal with college things themselves, but this strikes me as an instance where you need to step in and make it very, very clear that this is simply your D’s inherited, normal body type and they should back off lest they induce a severe body image problem in an otherwise healthy person.</p>

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<p>BMI is an unreliable estimate. It doesn’t work for a lot of people. Get your doctor and lawyer involved. The college is creating an unsafe environment for your daughter. </p>

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<p>If she wasn’t on this new team sport, would the college still be micromanaging her weight?</p>

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<p>I am not comfortable in going as far as saying unsafe. Unrealistic and unnecessary are more like it, if the school is absent a quantifiable symptomatic reason other than thin appearance.</p>

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<p>@bp0001, I’ve been researching BMI tonight bc I didn’t previously know much about it. From everything I’ve been reading, it’s actually a supremely useless measure of much at all, except maybe as a rough gauge of obesity.
Why would this enlightened college be doing this? I wonder if it’s something to do with liability…maybe I really should consult a lawyer before I call. Others suggested the same ^. D is definitely distressed.</p>

<p>Decided I am definitely going to both call and write the school, just need to figure out the best channel…this is a new school for us so I don’t know anyone outside admissions. </p>

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<p>I googled and found a long NCAA document on female athletes and eating disorders. They are very concerned about it.</p>