This.
This is the aspect that made your son stand out. The parents who are trying to manufacture this for their children are trying to create something that tippy top colleges actively seek. Most will not be successful.
7 Likes
Exactly. Most people never find something they love enough to pour themselves into it, let alone someone of pre-college age.
1 Like
Middle school was a time when my daughter made important decisions about her ECs. As a seventh grader she dropped down a competitive notch in her sport and started a different, leadership EC. That has grown to be her chief EC as a high school senior and directly related to her planned major â so it does happen. This wasnât done with college admissions in mind, but there was thought given into how she wanted to best spend her free time.
OP, I think your childâs interests should guide his free time activities, but you can help facilitate. Doing an activity for the sake of college admissions wonât likely have a good outcome.
Please donât start down this road already.
I think the phrasing here is what people are commenting on. Perhaps âcollege prepâ would be better served by âgifted/talented pursuits.â Or something like that.
@parentologist is stating a generally true fact: musicians and high-level athletes often start their pursuit before high school. Many years before, in fact. Some were âforcedâ in by parents initially (not all kids want to play piano as five year-olds), some expressed an interest that parents took them up on. Whether the parents or the kid initiated the pursuit, one thing remains true - the kids that didnât quit often get to a high level of skill. Some due to innate talent, others due to disciplined practice.
My kid is in a sport and started in early grade school - focused training more than inherent ability has paved the way to a higher skill set. Canât say where things will lead (the past year and-a-half has been hard for athletic training - itâs just great to be back on track; kid is grateful).
If you focus more on your kidâs ability to develop personal excellence (in personality, in academics, in pursuits that they enjoy) then the great college experience stands to follow - because theyâll know how to thrive wherever they land.
3 Likes
I havenât read the other comments but heâs in 8th grade. Nothing he has done matters.
So - academics are most important. Some kids take classes they shouldnât because they arenât ready. Yes, you want/need rigor for the top schools but at the same time, not everyone is meant for those schools. So challenge him - but make sure heâs up for the challenge.
Secondly, he will need to do extra curriculars. Not everyone is a leader by the way, and you can lead without being in a leadership role.
The thing to do, is find what heâs passionate about. And that may change - one year it might be nature, the next year robotics. Getting involved in what excites him, not what looks good on paper, is what matters - and that he participates and makes an impact. It could be a board game club or a sport or a service club or a cooking club or as my son did, started an aviation club. Let your kid be a kid. He should enjoy life, not prep it shooting for Harvard. If thatâs meant to be, then it will happen - but he needs to be himself.
He can have one or two activities. If he tries and doesnât like, he can change.
Heâs 13 years oldâŠdonât put stress/pressure on him. Itâs not necessary.
Heâs a kid. They struggle but they find their way.
btw - he has an aptitude and desire for CS today - but heâs 13. At 15, at 17 - who knows. My kid started in astronomy, then aviation, then meteorology, and now heâs in college as a mechanical engineer. This was just in his junior/senior year.
If your son is a decent student with a great head on his shoulders, thereâs a great CS school out there for him. 99.9% of people arenât going to MIT - and heâll be fine.
If youâre thinking like this now, youâre going to waaaaay overstress him. While itâs ok to chart a path and share that it would be good to find an activity or two that he likes, truly pushing this at this point or even having a substantive discussion is, in my opinion, three years early.
2 Likes
OP here. Yesterday was my first login & first post on the forum. In retrospect, I should have done some browsing & reading before posting the question.
The reason I am saying this because I feel I did not represent myself correctly. My goal is not T20. I just want my son to go to a decent school in CA. After experiencing the pandemic, my wife is not ready to send him out-of-state. However UC is competitive and private colleges are very expensive. I have heard stories that some kid got 2200 in SAT and still did not get into any colleges in UC system. Heard about some high GPA scorers who had to go out-of-state for admission. And some similar stories.
I just want to make sure that I give right opportunities to my son. It should not happen that my inability to do research becomes his disadvantage. I do not want to force him to be something that he doesnât want to. But I do want to find out about the activities that can fit his personality so that he can try as much as possible. What I am afraid is, because of my inability to collect info; he may miss an opportunity in life that he could have otherwise qualified for.
1 Like
You know what interests him. Work with him to find clubs/sports at school, in the community, activities through church/synagogue, and maybe things he can create on his own.
Letâs hope the pandemic is gone. Three years until he applies is a long time - and depending on his grades, youâll likely find a lower cost option out of state, but not necessarily far like an Arizona. Thatâs today - we donât know about the class of 2030 yet.
When he gets to HS, see if thereâs a way for him to try something. If it works, he can grow with it, and if not, he can change.
Not all schools look at activities, etc.
The fact that you care puts you ahead of the curve = but letâs see how he does academic wise.
No matter how he does, there will be an option out there for him that works for you.
1 Like
Boy, do I get where you are coming from. Your worry is very normal. We all want to do right by our kids. Please know you are a great parent whether or not you successfully research every option out there. In fact, I guarantee that down the line you will find out about an opportunity that your kid would have loved, had you only known about it. For me, it is math competitions. But you know what? My kid turned out fine anyway and doesnât hold it against me.
It will all be ok. Best advice I ever got was to shoot for âgood enoughâ parenting. The stress on you and your kid from trying to max out every opportunity is damaging stuff. Down time is important. Following interests, following your kidâs lead, is a much better way to go. I figure a typical middle school kid should have one physical activity and one other activity of their choice at any given time. Based on what is interesting to them, not for mastery or competition, just for fun. It doesnât need to be organized or something you pay for. I could be convinced that something musical should be in the mix (so 3 activities total). This is not for getting into college, it is just for a kid to explore and keep balance and stay healthy.
