I am a junior in high school, and I’m a daughter of two VERY proud UNC Chapel Hill grads. It’s where they both met and went to school, and they are pushing me extremely hard to go there as well. Almost every night’s dinner discussion turns into them talking about how badly they want me to be a Tar Heel and how much I’d love the school. They do this so often that I’m really getting turned off to the school. I have visited the campus many times, but I just can’t see myself as a student there. I have a 4.2 cumulative GPA from freshman and sophomore year, and I have a 2110 SAT and 32 composite ACT which I plan on improving as well as extracurriculars and leadership positions, so I want to look at and consider a multitude of schools. Whenever I bring up another school, they either argue that it’s too easy for me and “it’s no Carolina”, or it’s a waste of money (we’re living in North Carolina). I recognize that UNC is a very good school, but I’m not sure how to get my parents more open to exploring other options. Any help on this or suggestions for other schools on the east coast that I could look into would be greatly appreciated.
Why don’t you ask them about what it was like when they were in 11th and 12 grade and were applying to colleges. What did their parents advise them to do? What other schools did they consider. Sometimes you can get adults to remember what it was like when they were kids by asking about what they were like and what factors they considered. And, by doing that, they may get in touch with the feelings they had about wanting to be independent, forge their own way, etc. If you go this route, you should be very interested and inquisitive. Also this should be a discussion that is not related to you going to school-and should not happen when you are in conflict. Get them to open up and talk about what their lives and concerns were like when they were your age. That may help them to consider your desires in a different way.
Agree with the above. And you can let them know that it might be better if you end up at UNC it would be better if you went because you explored the options and felt it was the best choice rather than because you were given no choice.
If you are NC residents keep in mind that there may also be financial reasons behind your parents wanting you to attend UNC.
^^^ That.
Talk with your parents about the cost of college. Help them run the Net Price Calculator at the UNC website. Find out if they can easily pay for UNC, or if it will be a stretch for them. If it would be a stretch, find out what their comfort zone really is. Then you can work with them to develop a list of places that they feel would be worth the amount that they are ready, willing, and able to pay. Help them run the Net Price Calculators at some of those places as well.
Depending on your family’s financial situation, there may be other places that your parents like that would work out to be more affordable than UNC. For example, your grades and test scores would guarantee you significant merit-based aid at many of the places on this list: http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/
Ask if you can visit some different types of nearby colleges. Like a LAC.
I think they are going to stay stuck on this, though. My parents were alums of a prestigious state U and we lived in that state. They never understood why anyone wouldn’t want to go there.
Do you have other relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) who have gone to other schools? Looking back, I wish I’d had sense enough to suggest to my dad that I look at the LACs that my aunt or cousins attended. Might have helped break their thrall to at least visit them.
And… your parents do have a point. For the in-state cost, UNC is a very high quality education. It could be worse, your parents could be zealots about a lower quality school.
Thank you so much for the help! I really don’t feel that it’s a financial issue for our family (my older brother is currently at Davidson College), but I feel like my parents are somewhat upset that their first child didn’t go to UNC, and they really want at least one of their kids to be a Tar Heel. I have relatives that went to other schools like UNCC and East Carolina, but my parents don’t see those as challenging enough schools.
Well… there is a chink in the armor. Your brother withstood the pressure. Can you talk to him about this?
(Just joking here…) You could tell them your interested in a different shade of blue… Blue Devils (Duke)
The difference is that my brother is playing a sport at Davidson, so he got a small portion of money reduced from his tuition. My parents paid more for him because he was getting a good athletic opportunity, but they don’t want to pay more than in-state tuition for me because I won’t be playing a college sport.
A number of years ago, a friend and her husband were delighted to find they were expecting a baby. But my friend’s mother was overbearing and interfering and wanted to decide a lot of things. My friend and her husband told the mother and everyone that they were going to name the baby, “Bruno”. But when the baby was born they named him a normal name. The mother was so relieved she didn’t cause any trouble. Maybe @MerryLee’s strategy is a good one! You might even point out that Duke’s financial aid is really excellent, and that it might be cheaper than UNC!
