<p>I posted a few weeks ago about my D, who has an incomplete because she did not submit a paper for a summer school course. The professor is on leave this semester, so D needs to go to the registrar to figure out what to do. She still has not taken care of this, although I do believe she will get it done by the very last second (before the I becomes an F). </p>
<p>I have been thinking about what some posters and private messagers suggested (sorry I can't send private messages back--I don't have 15 posts), which is that D might have symptoms of ADD or Executive Function Disorder. I have to say that most of what I have found on the internet just confuses me. So I am posting to ask, especially those who have had kids diagnosed as young adults, what are the pros and cons of a diagnosis, and also, how do I go about finding someone competent to make a diagnosis?</p>
<p>I am thinking that a diagnosis might help D develop a strategy for completing tasks, if she realizes that it is disordered not to be able to accomplish things on time, or to keep track of things . . . The incomplete is just the latest in a long, long, long history of missing deadlines and losing things. Well, maybe even not the latest--this semester, she has missed one homework assignment (that she realizes and that she has told me about). And she is supposed to be submitting her registration form for next semester, but she needs to see her advisor, and doesn't know when she will do that . . . </p>
<p>She survivies (and actually in the end almost always does quite well) on sheer intelligence and the fact that people like her. But it has to be stressful for her, and it definitely is stressful for me.</p>
<p>Edited to add: And if anyone can suggest any good self-help books that might 1. help her see that constantly being in a state of forgetfulness is not normal, and 2. what to do about the constant forgetfulness, please let me know!</p>
<p>Honestly, a diagnosis isn’t going to help anything at this point. She is a senior in college and has made it this far. Having an incomplete in one class does not equate to EF disorder. People are just WAY too quick to jump to a “diagnosis”. Sometimes kids are just not organized and parents have to accept this. Honestly, she sounds like a college kid or actually like many adults I know that wait to the last minute to get things done. It happens, and it happens ALL the time. </p>
<p>What exactly do you expect to achieve with this “diagnosis”? The college isn’t really going to do anything for her at this point. </p>
<p>I think the best thing you can do for her now is to BACK OFF and make HER responsible for herself. You are enabling her behavior by “helping” her. If she misses registration, oh well, so sorry but you have to go back for fall semester instead—but certainly don’t PAY for that for her, make HER figure it out.</p>
<p>I have a procrastinator also (she’s in college too). I can relate to this part of your post:</p>
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<p>She creates drama for herself because of her procrastination. I have come to believe that she likes the drama. Of course I’ve told her that she can reduce the drama and the stress by planning ahead, but there’s nothing I can say to change her behavior. In fact, just this week she told me that the planning ahead stresses her out (I told her that the planning is supposed to REDUCE the stress) - she brought all this up, not me. </p>
<p>So I have done what SteveMA suggested and backed off. It’s easier to do with her away at school (as opposed to when she was in HS). I worry, but it’s not my issue at this point. She has to live with her decisions. Fortunately, in the end, she is quite conscientious and cares about her GPA. Only she can decide if she wants to make it easy on herself or not.</p>
<p>When she was in HS, I would buy her student tip kind of books, email her websites with tips, etc. Not sure if she ever looked at them. Now, she’s basically an adult and has to learn some lessons for herself.</p>
<p>There is no reliable test for ADHD/ADD, and many providers use questionnaires, primarily. A good neuropsychologist could do testing for Executive Function disorders (and other learning issues) that would also help clarify the ADHD question, but since testing is in a controlled environment with one on one interaction, ADHD does not always show up in that setting.</p>
<p>I think a diagnosis is always beneficial. Some of my issues were not diagnosed until the end of junior year in college-- had I not gotten my diagnosis then I probably would not have been able to hold down the job I have now post-graduation. Before I was just beating my head against a wall trying over and over again to fix the problem without any success, but it’s pretty darn hard to fix a problem without identifying the problem first. Not to mention the great relief that comes from knowing that you are not stupid, you are not inferior, your brain just works differently and you have to find ways to work around that in a society that is designed for the “average” person. Knowing just how it works “differently” is a necessary piece of that puzzle.</p>
