College Mistakes - Redoing my application process?

College Search & Selection
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Thanks MYOS! I am not 100% sure about Grinnell yet, but it sparked my interests. I’m on the same boat, I’m not quite sure if this offer is legit. But if it is, I will absolutely cram out on the college to truly discover what it is like (unlike Syracuse, for which i literally did 0 research). If I come to the conclusion I really like the college and would enjoy attending in the fall above any other options next fall or Syracuse/Lawrence… Then I guess I’ll apply, on the condition that I still get aid. If all else fails, I’ll ask about Spring admissions and see where they stand. But their offices are closed, I’ll have to try at a later time. It seems likely they’d have aid with that HUGE endowment, they only post using a fraction of it for students!

Any other suggestions anybody might want to throw out?

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Further note, does anybody here have experience as a transfer or spring admission student? How’d that go? I’d love your input.

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OP, you applied to Syracuse ED. The only way you can get out of an ED commitment is because of monetary reasons. If Lawrence offers you the same deal and costs the same amount as Syracuse, then you have no monetary reason to decline Syracuse. I recognize that ED agreements may not be legally binding if you’re a minor, but you seem fairly cavalier about violating your word and potentially putting your guidance counselor/school in a position of knowledge of such violation.

Did you tell Grinnell or Lawrence about your ED acceptance to Syracuse? If not, ask yourself how these schools might respond to such knowledge - do you think they would offer you aid under such circumstances?

While others might disagree, I think that applying to another school this year means you either have to speak to Syracuse about getting out of your commitment or tell the school in question what has happened. I suppose the final possibility is to apply and hope you get full aid, so you can legitimately claim that Syracuse is too expensive.

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You might check out Texas State since it is near by and on the nacac list and would give you free tuition if they have money left, although not an lac.

I do think visiting whatever school you select is important to avoid repeating the same mistake. If you decide to go to Syracuse at least you know what you are in for. Selecting Lawrence or Grinnell without visiting is risky.

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Oh for heaven’s sake! OP made a mistake! I raised my kids knowing that 1) a stupid, impulsive decision by a 17-year-old whose frontal lobe won’t be fully developed for another ten years shouldn’t determine the next four years of his life (though I do hope I would be able to foreclose such a decision beforehand); and 2) the ED system exists to benefit the colleges, or they wouldn’t have it in place at all, and my kids’ future is a hell of lot more important to me and to them than some school’s admissions game. I’m sure Syracuse will give OP’s decision not to attend no more than 10 seconds of attention. I’m also certain that at Syracuse and everywhere else there are a few ED admits every year who opt out, at least some of them on the basis of a spurious financial aid excuse. They just don’t choose to bare their souls on CC and get reamed out for their decisions. And somehow the schools manage to carry on and the ED system survives. As for that theoretical “other kid” whose spot OP took, if he was truly ED-admissible, he would surely have been deferred and admitted in the RD round. No harm, no foul.

Now if anyone needs help dismounting from a high horse, I’m available.

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I think it is jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire to apply to Grinnell on a whim without having visited there. It is really rural… certainly there are posters here whose kids love it, but my kids were not among them when they visited. Really…, you did a poor job on your search, are breaking your ED agreement, and now are on an “anyplace but Syracuse” crusade because you think it is beneath you. Stop messing around. Just take the great deal that Syracuse has offered you and make the most of it.

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Look guys, this is really emotionally tough for me. I understand your support, but please be considerate of my circumstance. I’m really trying to not be impulsive, frankly the opposite. I’m practicing being very critical of my past mistakes and trying to find ways to mend these mistakes. I’m experiencing a lot of trauma regarding these college choices in my personal life and it’s extremely precarious. I came out with my situation so I could find solutions and I really want to make this a learning experience and get the best out of my circumstance. What I’m NOT looking to do is run into a feedback loop of pessimism where I’m told to just tough out my mistakes when I could absolutely fix them. If it weren’t for positive comments here that supported my attempt to change my life I would have run into an emotional dead end where college was essentially just a bear trap instead of a liberating experience.

