Hi everyone, so basically my story is that I had a lot of friends in high school, but I used to just always want to get out of high school and move on to college. Now, I would do anything to go back to high school, seriously, those were the good years. Ever since I went to college, I had a super hard time making friends my freshman year but then it got better with getting a job and then I eventually found 3 girls that were my suit mates and we became good friends, then 2/3 of them transferred after freshman year and when I came back from sophomore year I’ve been a mess. I live off-campus now and have an okay roommate but she goes home a lot so I am always alone and I just feel painfully lonely, I literally have absolutely no friends here other than my roommate,I only have some acquaintances. This semester has also been really touch academic wise, and I feel like this loneliness and overwhelmingness of school has caused me seasonal depression, but I really don’t think I actually have depression, because I do have good days where I have accepted being alone and focusing on my self, if that makes sense, but I don’t know I hope I don’t have it. But this phase of depression makes me never want to study and I hate it because I need good grades. Basically, social media has contributed greatly to my phase of depression because everyone seems like they have a perfect life at college and I don’t, and that feeling really sucks. My family pays me for my college and wants me to stay here since its a good school academic wise, so I am stuck here. Oh and everyone is getting a house for their junior year and it just makes you feel great because I have no one to live with!! I cry sometimes, but I try to be strong and have a positive outlook but nothing ever good happens to me, and I just need something good. I really hope something good comes out of all this sadness because I really am a nice and friendly person and very outgoing and funny once you get to know me, I just feel like a lot of the girls at my college are really obsessed with themselves and sororities are all that matter here (don’t even get me started on sororities) and I feel like everyone has already found their friends or their group. If you read this far, I appreciate it and I hope I am not the only feeling this way and also hope someone can relate to my situation or even give me some advice on what to do and get out of this sophomore slump.
I’m lonely sometimes too, but it feels great to me. I just embrace the feeling of being alone-.I don’t have to deal with anyone; I’m just completely focused on myself. Sororities and fraternities are just not worth it from what I’ve seen. I have a few friends, but I don’t talk to them much bc I focus on myself. The whole reason for college is to get an education. Yes, it’s to make connections and all that, but those connections won’t help you get a degree. Just try to embrace the feeling first. If it gets worse, then forget I typed this. And when I read “so I’m stuck here”, it just sounded like you definitely thought of dropping out of college at one point or another. Dropping out of college is never a great option, especially if you do any schooling past high school, then you might as well finish it out because, yea it’s a pain in the ass, but it pays off in the long run. Don’t let your social situation get ahold of you, especially if it’s causing you to study less. Hope this helps!
I am going to say something to you that I have said to my daughter mny many times since she was tiny, “don’t just stand there and cry, figure out how to solve the problem.” I am not saying that to be mean. I am actually glad you came here to CC for advice. You will get some great suggestions here. I think it is a step toward trying to figure out how to solve your problem.
First, make sure you haven’t crossed the line to depression. Go to your school’s student counseling center, get screened, arrange for a few sessions and talk to someone. They know what resources you might have on your campus to help you further.
Second, let go of the fantasy that high school was as good as it gets. You can’t go back, it’s no longer what it was. I’m not saying forget about it, rather grieve the loss that you didn’t expect to feel, then move on. Holding on too tight to things causes so much unnecessary pain. It’s time to face reality, letting go of both high school and college fantasies.
Third, welcome to the steep learning curve that brings you to adulthood and self-determination. When you graduate from high school and head off to college you are no longer living in the world that your parents created for you and wrapped around you. You have to figure out how to create your own world. It’s not a social media world. Think about it, do you post selfies in unhappy situations? A really authentic meaningful adult life doesn’t happen overnight (even if it looks like some of your peers have it altogether). Keep working at it, be friendly, reframe your thinking over and over in a positive way, use Facebook or Craigslist to find living situations if necessary like lots of others your age, get involved in things, be open, be patient that learning to be a competent adult takes time.
Lastly, do the best you can in college and be grateful that you are being given a college education. It’s a privilege and your family is probably making financial sacrifices. Also, your options, such as for transfers or future employment, will be much more open if you do as well as you can. Besides, you are at college first and foremost to get an education. Everything else is frosting.
I’m wondering if there is any way to improve your housing situation. Would it be better to move back on campus? Maybe campus suites/apartments with new roommates (transfers are always entering and might make great new friends). Are you truly out of the loop to get house next year with a group? Have you asked around? Have you put it out there that you would be interested? The sororities…Maybe “if you can’t beat them, join them.” Have you gone to rush and truly evaluated if there is a group of women who would be a fit for you?
Just a few ideas to piggyback on the previous poster’s great advice to “do something to solve the problem.”
Your housing situation isn’t working for you. Find a house for next year that needs a roommate. Go to the student housing office and find what options there are. Maybe you can move after this semester.
There is no time limit on making friends. Your high school friends are not all having a perfect life, and are probabaly posting stuff on social media because they want others to think they are having a great time. Stay off social media, unless you enjoy torturing yourself. Your high school friends are all moving on and you need to as well.
Find welcoming and accepting groups at school. Join a board game club, volunteer, get involved with the campus ministry, or get a sociable campus job. The sophomore slump is real, but doing nothing isn’t going to help you. You have a lot of options, but you have to be proactive and find them.
Social media is not real life; it is a scrap book of the best, not all. Filters and selective editing don’t equal reality. Know this - comparison is the thief of joy. Clubs, hobbies and volunteering are great positive distractions. Have you considered being an RA at your school? Your housing would be determined and you would have good interactions with more people.
