college essay

Applying to College
1

<p>I am applying to lehigh and their prompt is why do you want to come to our school.
I would really appreciate your generous criticism. thanks :)</p>

<p>"California is not the whole representation of the United States," I have constantly reminded myself. Having stayed in Los Angeles for all the years after my family moved to America, I was growing anxious to explore something new and "American": less urban setting, different people, and east of the United States. However, I did not have the luxury to do this because of financial difficulties. Facing the biggest transition of my life, I find this moment a great opportunity to quench my curiosity.
Having gone to small private schools for numerous years, I learned many advantages of a small liberal arts college: its flexibility, sense of community, and collaboration between the faculty and students. Yet significantly different from most of liberal arts colleges, Lehigh offers engineering, which is what I am eagerly planning on exploring. For a future engineer who strives to make a sustainable world, rather than simply gaining a fortune, Engineers Without Borders program magically grabbed my attention. Its intention of providing basic necessities such as clean water and renewable energy for everyone around the globe was identical to my ultimate goal of making Earth a better place. Moreover, Lehigh university's effort to provide experiences for its students gave me the impression of how much this institution cares for its students even after the graduation. Considering every facet of this school, Lehigh is undoubtedly a perfect match for me and I simply can not wait to cheer for mountain hawks during the game against its arch-rival, Lafayette College.</p>

2

<p>Just some small things I wanted to point out:
Both parts of Lehigh University should be uppercase letters, not just Lehigh. Also, it’s east in the United States, not east of the US. Or you can say in the east of the United States.</p>

3

<p>ahh!! thank you. That would have been embarrassing if I turned this in. But what do you think about my essay in content-wise??</p>

4

<p>The content is solid. One more grammatical note though: in the final sentence “mountain hawks” should really be “the Mountain Hawks” and by using the mascot name like this it should really be “their arch-rival” instead of “its”.</p>

<p>But content wise it’s pretty good - nice job presenting the different reasons you want to attend Lehigh.</p>

5

<p>Yep. Content wise, for the word limit given, it’s well done.</p>

6

<p>I think the content is good, however, there are some grammatical errors and the wording is not quite flowing well (ie: first few sentences are awkward) Definatley get someone for whom English is his/her primary language to help edit your essay. Best of luck!</p>