Okay so I’m sure this topic has been overdone, but I am a senior this year and I really don’t want to stay at home for college. However, my parents are insistent I stay back at a local college and commute for basics. My mom believes I am too young and something will happen to me, therefore does not want to let me leave. I am insistent on leaving because I feel like my household can be toxic at times and I know that the education provided at my local university won’t be of the same quality as that at the university I want to go to. I also feel like staying home and commuting even for those two years will be a continuation of high school and I would feel miserable as my parents didn’t exactly let me do anything in high school. It would also be much harder to find a friend group if I end up transferring as a junior since everybody tends to make their friends as freshmen. Does anybody want to give me any advice to consider and tips to ease my parents’ minds?
The first thing you need to consider is how you are going to fund your college education. Are you expecting your parents to pay for it? If so, have they given you a budget to work from in your choice making? The reality is, how much money is available has a lot to do with the choices you have.
It’s actually safer to live in campus since you won’t have to drive on icy roads are night. (Most study groups, review sessions, and clubs take place in the 7-10pm time period or even till 11pm.) Walking to your dorm 5mn away is actually safer.
In addition, research shows kids who live on campus actually have better grades and are more involved on campus (especially in all the leadership activities that are necessary for your resume and to find a job). (You can also promise not to join a social fraternity as indeed there are frequent accidents and your mom may be confusing ‘living on campus’ with frat shenanigans. You can live in a substance free dorm, for instance.)
That being said, it’s quite possible your mother’s reason isn’t that she thinks you can’t handle college on your own or that you’d be safer staying at home. Many students who commute do so for financial reasons. It’s quite possible your mother simply doesn’t have the money. Has she given you a budget? Have you run the Net Price Calculator on each college you’re considering?
What’s your EFC?
What’s college A and college B?
What are your stats?
There may be a “middle ground” college - one you can live on campus but afford.
Are you younger than the typical college freshman? E.g., 17 or 18?
How are your grades/GPA?
Have you applied to other colleges?
Can your parents afford 4 year collegees?
Can you apply to colleges where you would get a scholarship to make it affordable?
So I can see some scenarios:
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You are on the younger side, have showed immaturity, don’t take school super seriously so they want you to start slowly and then gain more independence.
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They can’t afford 4 year college so are using this as an excuse
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They are toxic and are trying to control you.
@NorthernMom61 @MYOS1634 @bopper my parents are completely able to pay for either university it is not a financial matter I promise you that. I showed my mom tuition rates for both schools college A being UTRGV and college B being TAMU and we have not talked about their contribution or budgeting because they want me to stay here and I can’t get past that topic because they get irrationally mad and stop speaking to me. I am a typical college freshman so I am 17/18 right now, I have a 4.5 GPA on a 5.0 scale I believe and am top 10%, I have applied to other colleges, my parents can afford four-year colleges. By the way, just to put this out there I have never given my parents a reason not to trust me, most of my high school career if not all I never gave them problems because I was not allowed to go out and party. I was not even allowed to sleep over at friend’s house. I stayed on top of my grades waiting for the day I finally got to leave so I could experience some freedom.
If your ACT/SAT scores are high, you may see some merit money at some schools which would give you a lot more freedom to do what you want since you wont have to depend on your parents to pay, and you’ll be 18.
I agree with talking through the pros of living on a college campus - higher performance and safety being the two most important.
Do you have another family member or trusted adult who can talk to your parents with you?
@momofsenior1 Yeah I am still waiting to see if I am offered some money if not I am hoping to participate in work study. I’ll keep the safety and higher performance topics in mind, but I honestly feel like they wouldn’t believe me. As for a family member that could help me that would be a negative. I am not really close to any other family member that believes I should leave and those who do believe I should have already spoken to my parents about it when they mention I’m a senior, but my parents seem to just wave it off.
I know that you want what you want. But unless you get close to a full ride it will be very hard for you to afford college on your own. It doesn’t sound fun, and perhaps it is even unfair given how well you have done in high school, but it does sound like they are offering you a college education. I don’t have any great advice to offer. If you can pay your own application fees you could try applying to schools you think you want, maybe once you have some choices they might bend. But if not, you will get a good education if you put yourself into it, no matter where you go.
An issue is that you may not be able to get into the major you want from UTRgv, either attending there or trying to transfer later.
Even if your parents are well meaning I’m guessing they sent to to college and don’t realize what a huge difference there is, or what difficulties theyd create for you don’t the line.
Scholarships are best for freshmen, too, so they’d be wasting a lot of money.
As a top 10% student in Texas you’re in a strong position for TAMU and other universities. (Apply to UT Dallas and Texas Tech, too, ASAP).
When ucbalumnus is not talking about “getting a scholarship” but getting a full ride somewhere so you can go without your parents’ permission if need be. With a full ride in your pocket you have leverage.
For instance with a 26+ on the act you have a full ride to Prairie view A&M.
Some options:
Get a full ride somewhere and go where you want to
Compromise and go to a 4 year college that is geographically near your parents
Talk to them about what the real problem is…then tell them you will call often and share your grades and let them know how you are doing.Or promise you will go to church/temple/mosque if that is an issue.
The problem with the college process in the US is that your parents have to pay if they have the ability…and you are subject to what they want. So think of this like a job…what can you do to get them to pay, but also keep yourself happyish.
I would try to talk about how 4 year college would be better in the long run…like 78% of students graduate from 4YrCollege, but only 45% from LocalCC. You would be surrounded by people who are not still in the HS mind set, but those who are working toward a career.
Maybe ask them what would make them comfortable if you went to 4 year college.
Other points to make:
UTRGV has a 4-year graduation rate below 20% and the starting salary is $31,000, v. Texas Tech 49% (more than double the odds of UTRGV) and starting salaries average at 55K, 70K if engineering or UT Dallas 53% 4-year graduation rate and similar starting salaries. TAMU is even better.
In other words, a higher percentage graduate from TX Tech, TAMU, or UT Dallas in 4 years, than from UTRGV in 6 years; and it’ll take you twice more time on a typical UTRGV salary to buy a car or a house, not to mention, pay back any loan or have any savings.
Long term, attending these universities makes more sense.
Sentence full of typos: "even if your parents are wel-meaning, I’m guessing they didn’t go to college and don’t realize what a huge difference there is between UTRGV and TAMU (or UTD or TxState) , or what diffiulties they’d create for you down the line if you wish to transfer after 2 years.
A lot of the degrees at UTRGV are vocational - apparently the #1 program there is criminal justice, ie., what you take to work in law enforcement (department of correction, police, sheriff, BP…) It didn’t sound like what you wanted to do?
I agree with Bopper: ask them what would make them more comfortable if you go to one of the good Texas colleges your class rank entitles you to. (I mean, the whole point of the reform was to recruit kids from all over Texas to attend its top public schools).
Finally, apply to Prairie View A&M, apply to all possible colleges with full rides for your stats.