We are using a college counselor who is working on essays with my daughter. My daughter is a good writer but I don’t think this particular essay is so great, partly because of the topic but also because the true quality of her writing doesn’t come through. College counselor loves the essay and so my daughter is ready to submit it. I think my daughter likes it too. I was doubting myself so I sent the essay to my sisters and to two of my friends. None of them liked it. (My one sister’s husband liked it though.) I don’t know what to do now because the college counselor is the “expert” and my daughter thinks she knows more than I do. I haven’t told her that I sent it to all those people because I think if I do that she will feel ganged up on. I really just did it so I would know if my feelings were justified.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how to handle this situation? Thanks.
College essay are very rarely the best writing a kid has ever done. What’s important is that your DAUGHTER like it and feels comfortable sending it. I think you were really out of line sending it to all the family without her knowledge. What a tremendous breach of privacy that makes me wonder if you aren’t a little too invested in where she ends up going to school. I know it’s hard but take a step back and let your D make this decision.
Yes, this was a breach of D’s privacy, though the intentions were good. A better move would have been to ask her permission to share it with a neutral third party like a teacher the D respects. It’s not too late to do that now. Ask D if she’d be willing to consider getting another opinion. You can also make your reservations known to the college counselor. It not unreasonable to share your concerns: You are the one paying for the counselor. He or she may be able to reassure you if they explain their thinking and where this essay fits into the overall application.
Ultimately, you either trust the counselor or not. Have others who worked with the counselor found his/her advice both in general and on essays to be reasonable/useful? Is this the only reservation you have about the counselor’s expertise/guidance? If you don’t trust the counselor, maybe you need to get someone you do trust - but your D will have to agree to build a new relationship which is hard at this stage. Is it going to be worth the angst involved?
It is her essay & her application to college. If she likes it, and the college counselor likes it, then that should settle the matter. As parents we know our children too well to judge their essays.
I haven’t read my son’s essay. He worked with a college counselor on the essays, and the essay have been deemed well-written, interesting, etc.
I am not sure I will read the essays because I want them to be wholly his work. He is happy with them and applying to college is his responsibility.
I don’t think you should have sent your daughter’s essays off to be read without your daughter’s OK. Don’t you think this in a violation of privacy? How embarrassing would it be for your daughter to have a relative come up to her and criticize her writing?
IMHO, ask her to let an English teacher look at it for her. If that teacher gives the okay, then give up.
I wanted my son to do that, only, and not look at his essay, but he started too late so we helped with some grammar and editing and so on (and his memory LOL). I wasn’t 100% happy but it needed to get done, so:
good news is she started early
good news is that she has feedback
The only question I have is, do you really think she should trash it, or could you make a few gentle suggestions instead?
As for other people reviewing it, unless she explicitly said NOT to do that, if she gave you access to it, I don’t see a problem with it. I wouldn’t volunteer that info though.
And do you have an example of an essay by her where “the quality of her writing comes through”?
I totally feel for you, OP. I’ve decided not to read my children’s essays at all because I fear I will feel like you do and not know the right way to handle it. My kids had/have a school counselor (at a private school so they are at least decent), and for my younger child, I’ve hired a private counselor as well strictly to help with essays. I knew my youngest would be the one to ask me to read his essays, and I just don’t want to be criticizing something so personal. So I am just pointing him to the private counselor and keeping my fingers crossed!
Also I know my limitations. I can edit for grammar and spelling (those years and years of reading have paid off), but do I really know what constitutes a good story? What tale will reveal whatever is supposed to be revealed? I have no idea.
I like the advice above to have her confer with a trusted English teacher . . .and if the teachers says it is good, I’d just go with it.
Best of luck with it, and I’m sure the outcome for your daughter won’t hinge on this one essay!
Presumably you hired this college consultant for her expertise. Why are you questioning it?
For the record, our kids worked on college essays with their HS English teachers the first several weeks of school. Our kids had both completed, and we’re ready to submit before this started. The essays they wrote were terrific, we thought. An independent college consultant reviewed both and agreed.
The English teachers wanted them to change their written essays. We told our kids to do whatever the teachers said for English class…but that they should listen to the independent college consultant…who recommended NO changes. FYI, we did send the suggested changes to the consultant who said…IGNORE them.
Both kids actually had comments on their essays written on at least one letter of acceptance…and both got accepted to the schools they liked best.
What is it that you don’t like? What is it that the college consultant thinks is good about this essay?
@WannaBeInMD I couldn’t believe your post! I am in an almost identical situation. My son is a great writer and has had multiple pieces published. He wrote an essay that I think he could have written years ago and the topic is juvenile. He let my daughter, who is also a great writer read it, and she agreed with me…flawed premise and not a great topic. Just for reference, I love everything he writes (partly because I’m his mom; partly because he is good! ) This is the first thing I have criticized, and he doesn’t want to budge because he has a writing instructor he works with who told him it is fantastic and will be memorable to admissions. I am upset because I feel an essay like that, coming from a "writer,"s going to be unimpressive.
Have you voiced your concerns with the counselor? Did you give specific examples of what you are uncomfortable with in the essay ? Has he seen other examples of some of the things that your daughter has written ? I agree with N’s Mom that you need to decide whether or not you trust your counselor, and proceed according once you’ve made your decision .
OP - You made a huge mistake. You may kill your daughter’s admission chance.
During my Caltech visit, the Dean of Admission told the audience: Every year after the submission deadline, some parents called his office to request the school to allow their kids to resubmit the essays. Off course the office did not allow but they took names of the students. He found that nothing was wrong with the essays of these students and some of them were admitted. The parents were wrong, not the students. Obviously, the kids did not let the parents read the essays before the deadlines and only let them read after the deadlines. The dean said those phone calls amused him. His advice: Only ask a best friend to read the essay and simply ask if the friend likes it or not.
My daughter was torn between two essays (both started but not completed on two totally different topics) -I was leaning towards one and she was leaning towards the other - I sent both to a friend who is a GC and she liked the direction of the one my daughter liked so my daughter went with that one - the final essay was unique and I did like it.
The college admissions essay is a unique animal - it doesn’t have to be a literary masterpiece, but it can be. It can also be simply written, but insightful. The most important thing (and AO’s are wise to this in our over-tutored, over-counseled society) is that it must be the student’s voice. Obviously help with grammar or typos, but the kid needs to write it as they see fit.
I say this all as a parent who went through it last year, with a child who was a very good writer throughout school. I didn’t like the way he wrote his essays either, but he adamantly stood by them, his english teacher (who was one of his favorites and probably his best recommendation) said it was among the best she’s seen, so we backed off. He went 7 for 8 in admits and got merit at every school. Not saying it’s all b/c of the essay, but it was somewhat memorable and different, and I’m pretty sure it made him stand out. One school, which was a low reach, even gave him a merit scholarship based on his creativity when he wasn’t anywhere near the normal merit stats for that school (essay was about his creative passion).
Definitely run it by the english teacher but I would back off - you will not be there to read and critique their work in college, you need to start letting go.
AO spends a few minutes on each application, and they are not referencing the student’s other writings, so what you ask from your perspective as a parent who knows your kid’s writing ability may be too “demanding” in this context. College couselor’s point of view is more valid. They know essay like many other things is only a small part of the application, so to stress the kid out for a perfect essay may not be worth the effort, not to mention a “forced” one might lose the originality and authenticity which could have more value in this process. That said, you should feel free to share your concerns with both the counselor and your student, and leave them to decide whether they want to take your opinions into consideration. Bottom line - if you have hired a counselor with good reputation and track record, you should trust they know what they do.