<p>My son wrote two essays (Why-I-Want-To-Major-In-Blank and Why-This-College) that were extremely straightforward and yet gave some insight on himself. He gave them to me to critique and I told him not to change a thing (except for one or two grammatical errors).</p>
<p>On the other hand, he wrote an essay for a scholarship competition that was more like the form you wrote about. It won him a $1000.00 scholarship.</p>
<p>So I think it depends on the audience and the competition. I actually thought his "straightforward" essays were refreshing, especially after reading so many "overwritten" ones.</p>