<p>Given the current dating / mingling / etc scene in large colleges these days, and the associated partying / hanging out / hormones-r-us scene, should a parent be more comforted or more apprehensive when his child and his/her high school significant other end up by design in the same college a couple hours away from home? </p>
<p>Back in my days (1970's and 1980's) the standard procedure was to find a steady date and then focus on our coursework :-). I did that and we're still married a quarter century later. Social interaction, hanging out with myriads of friends, partying, etc. seemed to have been greatly reduced by the steady presence of the significant other and our mutual support.</p>
<p>These days however things are different, and thanks to the perpetually connected kids, an evening alone to finish a project can quickly degenerate into a 6 hour texting / Facebooking / etc endeavor. This, of course, to be compared with the non-attached student version of partying, hanging out, etc.</p>
<p>Again, it's not that we did not waste our time back then. I had the university high score in PacMan and Rogue, but things are different today. If you have a child in college with a high school longtime significant other along, has this worked out well or has it been a catastrophe?</p>
<p>I think your idea about young adults is a little naive. Are you thinking that if they go to different colleges, they will remain “pure”? What do you suppose will happen when they visit each other at college, or see each other on breaks? Or what if they break up and your child looks around and notices all the attractive students on their own campus? Where there are young people, there will be attraction; it has ever been thus. Your child’s level of sexual activity is ultimately going to be determined by their values, not by the availability of this or that specific partner. </p>
<p>I went to college in the 70’s too, and my experience was a bit different than yours. When students paired off, they didn’t withdraw from social life to spend more time studying. They simply joined the party as a couple rather than as solos.</p>
<p>Kids definitely are perpetually connected now; that’s simply a fact of life and wishing it away doesn’t solve the problem. Their challenge is to learn to manage it; to resist the temptation to click over to facebook while writing a paper, to have the willpower to turn the phone OFF for a couple of hours while they study for a test. That’s a battle they have to fight within their own minds; no amount of parental pressure can possibly enforce it. </p>
<p>I had the flipside of the problem you present. My D went to a college across the country from her HS boyfriend, and that caused a whole different set of problems. She missed him so much that she spent all of her free time Skypeing, IM-ing, and texting with him; and she never engaged socially at her college as a result. She was miserable all year. But they broke up over that summer, and she went back unencumbered and had a wonderful sophomore year.</p>
<p>My S is a year older than his HS GF. She followed him to college. I too was worried about the effect on his grades (although I doubted they could have been much worse at that point!) and social-implications.</p>
<p>They may be the exception to the rule, but it worked in his favor. She is a bit more serious student (recently took a non-required final - because it wouldn’t bump her B to an A nor drop her to a C - but she just wanted to try for a higher B!) and my S’s grades have greatly improved! </p>
<p>But they have a pretty healthy relationship. She will come home some weekends without him. Even though they live in buildings virtually beside each other there are days they don’t even see each other (talk via text, yes - just not physically see).</p>
<p>We know other kids that were not so lucky!!! So, I really think it all comes down to the kids and their maturity and the stage of their relationship.</p>
<p>In my case my best GPAs were the semesters I was seriously seeing someone. The time I was not involved I just figured I’d catch up on the weekend, and I never did.</p>
<p>It’s really not a question of ‘purity’, but a question of linear programming :-). That is, which scenario leads to more optimized (results wise) college life?</p>
<p>I agree with Erin’s Dad that in my experience ‘hooked’ students seemed to have the better GPA. Also, in the one year plus my child and their significant other have been together, there has been little ‘hanging out’ with anyone else - neither of the kids are social butterfly types - </p>
<p>Maturity is the key variable here, but all things including maturity or lack thereof being equal, is it better to BYOB/BYOG or to ‘mingle’ ??? I’ve seen many a wild party animal settle down to the realities of PHYS 201 and many a dedicated monk of a student that tossed it out the window…</p>
<p>I see several drawbacks to high school couples choosing the same college. If they’re soul-mates, destined to be together always, great. But young people change enormously during college, and usually are not the same when they graduate as when they enroll. College itself offers an important opportunity for learning about serious relationships (to say nothing of a bigger, potentially better, dating pool). Relationships need tending; I’d wonder what my kid might be missing if he/she was spending significant time with the bf/gf instead of a freshman peer group.</p>
<p>I’m glad my kids took full advantage of that first year in college to find their tribe and form lifelong friendships. Being in a couple from the first days of college doesn’t have to be limiting, but I think it can be. I see advantages to kids arriving on campus as individuals and pursuing individual interests, without necessarily taking a bf/gf’s interests into account. </p>
<p>My d3 had a serious hs bf, but they didn’t attend the same school. She didn’t fall fully in love with her school until their break-up. If they’d been on the same campus, I think the break-up would have been more painful. Something else for a couple to consider - how likely are they to remain a couple? I know they all think they will, but how many do?</p>
<p>As to which scenario leads to a higher GPA - I think other factors are more important. Kids can waste just as much study time on Farmville (or whatever it is these days), or hanging out with a group, as they can with a significant other. An important part of the first year is figuring out how to balance the social side of college with the academic.</p>