“I am of the thought to attend a ug school with merit and attend grad school at dream school while hubby thinks if can get into a top school ug it opens doors and should do it.”
I am with you on this one. I attended an elite graduate school for my master’s, and there were students there from all over the place. Many had attended their in-state flagships for undergrad. What they had in common was very good grades for undergrad.
If you go too far into debt for undergrad, it closes doors (such as the “be able to afford graduate school” door).
I also agree with @ucbalumnus note #48, which is a point that has come up before. You need to figure out the most that you would consider spending, and definitely spend no more than 1/3 of that on each child.