<p>One of my very best friends did not have her dyslexia diagnosed until she was halfway through a Ph.D. program. And yes, the diagnosis changed her life. She finally was able to understand why certain things were so challenging for her, and she had access to advice that gave her better strategies for dealing with those challenges.</p>
<p>If you think your daughter has issues, tell her. Encourage her to get whatever kind(s) of screening that are available to her, and encourage her to take advantage of any advice that comes to her about making her life more manageable. Perhaps she won’t act on this now, perhaps she will. But it will truly be finally out of your hands.</p>
<p>A diagnosis would definitely help me (if I was having issues). But we’re not talking Newhope here … it’s WTT’s daughter. The D took an Incomplete and then failed to complete the paper. Surely she’s aware of that.</p>
<p>Suggestions about how to find a good neuropsychologist? </p>
<p>Emaheevul07, it sounds like you had a good expereince in the end with your evaluation–how did you find the person to do it?</p>
<p>I am thinking that even just for my own peace of mind, that I didn’t leave her with an identifiable problem that might have an identifiable solution, I am going to encourage her to be tested.</p>
<p>K so what about a day planner, a calendar, lists, etc.<br>
Does she just try and remember everything or does she have tools?</p>
<p>Does she make notes to herself? Or does she try and keep it all in her head. </p>
<p>Before I get all caught up in labels I would ask my daughter if she uses tools like planners lists and calendars and if not why not. We don’t need expensive tests to be done if the person hasn’t even done the minimum.</p>
<p>My daughter in middle school was very scattered and very smart. Having strategies she designed for herself did wonders and lifelong.</p>
<p>There is also fear, not turning in a paper because it’s a bad paper, not wanting to deal with getting something done. That is normal natural and very common behavior. How many people haven’t done their taxes or avoid the dentist. </p>
<p>Why is suddenly everything a syndrome? So she hasn’t met with her advisor? She knows she has to, she just doesn’t want to. So lets label her. Avoidance isn’t a disease. Neither is laziness.</p>
<p>As for the stress, she has created the stress herself. And the drama. </p>
<p>Why the rush to get tested? Why not get her a white board, calendar post it notes, day planner, folders, etc? I would start with that.</p>
<p>If we tested every college kdid who was late meeting w an advisor, who didn’t turn in papers, who registered late was disorganxied we would have an epidemic.</p>
<p>S1 withdrew from school almost exactly one year ago, after disastrous personal and profound academic setbacks that he was keeping from us in a typical ADD misdirected effort to fix it (or at least not face it). We brought him home. Having already gone through a “do you want to be evaluated to see what’s wrong” during the long slow slide, he was then ready to do that. </p>
<p>We looked up counseling services in our area and called them to see if they did testing for adults. Many would only speak to him, and there were lots of setbacks as far as follow through. In the end, though, he was dx with ADD inattentive for the first time at 22, a senior in college. The psychologist talked us through the results and it was pretty convincing.</p>
<p>It was invaluable to know that it wasn’t that he was lazy. It wasn’t that we were enabling. It wasn’t that he didn’t try hard enough, was distracted by his hobbies, or was ill suited for college. It was the way he is wired. It’s like trying to cross a bridge that will never exist – you can’t know to stop trying the bridge and build stairs, or an airplane, if everyone else is crossing that damn bridge and you think you should too. If you remove the support from an ADD student, they usually don’t learn to take up the slack. They fail, and do it spectacularly and at great personal cost. With support and insight, they can be happy, healthy, successful, creative, wonderful students. </p>
<p>That being said, ADD is hard to diagnose and harder to treat. There is no quick solution, but there is some peace in at least knowing what the deal is. If she has persistant, predictable and profound difficulties I would find the CHADD diagnostic questions on the web. That will give you a sense of what they are looking for in evaluation. Knowledge one way or another can’t be a bad thing. Feel free to PM me if you have questions, but I am also very new at this!</p>
