<p>After attending summer orientation at the school she will be attending this fall my D feels she made the wrong choice. She did not like anything about the school when she was there. She says she will go in the fall and stay the year but will look to transfer next year. Any advice on helping my daughter realize that she did not make the wrong choice?</p>
<p>Oh, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Leaving for college can be a strange, mixed bag of feelings even if your child is excited about her college choice. I hope others who have experienced a similar situation will offer more realistic suggestions. The best outcome to hope for is that your D will make an effort to connect with those in her dorm and classes, that she will try to make friends by engaging in the fun activities planned out for the freshman. </p>
<p>If a child is determined ahead of time to be miserable, she will be successful no matter how great the school is. I hope you find some ways to mellow her negativity. </p>
<p>Hugs to you!</p>
<p>tell D we all make choices, and sometimes we choose what is best, sometimes we make poor choices, and sometimes they fall in between. Sometimes we can’t decide about the quality of our choice until after-the-fact. The best a person can do is get all info possible to make a rational, well informed choice. To do less than that is cheating oneself.
Perhaps if student gives this school her best effort, she will see better outcomes possible. To give less than her best effort would not only be a poor choice, but might make transfer difficult. Much of her outcome is in her control, and not just the school’s.
More of the most happy, successful Americans didn’t graduate from Harvard than those who did. Harvard is a well-known school as an example, but isn’t the only worthy school. How about this guy as an example:
Robert A. Niblock
Director, Chairman of the Board, President and Chief Executive Officer, Lowe’s Companies, Inc., Niblock holds a bachelor’s degree in accounting from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.
Or this fellow: Mr. Stephen D. Steinour, also known as Steve, has been the Chief Executive Officer and President of Huntington Bancshares Inc., and for its subsidiary, The Huntington National Bank. Mr. Steinour holds a degree in Economics from Gettysburg College.</p>
<p>Was your D excited about her school choice BEFORE she went to orientation? Had she visited the campus before she made her choice? Was it HER decision to attend this school, and was it based on personal preference (fit) or on prestige/ranking or a Financial decision due to merit aid and low cost of attendance?</p>
<p>If she truly loved the school before orientation, are you able to point out those factors that caused her to choose it? Or do you agree with what she discovered at orientation, that she is correct in changing her mind?</p>
<p>Do you believe this school is a good fit for your D ?</p>
<p>If you don’t think she is a good fit for this school, and if you believe she is going to hate every minute of this school year, do you want to consider a Gap Year to have time to reconsider choices for next year? </p>
<p>Any merit aid awards received as a Freshman will be tough to duplicate when she transfers. Is money an issue for your family?</p>
<p>(Please take these questions as sincere interest in understanding your situation, that is my intent.) Again, this is a tough spot to be in, and I’m hoping your family can work through this together.</p>
<p>Did she visit the school before making final decision?</p>
<p>What changed between May 1 and now?</p>
<p>She did visit the school before the orientation and liked it. Not sure what happened at orientation if it was people she met or things she saw? It was her decision and finances did not play a part.</p>
<p>The only good thing she has said is she needs to do well so that she can transfer to where she wants to go.</p>
<p>I think the school is a great fit for her. I am going to try to encourage her to get involved so that she can put things on her transfer application but really with the hope that she will like the school.</p>
<p>Tell her not to judge what the whole college experience will be like by just a couple days of orientation. We all second-guess big decisions. She doesn’t have to start the year with a plan to transfer. (What do you think of the school she plans to transfer to? Why did she not chose that one to begin with?) She should start the school year with an open mind–trying to like it, giving it her best. She may end up loving it after all. Maybe there were a few negative experiences at orientation that colored her view–ask her what turned her off, specifically.</p>
<p>Was she accepted at other schools she now prefers? It may not be too late to change her mind, she could call admissions and ask. Your deposit to school #1 would be lost if she changes her mind. Don’t force her if she has other options that could work out better for her.</p>
<p>When my D was a senior in high school and we toured colleges, quite a few students told us they were unhappy their first semester. Most went as far as filling out transfer paperwork and getting ready to make the leap. By spring break they finally settled in and felt good about their choice and their future.</p>
<p>I will always remember hearing this as it has served as a reminder that we all get uncomfortable and that feeling often makes us doubt our choices. However when it comes to leaving and going to college chances are you’ll feel this way no matter where you choose. Sometimes we are uncomfortable because it’s all so new and settling in takes time.</p>
<p>I would encourage your D to get involved and make it her home. If she still feels like it was not the right choice she can transfer knowing she did all she could. – and you will too.</p>
<p>Best wishes for a great outcome!!</p>
<p>In the alternative, my kid thought she knew what her school rankings were after one day visits to all she applied to before going back for a longer stay for accepted student days. Once she got on campus for a longer time period, and got a better feeling for the students, administration, and environment, she changed her mind. If the OP’s kid went for a day visit before applying and hadn’t seen more of the school after that, she may have legitimate reasons to wish she had made a different choice. I know the OP wants us to help her convince her daughter to stay… but it may be fairly easy to still make a change if it is the right thing for her. Wondering if there are financial reasons the OP wants her daughter to attend this school that make her determined to convince the kid it is the right thing.</p>
<p>there may be financial reasons, intparent, but the OP has told us money did not play a part.