I’ve made some decisions. I will, very likely, not attend Syracuse. This is because I will be applying to Lawrence who, over the phone, told me that they would be generous with aid and to wait to cancel on Syracuse until I received full detail of their aid package just in case. I’ve researched Lawrence, feels much better as a “safe” school than Syracuse.

Furthermore, I made it clear with Lawrence that I’m up in arms about my whole college circumstance and nothing is certain. I made it clear that I might take a gap year.

I could very well take a gap year or semester to apply elsewhere. I would say I’m 50/50 right now between gap year and Lawrence, but every day I become more confident with myself and I urge myself more and more to take the gap year to grow as a person, get internship opportunities, work, and be able to essentially rewrite a dire mistake.

Now for my responses…

@nw2this Texas state is another huge party school, and transfers make aid hard to obtain. I don’t think I’m interested. Also, I’d like to move away for school.

@MommaJ I know this is a little TMI but this nearly brought me to tears. I feel extremely trapped for my ignorant choices and I understand how ignorant I was (and still am) about the college process. I came to the application game unprepared, made silly mistakes in my application process, and was at first just going to accept that my college life was going to be miserable.

It took a gut-wrenching and life altering change of heart to come clean to myself that I did not want Syracuse. It devastated my family and also my self esteem. I felt horrible for making such a bad decision that didn’t reflect my interests whatsoever and I felt like I betrayed my potential.

But the whole process opened up a new part of me. I feel so much more passionate about college than I ever was. I care more and more about the learning environment and I am absolutely addicted to hearing the anecdotes of collegiate experience from everyone I know (and even those I don’t from this site).

I appreciate your analysis on ED as well, I think you’re right about them not caring too much, I just don’t see why they would.

@midatlmom, I’m just going to shoot straight with Syracuse and also explain my finances. Honestly, I don’t think it’s going to be that big of a disappointment. I was costing them a lot of grant money anyways. The could find another loaded kid to take my spot. I made a mistake, I’m aware of it, I don’t want my life to be contingent of some box I checked without understanding the future consequences.

@intparent I’m being as reflexive as possible during this whole process. Every single time I think I like a college I check back with myself 2,3,4 times and then also remind myself I’ve never seen the college. I understand my liking of Grinnell has impulsion within it and I’m taking precaution around choosing to apply there.

To suggest that I should stay at Syracuse because I got a “Great deal” (even though I could wait a year and get a better deal at a better college) and because I did a “poor job” just simply bites right back into what I am trying to change about the whole situation. Sure, your analysis stands true if my ED is truly binding and will lock me into the university. However, why would I not give leaving Syracuse and applying elsewhere a shot if I’m truly unhappy. It seems much more desirable than your alternative world of, “I can’t do anything about my mistakes and I’m now stuck.”

Again, thanks for the input everyone, I respect all your analysis and input. If you have anything more to say about what I’m considering, let me know. Thank you for all your help, everyone. Even those I disagree with for making this a crucible for thought instead of a lopsided agreement with me.

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Being unhappy is not one of the reasons you are allowed to skive out on your ED agreement. Have you told Lawrence and Grinnell that you have an ED acceptance that you said yes to at Syracuse? They may drop you like a hot potato if they find out. It seems deceitful not to tell them, too.

I am not sure why you think you would get “a better deal at a better college” if you take a gap year. I have seen your other thread, and with a 3.4 GPA, you are going to struggle to get into many of the need blind/meets need schools. The ones you are a candidate for aren’t noticeably stronger than Syracuse. Nothing you can do in a gap year will raise your GPA, which is your weak point.

i am not trying to be mean – but in this situation, my kid would be heading off to Syracuse to make the best of it. Because I don’t think you made a ‘mistake’ with applying to Syracuse, nor do I think you will be miserable there unless you convince yourself that you will be.