These days there are kids who have 2 sports at a time, an instrument, volunteer work, scouts plus something academic, every week. It is untenable for kid and parent alike. Donât do that.
All you need to do is love your kid, put some options out there for them to try, make sure they get enough sleep, make sure they apply themselves in school, and make sure they eat their vegetables. Oh, and they should have some basic chores, so they are contributing to your household.
Most important: spend time with them while you still can. Time flies way too fast.
You do those things, college prep will take care of itself. Really.
6 Likes
Hopefully by the time your son is a HS senior, Covid will be a worry of the past and there wonât be a concern about where your son goes to school.
If you are still in CA at that point, youâll still have lots of instate options. Not just UCs but CSUs as well. Merced still has a very high acceptance rate for high achieving students. Just many parents seem to look down on them.
IMO, middle school is the time to try out ECs and see what is enjoyable and what isnât, start establishing good study habits, and to have fun.
From the parent perspective, start saving. Cost is going to be the most limiting factor in college decisions.
2 Likes
The good news is that if your child applies himself academically and pursues activities that are meaningful for him, he will have many options. While the California publics are increasingly competitive, there are many of them and I quite doubt heâd be shut out by all. There also is a consortium of western states public universities called WUE, of which California is a member. Your child could attend member schools out of state for rates varying between the instate rate to 1.5x the instate rate. These include University of Utah, University of Arizona and Arizona State (both of which have excellent honors programs and colleges), University of New Mexico, Washington State, etc. Admissions at schools like these are more stats driven (GPA, rigor, and test scores) than ECs, although ECs are definitely considered.
https://www.wiche.edu/tuition-savings/wue/wue-savings-finder/
Under current conditions, if your child ends up with a strong HS transcript and competitive test scores, he also might be a likely candidate for merit scholarships at Utah, Arizona, NM, etc. which would likely end up costing the same or less than what youâd be paying for a California public in state.
When he gets closer to applying - say the summer before his junior year - you can come back here and folks will chime in with affordable options.
You also need to be mindful of the fact that the pandemic and the shift to test optional admissions made this whole process even more unpredictable. This past year was very confusing. While elite admissions (including the higher-ranked UCs) are always somewhat opaque, this past year was even more so. Hopefully the pandemic will be in the rear window by the time your child applies.
Good luck and enjoy these years. They go by quickly!
5 Likes
That is my point - you did what parents who care about their kidâs education and intellectual development do. You did not encourage your kid to develop their music talent because that could help them get into a âgood collegeâ. Your kid reached the level they reached not only because they were born with a lot of talent, but because focused on giving them the support they needed to develop whatever talent or interests they happened to have. You supported your kidâs music development because they loved music, not because you saw it a path to a âgood universityâ.
BTW, my kid has been dancing since she was 5, and never stopped. However, while she loves it, she never had the passion that your kid has for music.
The point of college is to help in a future career, but the focus on college admissions as a goal in and of themselves is what is so toxic.
Thank you. It was more that she found it within herself to step up and lead activism for things in which she believed.
I also think that it was wonderful that your kid was able to find their passion so early. And what @Lindagaf wrote.
I think that your kid demonstrates the irony of the whole process. The best way to reaching the type of excellence that the most popular colleges are looking for (in non-hooked applicants), is to stop caring about what these colleges may or may not want, and to focus on doing your very best in what you love.
1 Like
@albright7, honest, he will be fine. In fact, I have heard UCâs donât go by ECâs as much as some of the private universities, and they donât accept arts/music supplements either (which can help with top schools_/
I have to stay I disagree with @parentologistâs posts. Yes, music starts young for many. I know a young person, however, who majored in music at the same school where @parentologist s son is going, and is still in the field- but didnât commit to it until 11th grade. One of my kids danced from age 8 and was in a professional company, but changed course in 12th grade. You just never know.
There is no timeline for developing âpassionsâ and people can do fine even if they don
t have one, or have too many. It is certainly not necessary to be achieving great things in 8th grade.
I compare it to surfing. The kid seems interested and you help them ride that wave.
One other note: it takes money and someone around to transport to do some of the ECâs like high level music. Harvard and other schools have realized this and changed their curriculum to increase access beyond the conservatory-prep type kids, and increase diversity of offerings.
Some kids have to do what is offered at school, or work at a job, due to family finances. lack of transportation or geographic location. Colleges recognize this more these days.
Middle school is a time of physical change. He needs sleep and low stress. Have faith that high school years will be rewarding and let him find his waves (so to speak).
3 Likes
Try not to live with the fear of not being able to give the ârightâ opportunities to your son. Itâs easy to do so, especially in an area where competition amongst teenagers is tough. And, of course, our kids should be productive, not sitting on their rear passively watching life go by. One high school in our city - before the pandemic, mind you - had two kids commit suicide, along with a third serious attempt, within 18 months. High pressure school. Not worth it.
As your kid gets older, there will be things they reach for that they will not get - scholarships and school acceptances being only part of them. Wonât be easy to take (already been there myself) but a person has to deal with it, regardless. Because it doesnât change the situation.
Try to approach things from a position of strength. What can he do to be engaged, productive, and a great person to know at any age, not just when applying to colleges? If his mind is productive (challenging classes in the A to G CA requirements), his body is physically fit (has regular exercise, eats decently, sleeps enough) and he helps others (authentic service makes a person feel like they are part of something greater), heâs already ahead as a human being.
That said, your question is a valid one that probably most parents ask. I have read a lot of books just to see how education works in this country - or has up to this point, in certain circles. The past year and-a-half, plus test optional changes, alters things immensely. Way more unpredictable to know where your kid will land after they send all their college applications in.
Your kid needs to identify things that interest him and engage in said interests, which can change. Mostly, showing a commitment and dedication to activities - being engaged and trustworthy - will attract good people and good outcomes to him in life.
4 Likes