If your grades stay high and you have a 32+ ACT then you could be eligible for merit scholarships at some schools that would make the cost about the same as NC. You might ask your parents for a sit down conversation, maybe over dinner (parents like that) to discuss a budget for college. If they are paying the bills they ultimately control the decisions. But if you can work within budget by earning merit scholarships at other schools you could expand your universe of options. Also, prepare a list of solid reasons why you want to go somewhere else, give some examples of what you are considering, and give them some examples of students like you who were able to go to those schools on your budget. The latter would be the most difficult but some online searching should turn up some anecdotal support. If nothing else, your parents should be impressed with your approach. If you come off as an ungrateful whiner who just wants to do something different than her parents for an extra $40,000 per year they will be unmoved (I don’t think you are but I am saying that as an example).
On the other hand, sometimes parents know best. You might change a lot in the next two years and come to like UNC which is a good school despite the basketball program.
It sounds like you think your parents can afford full pay at UNC in-state. It is just about $24,000 (without travel, assuming you won’t incur the expense estimated on their website). So then the question becomes, where can you get close to that cost. Those would be logical schools to talk about. Now… I don’t think your parents are wrong that you will take a step down in rankings and prestige to find a similar deal elsewhere.
Are you interested in LACs or women’s colleges? Those are very different from UNC – maybe you could ask your parents if you could visit a couple of them, and (open mindedly and cheerfully) go on the official tour and info session at UNC as well.
Another thing to think about, you can probably study abroad - really from any college, but you could potentially spend part or all of junior year off campus if you go to UNC.
On a serious note. I went to State and my sister went to “Carolina” (cough) many, many years ago. It sounds like your parents have the same attitude as my Dad-- which is, there is only a small handful of schools in North Carolina that would meet their criteria. My Dad was very proud of mine and my sister’s school choice after we graduated. Even though my Dad is also a State grad, initially he was not supportive of me going there. He kept trying to get me to consider applying to Meredith and other schools. Meredith did not have what I wanted to major in and at 17 I did not want to go to a predominately all-girl school.
So If I had to guess the other in-state schools your parents might consider would be NCSU, Duke, & Wake Forest. Though, NCSU might be so-so for them. What do you want to major in? School size? Other factors? That would help us give you some out of state school suggestions.
Oh boy, I feel for you. My dad did the same. Literally the ONLY college that was ever discussed was USC, the alma mater of both parents. Dad said he would pay for it, and my immediate thought was “like, noooo way am I going to college where you went to college. That would be lame! Duh!” And I didn’t. Show your parents this, and tell them it’s the best way to turn off a kid.
Having said that, it’s probably not a bad idea to just look at it, but I suggest before you agree to look at it, have at least a small list of other colleges you also want to see. Just say, I really want to see x, y, z, and then have a look at UNC to compare. How can I know it’s good if I have nothing to compare it to?" Good luck!
Yes, what Lindagaf said. You could mention to your parents that you might go to UNC but you want to make sure by visiting other schools (have list ready).and have something to compare to UNC. It is like getting married. You want to check other people out before committing to THE one.
I would research all the places that you are really considering in north carolina that are not UNC. If you have a top few that you’d want to tour and learn more about then take your parents on a college tour so you can see the differences in the schools. UNC is always a good option academically. Your scores are very high this early on and you’d have no problem getting into UNC but you’d be an average student there. you might want to consider looking at other options for lower schools that would have the option to offer you incredible scholarships that would put you at the top of your class in college! this could be in state or of state and would off set the cost a little bit if needed. I know i had a friend that got a Levine scholarship at UNCC that was was better than any other ‘full ride’ scholarship id ever heard of and not that many people apply so you’d be a pretty good option for that. They gave her money for the summer to travel to different countries so thats a huge perk as well as box seat tickets at panthers games etc. Im sure there are other schools that have similar programs and out of state as well. Yes UNC is a good school but in my opinion being singled out at the top of my class at a large university would be even better. Also think about your potential major because going to UNC would be completely useless if you are trying to be an engineer etc.
Thank you so much for the replies! I will definitely take your words to heart and try to communicate these things to my parents.