<p>Newbie here. WTT, so sorry to hear of these events. I can sympathize as my child was diagnosed with EFD at 14. It required a compressive eval by a very highly recommended neuropsychologist. This doc was recommended by our school district. It’s a struggle but now that she is prepping for college it is concerning. They can succeed but need strategies and therapy by a knowledgeable counselor. Even with this it can be devastating. Good luck</p>
<p>I see no reason not to have your daughter tested. If nothing else, it will bring peace of mind to rule out any learning or attention issues. My child was diagnosed at an older age. The difference that medication and knowledge of how to study given her specific learning style has been truly amazing! You will not only learn of weaknesses, if there are any, but also of strengths which can be capitalized upon. In our case, it was a combination of neuro-psychology testing and consultation with the pediatrician that yielded the information needed. The neuropsychologist and pediatrician worked together beautifully. I truly hope you find the answers you are seeking. You are a very good mom to take such concern about your daughter and not just assume your child is lazy. Best of luck.</p>
<p>Nobody is perfect, everybody has some problem. I strongly believe that we should start diagnosing all of them and make special arrangements for every single in-perfection that young and not so young people might have. This definitely would be a great learning experience that will teach them how to overcome their own personal obstacles. OK, let’s start. There are kids that want to be involved in everything around them, they definitely pile up and stretch their time to the limits. Let’s call it Limitless Time Association disorder. Lazy is also a disorder. It is called Streaching Leasure Association disorder. Here is my contribution.</p>
<p>That’s my point. Does everything that is difficult require extensive medical testing? Cut back on something. Don’t play three instruments just because you want to. Turn the paper in. And if you don’t are you going to blame some diagnosis your whole life?</p>
<p>Oops sorry I didn’t pay my electric bill, but I just can’t stay organized. </p>
<p>Again what about lists, planners, calendars, post it’s, saying no, not expecting to do everything all the time, and then wanting drugs so you can get it all done.</p>
<p>I just ate whole ton of ice cream for…breakfast, yummm, but I do realize that I have an eating disorder, which will help me next time to eat more ice cream for breakfast, another yummmie one is coming, looking forward…on the other hand, who said that there is something wrong with eating lots of ice cream for breakfast. So, here is another point, judgements are subjective, no black or white, for some it is OK to sleep 4 hrs, others need 10hrs, who if these 2 has a sleeping disorder? I say a second one, collecting votes…</p>
<p>I forget where I park my car. Do I have dementia? No I get distracted after driving in circle looking for a spot then rushing away. I learned to stop, and say, my car is at the corner of such and such. I figured out a simp system. </p>
<p>The op daughter forgot to turn in a homework assignment? Really? Does she keep a check list of homework and go, check done? Or does she try and keep it all in her head? </p>
<p>Doesn’t take tests to learn strategies to keep organized.</p>
<p>^I can never ever remember where I park the car. I have a procedure to follow. If it is a big parking lot with letter polls, I always park by letter “D”. Do not aks me why, for “Dementia” maybe? Somehow I remember D, so I will not even try to remember anything else. Go with procedures, strategies, many (most?) of us do.</p>
<p>Miami and Seashorse – I find your responses lacking in compassion. If you don’t feel the OP’s problem is real; if you feel her son’s issues are unworthy of constructive input from people who have been there (that’s what she asked for), couldn’t you – just for the sake of community — be quiet? It really isn’t necessary to ■■■■■ the post. As the parent of another child who has struggled mightily and sincerely with his problems, I’m offended by your dismissive and derisive attitude towards people who might have mental health, systemic, or behavioral issues. It’s not helpful. Please stop.</p>
<p>I too am deeply offended by your lack of understanding of the reality of EFD and ADD, Miami and Seahorsesrock. Do you have the same prescription for people with physical disabilities-- cerebral palsy, what cerebral palsy, if I can walk you can walk!-- or is your profound ignorance just confined to mental disabilities?</p>
<p>Perhaps if you remained silent, you wouldn’t expose your ignorance to the whole world. Meanwhile, you might reflect that “If I can do it, you can do it,” tends not to apply to most things.</p>