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@intparent - OP did say that he discussed the ED situation with Lawrence and that they showed interest in considering him and said that they would be generous with aid. They advised him to wait to cancel with Syracuse until they made him an offer, so they know of his ED commitment. Both Lawrence and Grinnell may be long shots, but they’re probably worth giving it a try.

While OP did come off as being a bit impulsive in the his original post (he is, after all, still a teenager), I think that he has shown thoughtfulness and remorse. Some of the posters (@pickpocket especially) have been giving him a rough time – OP didn’t set out to intentionally deceive Syracuse; he submitted his application in good faith (albeit perhaps lacking maturity with respect to his reasons for doing so). While Syracuse was generous with grant money, OP has some significant FA gapping and some loans and work/study in his FA package if he were to want to make Syracuse work (which apparently he does not).

I’m not a big fan of ED to begin with, nor do I think that it’s fair when students blow schools off without good reason. But, in this case, OP has some legitimate reasons to withdraw, including financial, which is in the spirit of the ED agreement, and he should be free to seek other options.

As I see it, he can (1) try for someplace like Lawrence or Grinnell that will hopefully accept him and give him aid, or (2) go the community college route and reapply as a transfer, or (3) continue to scour the NACAC list (he might want to cross reference it with some schools that are in the Colleges that Change Lives (CTCL) list; some of those might have decent FA and/or merit aid, or (4) explore in-state options (I believe OP said he was from Texas; there are a few UT schools on the NACAC list.), or (5) take a gap year. If he goes the gap year or the community college route, he should release himself from the ED commitment so they can potentially pick someone up from the waitlist.

In any event, I wish him good luck and better decision-making moving forward.

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OP shouldn’t attend community college: with his stats, he’d lose out on a lot of scholarships that are for freshmen only.
If OP hasn’t investigated college’s between January and now, then taking a gap year sounds like the best solution.
However it shouldn’t be for ‘a better deal at a better college’, unless of means ‘a better fit’.
OP 's stats make him unlikely to get into the 100% need college’s, except those that come close to meeting need such as Muhlenberg or Lawrence, plus a few such as St Olaf.

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You said you applied ED. So you have a problem, because ED is binding unless the finances don’t come through.
I think you need to sit down and talk with your school counselor, because the ED situation is your biggest issue.

Some people suggested Haverford, Wesleyan and Bates. One, no merit, but also I don’t think, frankly, your grades are quite high enough.

I actually think a gap year is a very good idea in your case. You can retake your tests, maybe try the ACT and get a higher score. You can use the year to do something interesting, maybe get more involved in local politics, very good opportunities in an election year.

Or, stick it out for a year at Syracuse and transfer, which might be the best way to get out of your ED situation.

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Truly not trying to harass you, OP, but I’m curious what made you choose ED in the first place. (And apologies if you said already and I missed it.)

At our school, the advice is not to ED unless you are a) 100% sold on the place and b) can afford not to have some wiggle room with your financial aid packages. It doesn’t sound as if either of those were true in your case. Just bad advice? Or were you 100% sure in the moment? Again, not trying to be a pain, just trying to untangle the source of the issue. I know some kids use ED (for better or for worse) to get an edge at a super competitive school, but it doesn’t seem as if that was the case here, either.

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OP was so into a girlfriend that was at a school close to Syracuse that lead him to Syracuse. He was like Odeseus and the Sirens. I still think he should give Syracuse a try and then start applying for other schools as a transfer in October if he can’t stand it. As far as money he may just have to bite the bullet for spring and take out a loan. He could do a FAFSA for the next school year starting in fall and be fine.

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As far as the ED just tell Syracuse that you cannot afford the out of pocket expense and the hidden cost of travel from Texas to Syracuse for four years. Just say you thought you could make the package work but you needed more money. Did you ever appeal for more money? I would also tell them the truth about the girlfriend and your horrible recent visit when she was not around and you were a social outcast. They will take pity on you and give you a release with no bad feelings. The final four in basketball plus all the famous people that went and the all around true college experience will allow them to have you replaced in five minutes. I still think you would like this university but that is just my opinion.