First of all, virtual hug to you. I hope that college (or high school) is NOT the best time of your life, because there’s a lot more of life to live. That being said, when you believe in a rather “all or nothing” statement like your title it’s easy to feel like your experience falls short or not living up to such high expectations. The reality is that you had what sounds like a wonderful high school life, lucky you. Try to remember that your high school life grew out of the world that your parents wrapped around you and you were not responsible for many aspects of what is needed to live, someone else provided that for you, as good parents should.
Now you are in college and are facing the transition to adulthood and building your own life. It is a wonderful opportunity. It comes with all the ups and downs of adulthood, relationships that come and go, money that comes and goes, work that comes and goes, joy that comes and goes, sadness that comes and goes, etc. etc. It is hard work to grow academically and socially. The sophomore slump is real, whatever shine the fantasy of college had is worn off with reality. The truth is that you can’t go back. You have the choice to go forward as positively as you can. Keep working hard, keep doing well academically, keep trying to connect with others socially. Sometimes there will be a spark, sometimes there won’t. Small positive steps everyday and you might just start, little by little, to feel happier.
College will be over soon and you will, hopefully, be a nurse earning good money and enjoying your young adulthood. These 4 years will be just a blip in your life.
My college experience stank to high heaven. Although I worked very hard in HS and got into a couple of nice schools (BU, Syracuse, that level), my parents refused to spend a penny on my education and, back in the 1970’s, I had no clue about finding merit money anywhere. I was a commended student and a NYS Regents’ Scholarship winner, so there might have been some for me somewhere. I lived at home and commuted. I counted the days till graduation, which I didn’t attend. Then, I went to law school, which were the best three years of my educational life.
However, without a doubt, young adulthood was way better. Having money of my own and working at a job and in a career that I loved was so wonderful. I had my kids in my 30’s and now, as I approach 60, I am looking towards retirement and the next phase of life. Even though I had a horrible college experience, I have had a pretty good career and adult life.
Do what you need to do to get that nursing degree and license and then, enjoy life on your own terms.
I have a theory that kids who had an amazing high school experience have a more difficult time finding that amazing experience in college. Most people are glad to get out of high school and never look back. That makes it easier for the next experience to be better. But for those who had it going on in high school - hard to duplicate. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and you’ve analyzed your situation quite well. You’re doing what you can. Hang in there.
I also think college is harder than ever. Many of us who have told your generation that college is the best time of your life went to school in the 80s. The 1980s were amazing! No personal devices! It was so much easier to meet people and everyone was constantly interacting. Not so much for your generation. Technology was also just getting started so IMHO, classes were easier! I truly believe college and high school students today (and the work world for that matter) is much harder and more demanding because technology allows a faster pace and more work production. We’ve also moved into a “standards based education” which made high school harder and filtered into the college system as well. Again, just my observations and opinions.
It will get better for you I’m sure! You’re already noticing every semester can be different.
There’s no one size fits all hard and fast rule to any part of life. Talk to new grandparents and ask them what was the best time of their lives. Chances are they’ll say they are living it.
College has changed me drastically. I’ve written in here before, but I think I am going to do it more now because I don’t know, getting advice from strangers and venting makes me feel better lol. Basically, high school, I had the time of my life, I had a great group of friends, and I literally was friends with everyone in my grade. I was doing varsity tennis, I would go to out with friends every weekend, had a great job, did average in school, had the best boyfriend,I had everything I needed and had great relationships with my teachers. I loved high school and I do miss it, but I have realized that at some point you need to grow up and grow out of high school and become an adult. Anyways, I digress on my high school life.
Then I went to college, everything was the opposite. Literally everything in my life was going great until I went to this college. And of course, I was so excited to go to college, I had the highest expectations you could ever imagine, but of course we all think college is a lot better than it actually is right? My first semester was terrible, but usually it is for everyone so Ive moved on from that, my second semester was great, I actually started to like it here, I made friends with my suit mates and we became really close, we went to parties, and were always in the study room talking instead of actually studying, I didn’t want to leave college. And then, 2/3 of those girls transferred. The only reason I still attend this school is because it has a good academic reputation and I will hopefully get into a good grad school because of it. But yeah, now I am in my sophomore year and I am in a slump. The girl I room with I was friends with last year and we got along good, but living with her is just different, I like her and she is far from a terrible roommate, but she is literally addicted to her phone and it gets annoying and her mood swings are concerning. But, she’s really all I have, I don’t have any friends here anymore, and I mean it sucks sometimes and I do get lonely, but then I get over it and focus on myself, I like being alone but not all the time. I will eventually join a club, but I want to be a nurse so my courses are tough and I also work a lot, so I am in the process of trying to better myself. Most of my friends stay home and commute and I miss them so much, so much I wish I could just go back home and commute too, but I have convinced myself to stick it out because I know it will pay off in the long run, I am a little shy, but not once you get to know me, It is honestly just hard to make friends here, believe me when I say the girls are stuck up, and the boys literally are just air heads who don’t care about anything except looks, I also go to school in a wealthy area so that is probably why. I am a nice person, I guess I just have a hard time making friends when it comes to college. But really all I do, is go to work and study, and I am getting bored, I mean I am 19 and I feel like I am a boring 40 year old, I just really want to have an exciting life before I do get old and have kids. Please tell me someone relates to my situation. If you read this far, I appreciate you 