@ATR11 if it is PTI, he is able to have his record expunged as soon as he meets the requirements of the PTI. If that means staying clean for 1 year, at the end of that year you can have the record expunged. It takes several months, but then the arrest if off his record. Check with your attorney as well - in my state, PTI does not require a plea, meaning he is not convicted of a crime and does not have to disclose anything on apps that ask if he was ever convicted of a crime.
Thanks, Blossom, for the reality check, and wisdom. I DO have close friends who know what happened; we have a lot of personal/emotional support. However, no one has experience with this particular issue, so, that’s why I’m here 
Milee: Yep, been there! Believe me. Whoa. It’s quite a journey, isn’t it? We have been through it all. We do have friends who support and understand. Very lucky! Just no one has specific experience about this recent calamity.
OP- I have a friend whose kid went to jail. Not the 24 hour hold while he sleeps it off jail- the multi year prison sentence with hardened and violent felons (her kid was a drug dealer but not a user himself, no violence, prior to his arrest didn’t have as much as a parking ticket). She went through MANY emotions during his incarceration- mostly guilt of course that they didn’t shop harder for a better lawyer, mortgage the house, and get him the kind of defense that ends up with community service, slap on the wrist, etc. instead of hard time. But a lot of other painful stuff as well.
Now that her son is out, doing great, started a business which is doing well (all those entrepreneurial skills put to a happy use, finally), and has put his past behind him, my friend is starting to unpack the last several years. And the one thing she most regrets is the isolation… both self imposed (how do you show up at your book club and when people start comparing whose kid is interning at which fancy company that summer say “So proud of Ralph who just got a raise to 12 cents an hour working in the prison kitchen, he’s learning so many things to do with kale!” and the other kind of isolation (people hiding out in the supermarket to avoid crossing paths with you).
But she thinks the isolation was worse than everything else. Not being able to complain, not being able to tell anyone how on one day she’d be furious at the judge, then her kid, then the lawyer, the fourth grade teacher who didn’t put a stop to the kid’s “sass”, or whatever else she thought had set him off. And of course- not being able to share the good stuff as well- watching her kid turn things around.
I bet there is someone in your neighborhood, community, friend of friend, who is going through what you are going through. Big hug. Having someone in real life you can take a walk with and vent might help A LOT.
Madge- well said! I couldn’t agree with you more. And, this is exactly the situation at hand. Thank you!
Blossom- thanks for sharing that story. And great advice.
NJ, I have a message into his attorney. Thx.
TTG- Thank you. Great insights and advice.
There’s some positions where you would be required to disclose a conviction even if it’s been legally expunged. Some job apps may want you to list all arrests, regardless of whether they resulted in a conviction.
Roethlisburger- and unfortunately the particular school my son is applying to requires that level of disclosure.
I agree with Madge (and am from the same state). And no I don’t want to turn this into a pro/anti marijuana discussion. I would say, though, that with three kids now past college, use of marijuana was extremely common among their friends. But they tended not to distribute I suppose. I just hate to hear of any young person having his or her life altered in such a severe way for possession of marijuana. There have been inequities in the application of laws of course, in the past, but my wish would now be for leniency for everyone- and treatment as needed.
I understand your son loved the college experience but as an older student I wonder if, even without this happening, he would have tired of college life due to an age difference with the typical student. I have a kid who got off the usual timetable (and of course the majority of college students are now non-traditional so not sure it is even the “usual”) and is doing an adult learner program. These are also called “extension, or continuing education.” Some are online, some are on a campus, some are distance learning with one weekend a semester on campus- many models. My kid has ADHD as well and finds that working really structures her, and then she take 2 classes a semester. She is getting there…So maybe at some point he will choose to continue his education with a different model.
I also want to mention the National Outdoor Leadership School , since someone mentioned experiences with nature. You can google it.
By the way, someone recovering from a drug addiction is covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act I believe…which means he could get accommodations at a school through the Office for Disabilities. Whatever helps him stay clean and do the work he is capable of.
Any family can be touched by a situation like this. I agree with the posters who say don’t isolate yourself. I’ve seen people who have spent YEARS avoiding others to avoid awkward conversations. And others who realized once one awkward conversation is had, they just move on because honestly, what’s going on in our families matters far more to us, it’s just a blip to most others.
Hugs to you, OP!
Compmom- thanks…yeah, I am concerned that he is “aging out” of the 4-year college campus scene. There are many ways to skin the cat, right? Thanks for your thoughts.
Thanks Trisherella.
Your son should look into earning an online degree.