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It is the OP being convinced that Syracuse is beneath him that is one of the things that bugs me. He has talked himself out of a perfectly good option. And as far as loans and work study – he isn’t going to get in anyplace that won’t require those.

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Thanks for the responses.

@intparent So you think it’s that tough to get into the need blind and meeting 100% need schools? I’ve bad countless people suggest I at least apply because my SAT is slightly over avg at a few and GPA lower, putting me just slightly below the median but overall a potential candidate if I apply to enough. I also respect your argument about Syracuse and it’s the most compelling one I’ve heard yet. I know I can find the college atmosphere I’d enjoy at potentially any college. However, there’s just a lot of elemtns of Syracuse that were huge turnoffs and I’m fearful of entering a college environment I won’t enjoy. It speaks volumes that nobody is supporting Syracuse because of the school environment itself being good but rather simply because I should “give it a shot.”

@LoveTheBard thanks for the positivity. I want to try 1, I think 2 is a little selling me short, I have definitely done 3, don’t want 4 for personal reasons (big schools typically either extremely boring or with a frat life and I’m looking to move away for school), and I’m considering 5.

@MYOS Am I truly unlikely? Yes- I’m extremely concerned with better fit as well. Also, I think it’s just a little funny that you say that I’m “unlikely” to get into those colleges when Lawrence University, the next step below most those colleges in terms of selectivity and scores, essentially told me over the phone I’m in. Should I really not try for those at all?

@Lindagaf my school counselor is really not involved with the college process whatsoever. Furthermore, no merit doesn’t matter if they meet full need because merit simply subtracts from the grant money and places it under a different name.

Will reply to more next post.

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@porcupine I didn’t know anything about college selection and was appeasing the girl. Nobody knew any better and pushed back either. Sorry it was a terrible mistake.
@hardliner we appealed for more and didn’t get much more. I agree they won’t be losing much with me.
@intparent I’m not putting Syracuse down, it’s just not the environment I want.

Appreciate everyone’s input. Thank you so much for commenting!

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Fit is very important at small LACs. Some schools are already done for the year and others like Grinnell will be done in 2 weeks. After what happened with Syracuse, I think committing to another school without visiting during the academic year would be a huge mistake. At a large school like Syracuse you can always find “your people” this is not the case at small schools. While my very liberal son fell in love with Grinnell, his visit to Oberlin convinced him not to apply. He didn’t want a preppy school or one with a Greek presence, but visits to Hamilton, Dickinson and Beloit (Greek not at all preppy) convinced him he could fit into those campuses. A visit to Kenyon (one of the most beautiful schools anywhere) showed him he wouldn’t be comfortable with their isolated environment yet he is fine with the miles and miles of farm land around Grinnell.

I think your choices are take a gap year and find a way to visit schools while working on improving your test scores and activities (volunteering for a campaign etc.) or get out to see Lawrence ASAP to see if it is a fit or find your people at Syracuse. Have faith that you can make any of these choices work with a positive attitude.

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It seems to me that it is you being overly pessimistic if you are convinced, based on one trip, that you will be completely miserable at Syracuse. The school is large enough that you should be able to find like-minded people if you try. I went to a school that is really big on sports. I went to one football game during the eight years I was there and hated it. But I didn’t hate my college. I am sure there are things you could be excited about doing at Syracuse if you could look into it with an open mind. I’m also sure that there are other students who want to do well academically. It’s okay to be nervous about it, but it can’t be all doom and gloom like you are envisioning.

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I agree with those posters suggesting you can “find your people” at a large university like Syracuse. If Greek life isn’t your thing, there will be 11,000 students that share your opinion. You might think that sports dominate a college like Syracuse, but there will be plenty of students not that into sports… just like you.

Bottom line, I think you’re going impulsively from rock to rock thinking the golden ticket must be under the next one. It seems you’re not sure what you want and appear to have a hard time making decisions. I’m not convinced you will be any happier at a LAC than a university like Syracuse.