Hi everyone!
So I’m going to a state university and it’s a party school. Thus, the majority of students smoke marijuana, juul, drink, etc. (~60%, according to the school course I took.) I’ve started talking to my roommate and it turns out she smokes weed and enjoys drinking. Although it’s possible NJ will legalize marijuana in the future, it’s currently still illegal to possess weed on the campus. I don’t care what she does in her free time (I personally don’t drink or smoke and I did put that on the housing application) but I’m worried that her keeping marijuana in our shared dorm will result in legal consequences for both of us. I’m in an accelerated medical program, which is the basically the only reason I’m attending this college, and I intend on following the terms – I do not want to be kicked out of it or the school. How should I approach this issue?
I’ve read previous threads and they primarily suggest to switch roommates. I’m iffy on this solution because the school is full of people who smoke weed and chances are pretty good I’ll just get another smoker. Also, I got my first choice in housing and it’s the one of the few positives here. Third, I don’t want to be considered a NARC since most people here smoke and I’d probably get a few threats. /:
There is no smoking in dorms (or any public buildings) so you should be clear with your roommate that there is to be no smoking in the room. Make sure roommate doesn’t store the stash in any shared areas (closets, kitchen cabinets). Just be honest “Hey, I don’t care, but please don’t get me in trouble.”
Yes, awkward conversation, but make sure she doesn’t smoke in the room. You are right, it is very prevalent these days so I don’t think switching roommates would solve your problem. My son is at Rowan; they don’t seem to be “out to get you” but the smell is distinct so you don’t want to push it. Hopefully she’s reasonable and will understand. Good luck!
Lots of assumptions there. Like she’ll have a stash, be packing her three foot bong, and her cheech and Chong movies. I’d wait to see how it plays out. Most people are relatively discrete. If done, they’ll probably go to “that room” where it’s done regularly. I think you have very little to worry about. Good luck.
I am guessing that you have been emailing/texting with her? Then perhaps say that as marijuana is still illegal, that she will need to not keep any marijuana in the room nor smoke in the room and what she does outside the room is none of your business.
Come to an agreement on the issue NOW, or change roommates while things are still being set up.
I would email her how important the accelerated medical program is to you.
Let her know that you don’t care if she has wild threesomes in her bed, but that you can’t risk your enrollment over her contraband, and that while you hope she would understand, that you will nevertheless feel compelled to turn her in to campus police the first and EVERY subsequent time you see, or smell pot or any contraband in the confines of your shared living space.
Let her put in for a room change. 
I would be upfront that you don’t want any smoking or storing in the room and if you see it, you’ll be talking to the RA. I agree that it is an unnecessary risk to you.
@ClassisRockerDad: Too likely that her message might be misinterpreted.
Boy, these responses are sooo helpful (insert sarcasm here). I do not suggest you take a hard line approach with your roommate before you’ve even spent a single day together. And if you give her an ultimatum now, you are likely to alienate her, possibly without reason. Maybe she only intends to smoke or drink when someone offers them to her and would never even think of bringing either into your shared space.
If 70% of your floor smokes, you probably don’t want to appear unreasonably uptight. By that I’m not referring to your personal decision to abstain from either pot or alcohol. That’s your choice, and no one is likely to hold that against you. But you don’t want to end up feeling excluded from the group because you come off the wrong way just when you’re getting started.
@RandyErika That’s just it. To each his own. But once you become “holier than thou” your going to rub people the wrong way.
If it’s really an issue, check to see if they have substance free dorms.
I would wait to have the conversation in person but we are talking about something that could get OP in major trouble if illegal substances are found in her room.
Yeah, there is too much zero-tolerance going around. America is not forgiving these days. But the unnecessary risk mandates the hard line to the roommate. It takes strength of character to stand up for yourself. But to do otherwise could make you complicit and potentially guilty by association.
I would stop the issue at the source now. Why create a problem for yourself that is really HER problem. As for putting up with it or going with the flow, I would say no way. You do not need more stress than just studying and school. Change roommates now. They must have a way to do this. Be upfront about it. I personally think it stinks (smell) and could NEVER live in a room with that smell. You don’t have to make it into a moral issue. Though I would not even be able to stand the smell if someone smoked outside the room. ( Though I would not be able to do anything about that). And worse, so many women wear patchouli or light candles to cover the smell. Double yuck.
People change roommates before they arrive at campus all the time. I think it is easier to make a statement now over email than in person. If the other person doesn’t want to be roommates with the OP they can change. There is nothing “uptight” about complying with the law.