@twoinanddone I didn’t see where itsanadventure mentioned her D has never been exposed to a Greek life - perhaps she knows people who have been in frats/sororities and isn’t interested. I had absolutely no interest in Greek life and chose a school that didn’t have it. And after what my D just experienced while rushing at her university, it only made me more certain I had no desire to ever join a sorority. It’s simply not for everyone.
And to answer your question about forming the same group of friends with dorm roommates—I absolutely did. I had a great group of friends throughout my years of college and the few years afterward while we all lived in the same city. I moved away and lost touch with most of them as I was busy working and raising my four kids, but I always knew I could easily find them as my university has an alumni directory. However, it was unnecessary with the invention of FB. I very quickly found all of the ones I’d lost touch with. A few years ago, we had a girls’ weekend - first time I’d seen most of them in over 20 years.
Greek life isn’t for everyone, but most people know little about it before going to college except watching Animal House and Lifetime sorority slasher movies, and yet say ‘That’s not for me’ without having any idea what is really about. For some people who have trouble making a lot of friends in their dorms, it is a nice option with structure. There are set activities where everyone will be there. And they aren’t all the same. Greek life at Alabama is much different than at a school with 4 houses with 60 members each. Both the OP and @itsanadventure both said their kids have trouble making friends. This is a way to do it.
Most people I know who keep in touch with their college dorm friends have a group of about 10 at the most. We were looking to get in touch with a group of over 50 as we’d all signed the charter 40 years ago. I don’t think our university gives out names and addresses by dorms from 40 years ago, if it even keeps them. My father still has a party with his fraternity brothers every summer and they are men in their 80’s, who graduated over 60 years ago.
@twoinanddone thanks for the parenting advice. Both my husband and I were greek. Neither of us had the experience that you had with it. Mine specifically focused around parties, meetings, and not showing up in the wrong clothes. While it wasn’t animal house, it wasn’t a group of mother teresa’s that I have stayed close into adulthood. Not even close. Far closer to animal house.
Also, I never said my kid has trouble making friends. My kid doesn’t have any trouble in that regard. What I said was that she has a learning disability and being able to control her classes (ie, taking technical writing for English rather than needing to read epic poetry) gives her better control and will make things easier for her.
In your defense I think greek life varies tremendously from school to school, but without knowing which school it is impossible to say what the situation will be. Kids drink to death nearly every year in fraternities and that is the truth of them at many schools. My husband knows where one frat brother is (well, 2 because one is in prison over drug use). I know where 2 of my sisters are. We grew up and moved on from those days which shows that we were never really close to thise folks. I am glad that your experience was different but I think that Greek experiences vary wildly!
While the OP didn’t mention Greek life at all and was specifically focused on LAC’s in the original question I would add this to the topic.
Some LAC"s will have their own fraternity/sorority system not affiliated with National Panhellenic. Ursinus for example does. It is also not a dry campus, was incredibly open an honest about why and how their Greek system works. It, like UPS (which are NPH council houses) really viewed their Greek systems as grade boosters and network creators. My S had no interest in going greek but felt he’d be fine at Ursinus without, amazingly friendly campus.
Greek experiences vary widely from school to school, from house to house. My H and I were both Greek, at different schools. His was much more of the party atmosphere and is not in touch with anyone. Mine certainly had some party aspects to it but some serious academics and support to it. I see 15 of my sisters every other week for dinner club. We go on annual trips together. It’s an amazing group of diverse, and very successful women. For me it made a large school small and these sisters have sustained me through some dark times.
For the OP’s situation, Greek in the right context might not be a bad thing at all but I suspect is not on the radar. None of our kids have gone Greek and that’s ok too.
YMMV.
@Leao114 from what little I know for the schools mentioned Muhlenberg, Ursinus and St. Lawrence would seem solid options for the major areas of interest and the overall student vibe. Goucher is not strong in science but will certainly be friendly. I have heard nice things about Dickenson but no real experience. I’d be concerned that Ithaca is a bit too big compared to the others and don’t have enough data on Clark.
He is bothered by the fact that he has no friends. He would like to make friends but has a lot of difficulty. He has an IEP and gets double time for his testing and use of computer for essays, etc. He has a therapist, executive functioning/speech person who helps him to try to create better speech patterns with more fluidity, voice tone, and projection, etc. He has no behavioral issues, is not a management problem but is shy. He recently took a mock ACT and his last one before the April test, his score was a 32.
I want for your son to have friends! I do think that in college in general, students mature and become more accepting. With respect to executive functioning, while my son was never diagnosed, he often did forget homework in the lunch room, etc. He takes a lot of math and science courses so has to draw graphs and derive equations (not all text entry) and what has helped him tremendously is a tablet computer with a stylus (MS Surface) where he keeps all his class notes in the cloud. We did not buy it for college with the intention of solving an issue, but he says it has helped him tremendously to be organized and a better student.
@Leao114 Do you think he would be happier somewhere close to home? I believe the numbers say most students are within 3-4 hours of home. I’m not sure what state you are in, but it is something to consider. Many start out thinking they want to go far and as time gets closer, they think differently. Best wishes and congrats on the mock ACT score!
@twoinanddone A real sticking point for many kids with regard to the greek system is the idea of needing to be “chosen.” Personally, I have nightmares about waiting and hoping not to be picked last in gym. The idea of opening oneself up to various groups (which look a lot like cliques) and hoping that one of them picks you, can frankly be daunting for many.
If you don’t want to subject yourself to that kind of scrutiny and possible rejection, you are left being independent in a school full of insular groups. I had a very close group of friends in college, both from my dorm and through participation in theater. No one had to vote on whether or not we could all be friends.
I can see how being part of a sorority or fraternity could be a hugely positive experience, but something about the exclusivity of it bothers me.
Mercersberg and Allegheny, both in a state that seems to be a target, offer good support. You’d have to see if they fit your needs, but you should check them out.
We are in Westchester NY and are looking at schools that are within 2 to 5 hour car ride. So far have looked at Goucher, McDaniel, Muhlenberg, Dickenson, and Ithaca. My preference was Goucher (I’m an alum) and Muhlenberg. He liked McDaniel and Muhlenberg.
@Leao114 we know an ADD kid at Muhlenberg who I believe is doing well. I am not sure he is using support services but I could find out if you like. I’ve heard nice things about McDaniel. My gut instinct is that Ithaca will be less supportive than the others on your list.
@Leao114 We are in CA, so don’t have any specifics to the schools you mentioned. I did some research on this subject a couple years ago and found that many schools have clubs - student run, faculty sponsored, etc., for on spectrum, learning challenged, etc., students. One school out here in the SF Bay Area has an ASD club that has hundreds of members! Yes, HUNDREDS (we are talking a school of over 20K students.)
Participation is “as you want” or as you need, and from what I have heard, this is an amazing opportunity for ASD or other EFD students to simply relate, talk, bond.
So, moral of the story is dig a bit deeper. Look into the clubs, not just the formal services provided by the university.
Check out the FLY program at Bowling Green State University. It’s a fee based program but they offer extensive supports for students with ADHD and learning disabilities.