College Essay Revision

Colleges and Universities A-Z Fashion Institute of Technology
1

<p>I have too many words, I'm about 50 words over the limit of 750. If I could get some feedback I would be so grateful :)</p>

<p>I would be a perfect candidate for FIT as I am an individual who strives for success and craves knowledge. I work hard for all of my passions in life and take initiative in my work, always going above and beyond. I have passed all my classes, despite my initial struggles with learning. At the age of thirteen, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Over the course of a couple years, I overcame my difficulties and maintained honor roll throughout high school. My ADHD is what brings out my high sense of observation and broad range of creativity. It allows me to focus on the littlest details in life, rather than overlooking them for the whole picture. </p>

<p>FIT is a college that is perfect for me. I love fashion and all that is high-end, but my favorite part of the fashion world is makeup. Makeup is something that I know deep down in my heart, I love and speak with such vehemence that people can feel my utter excitement for it. My passion for makeup was discovered the day I put on sparkly green eyeshadow before I walked out the door for middle school, and it set my heart aflame with happiness. I invest almost all of my free time into learning about products and techniques for application in order to improve my skills. One day, it occurred to me that there was an occupation out there in the real world that involved makeup; professional makeup artistry. I was intrigued by what it meant to be a makeup artist. To be able to transform a client’s face using powders, creams and liquids is a true art in itself and what excites me every day of my life. I’ve always been an artist since preschool, and I have dabbled in all the aspects of art and design. My creativity branched out into visual arts, literature, and musical composition. </p>

<p>I selected Photography as my major because I will use my knowledge of photography to further my experience for a future career in the fashion world; mainly high fashion magazines. From there, I want to continue my education at FIT and enroll in the Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing BFA. I decided that I wanted to learn photography in order to do photo shoots for models. I want to showcase my talent and artwork on the human body and be in charge of every step of the process. Being the makeup artist, hair stylist, art director and photographer would allow me to control every part of the photo shoot. I believe that by having a full understanding of all parts of the process, I will be able to excel in anything I pursue. My desire to do more than one job reflects directly from my multiple talents and the variety of extra-curricular activities in which I have taken part. </p>

<p>Outside of school I am a well-rounded individual. Athletics were a big part of my life. I took ju-jitsu classes for four years and taught large groups of children, which helped to build leadership skills and a calm mind. Since sophomore year, I have participated in Varsity Track & Field and I plan to take part in it again next spring. I have been in high school Jazz band and the Haldane Blues Devils band club for two years, playing electric rhythm guitar. I play acoustic guitar in a folk band with my father and friends called Carla's Kitchen, named after both my mother and the kitchen area in which we rehearse. We had the honor of playing on a live radio show at Vassar College and we performed at the Chance Theatre in Poughkeepsie for a Cancer Benefit Concert. I've even written two original songs and have sung while playing guitar at open mics in my town's local bar. Two internships I have had the pleasure of acquiring were working for a guitar teacher and, to this day, being an assistant makeup artist to a professional in the industry. Both internships gave me hands on experience in both fields. </p>

<p>In the world of visual art, I have worked very hard and sacrificed a lot of my time in the name of education. I have shown in multiple art shows, and I have had a piece that was granted an Honorable Mention in Park Art Fair in Triberg, Germany. I have even enrolled myself in two precollege courses at FIT. Last July, I took Graphic Design & Advertisement Portfolio for Summer Live 2014. My instructor, Mr. Isaac Paris, really helped me to understand the world of graphic design and I am currently enrolled in Magazine Layout with Ms. Alexa Nosal. </p>

<p>FIT would be perfect for me. I am very familiar with the campus, and I feel very comfortable when walking from room to room. FIT feels like a second home to me. I know I would excel in the Photography AAS program and at FIT. </p>

2

<p>@jennfrusciante So I’m not too sure about this, but I think the Cosmetics and Fragrence Marketing Bachelor’s program is reserved for those who earned an associates in FMM or AMC. Maybe there are classes you can take within the photography Associate’s curriculum that can qualify you for that major, but I’m not sure. I would just say to do more research behind that.</p>

3

<p>@astuteoptimist1 I understand it could be a problem for me to go from Photography AAS to Cosmetics & Fragrance Marketing but it is something I really want to do and I will do whatever it takes to get into that class, even if I have to enroll in a prerequisite class before applying to a BFA. Is my essay any good? I’m more worried about the content of the essay rather than what I will be doing in the future. Thank you for the feedback though! Much appreciated :)</p>

4

<p>@jennfrusciante I think it’s good that you mentioned how you’ve taken classes at FIT before – maybe go a little more in detail about how the FIT education you received then benefited you. I know you said you were over the word limit, but try cutting out some other stuff out if you can… I think further explanation about that experience would be really really helpful for your essay. </p>

<p>I think it’s good that you mentioned your extracurriculars, but maybe you could explain your experience as an assistant makeup artist a little more, since you’re interested in eventually entering the Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing program. I would talk less about the other extrcurriculars, just because they don’t necessarily apply directly to what you’re interested in studying.</p>

<p>Overall, I think your essay makes it clear that you’re eager to attend FIT, which is great. I would just to focus more on expanding on the experiences and skills you have that would be directly applicable to photography and/or cosmetics. That way, you can show admissions that you’d be able to adapt well into your fields of study.</p>

<p>If you’re applying to photography, I wouldn’t stress to much over your essay though! Just really focus on your portfolio, because from what I hear, that’s the most important part of the application. I hope this helps :)</p>

5

<p>You can take photography your first two years and then transfer into CFM, but it may take some time to do so. There are certain courses you have to take in order to be considered for CFM. They are business courses, which would fall under the associate’s degree for both FMM and AMC. You wrote a great essay, however, my only critique is that I don’t believe CFM is strictly on makeup artistry. Don’t take my word for it, but I believe it is more for fragrance and cosmetic creations that you sell to vendors. I would call the CFM department and let them know of your plan- they maybe able to steer you into a proper academic plan as to what courses you can take when. </p>