It may be easy to make a change if it’s “the right thing for her”, but the hard pard is knowing exactly what is the right thing.</p>
<p>I feel like orientations can present an inaccurate picture. The pace can be frantic, kids are thrown together to meet without the filters of shared interests and the forced cheerfulness can be grating. Hopefully she can find ways to connect with classmates when she attends. If she absolutely hates everyone on the FB page, etc, has found serious issues with the curriculum, etc, then maybe a gap year is not a horrible idea. I would want her to investigate a bit further and give the place a try but if it is more than just a “feeling” she still has options. </p>
<p>Point is… it is only July 1. A gap year may not be needed. If she has another affordable school she is sure she could afford, why would a parent force a kid to go someplace she doesn’t want to go?</p>
<p>If she’s willing to go the year there is a good chance she’ll be happy with the experience. Make sure she understands that more most colleges (not all but most) transfers happen at the junior level. She will likely have to attend the current school for 2 years. Now, if she thinks it’s really a mistake, taking a gap year and re-applying for next fall, going to community college for 2 years, those might be better options for her.</p>
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<p>That sounds like a great strategy! If her mind was changed so quickly by that one experience at orientation, perhaps it will be changed back just as quickly after she’s had some more positive experiences there. Making some friends will have a big impact on how much she likes it there, so getting involved “to help her transfer” might make all the difference. Good luck to both of you! </p>
<p>My S attends a very tiny college (350 undergrads). He had a terrible time at orientation and “hated” all the other kids. He had a rough 1st semester, but has gradually made a couple friends and did well academically. He realizes that he’s getting the best education (for him) and seems willing to stick it out. I don’t think he’ll ever “love” it, but I think he’s making the best of it. Sometimes a kid just has to hang in there and decide whether the pros outweigh the cons. I don’t think you can decide that after just a week. Good luck!</p>
<p>Both my Ds were a little depressed at times during their first year (I think this is common). But they stuck it out, developed lasting friendships and loved their experiences.</p>
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<p>You know, I grew up with parents like you guys. And it sucked (still sucks 50 years later, as they still pull this kind of behavior). </p>
<p>One thing I do with my kids is I try to treat them like they are human beings whose opinions and feelings matter to me. I don’t steamroll when they have a concern that doesn’t happen to match my plans. Do they still end up doing what I want them to sometimes against their wishes? Yes, they do. Do they always know that their parent heard them out? Listened to their concerns and explored them with them, discussed alternatives, and worked with them to reach a decision? Yes, they do. If the kid were on campus in the fall already, I would say what you are saying. Encourage her to stick it out and try to make it work. Because then it is too late to change for that year, and the alternatives are lousy. But it is only July 1. </p>
<p>Maybe the kid has more than cold feet… maybe the kid is right. Or maybe not. But having an in-depth conversation about the perceived issues and options on the table is important (or it is in my family, and being open to that is one of the ways I have earned and kept my kids’ trust). Don’t just plow over her concerns and shove her out the door. She still may very well end up attending this school. But give her worries a fair hearing and don’t assume there are no other options.</p>
<p>A friends daughter was miserable last fall, determined to transfer and driving my friend crazy. Worked in the spring to transfer and got into the college of her choice. By the end of the spring semester she loved her original choice and decided to stay. </p>
<p>Give it time. </p>