College Tour Bingo

Parent Cafe
41

^^^^. Me too. Have lived in the area for 55 years. Remember when it was dry! I wonder what the tour guides said about that! Lol.

42

Yeah, but there was a liquor store that delivered :-).

43

One word - holistic. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that word during an admissions presentation


44

In regards why some colleges have fraternity houses but not sorority houses, a more logical explanation is that the fraternities were established first, and took over the most suitable houses many years ago. Then the sororities were established, and there were few suitable houses left. At the same time, property values in many areas increased to the point where it was not affordable for a student group to afford the mortgage on a large house near a college.

Zoning laws have also become stricter over the last 30 years in most places. Therefore, it may have been easy to find a place for a fraternity house decades ago, but now many communities prohibit fraternity and sorority houses and rooming houses in most areas.

At one college, there were fraternities in college-owned houses. However, each of the fraternities over the years got in trouble with the college administration and was kicked out of their house. Each house was turned over to a sorority to rent. Now, there are 6 sorority houses, but no sorority houses. However, now one of the sorority just was kicked out of its house. (The fraternities now operate out of off–campus party houses that they cannot call a fraternity house. )

45

Typo in above post. It should say"Now, there are 6 sorority houses, but no fraternity houses."

46

Whether or not you actually visit the rec center, there will be specific mention of the amazing __ foot climbing wall.

“We just want your application to tell us who you are”

My favorite comment that should be on every admissions visit – “I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships – they’re not applying to __________, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

47

Re the “ghost in the library”: at a school where I worked in the library we discovered that not only did the student not die in the library, she was still alive in her nineties.

48

This thread should be a sticky!

It was a good laugh reading it this morning, that’s for sure. :slight_smile:

49

College Tour Bingo

-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

50

Our professors are required to have office hours.
amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

Community Colleges require profs to have office hours so why do they brag about it? Love that someone included the rock climbing wall. I always wonder what percent of the kids ever use the rock climbing wall and how many use it more than once in 4 years.

51

-Our students come from all over the world. We have 45 states and 89 countries represented here!
-We have over x hundred clubs on campus!
-Our professors are required to have office hours.
-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

52

-We have a saying/Our motto “Work hard, play hard”

-Our students come from all over the world. We have 45 states and 89 countries represented here!
-We have over x hundred clubs on campus!
-Our professors are required to have office hours.
-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

53

-You hear “don’t worry, if you’re admitted we will make it affordable for everyone”, you look around a hear a collective sign of relief from the 17 year old students who are comforted by the nonsense, then look and see terror on the faces of their parents as they digest the total costs
-the student tour guide downplays all ‘extra’ costs, such as the $3K / year adder for the newest dorm, extra $1K for unlimited meals, etc etc as if it was nothing. Then you realize it probably is nothing to him until he has to restart paying student loans 6 years from now, or his parents get the unexpectedly higher bills in the mail
-Our students come from all over the world. We have 45 states and 89 countries represented here!
-We have over x hundred clubs on campus!
-Our professors are required to have office hours.
-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

54

I love this thread. For students who can’t do college tours, this is is a great way to experience it vicariously. All you Int’l applicant and folks with parents who can’t afford/cut loose for this experience, read the list, multiply by however many schools you are applying to, and then nod sagely when your class-mates talk about their college visits. You’ve ‘been there, done that.’ Now buy the t-shirt over the internet, and it’s all over except for the actual application.

55

-our professors can take students out for lunch/coffee and the school will pay for it!
-our school is really unique because of [tour guide then describes a thing that you’ve heard other schools on other tours describe as unique to them]
-we really offer the best of both worlds here. Not too big/small, urban/suburban/rural, sporty/non-sporty, preppy/non-preppy etc. etc. etc.
-We have greek life here but it doesn’t dominate. It is there if you are interested, but it is fine if you aren’t.
-sure kids here party, but we have lots of activities for kids who don’t drink. I have several friends who are not party-ers!

-You hear “don’t worry, if you’re admitted we will make it affordable for everyone”, you look around a hear a collective sign of relief from the 17 year old students who are comforted by the nonsense, then look and see terror on the faces of their parents as they digest the total costs
-the student tour guide downplays all ‘extra’ costs, such as the $3K / year adder for the newest dorm, extra $1K for unlimited meals, etc etc as if it was nothing. Then you realize it probably is nothing to him until he has to restart paying student loans 6 years from now, or his parents get the unexpectedly higher bills in the mail
-Our students come from all over the world. We have 45 states and 89 countries represented here!
-We have over x hundred clubs on campus!
-Our professors are required to have office hours.
-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-Questions from parents inquiring about things that could easily be gleaned in two seconds from looking at the college website.
-Q&A time dominated by parents asking excruciatingly specific questions that would apply to no one else – "would my son be able to triple major in astrophysics, gender studies and film while also living in the Arabic culture house and also have the cafeteria accommodate his kosher gluten-free vegan peanut allergy dietary requirements?

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

56

I find this thread hilarious.

I’m probably drifting too far off topic, but it’s like the inverse of the college essay thread where applicants have to “find your unique voice and tell your own story.”

If the 3000 ish colleges can’t come up with a unique story, how are our kids supposed to be “unique” in a crowd 2,000,000 each year?

57

It’s summer college visit season!

58

-Witty derogatory remark about school’s main sports rival
-our professors can take students out for lunch/coffee and the school will pay for it!
-our school is really unique because of [tour guide then describes a thing that you’ve heard other schools on other tours describe as unique to them]
-we really offer the best of both worlds here. Not too big/small, urban/suburban/rural, sporty/non-sporty, preppy/non-preppy etc. etc. etc.
-We have greek life here but it doesn’t dominate. It is there if you are interested, but it is fine if you aren’t.
-sure kids here party, but we have lots of activities for kids who don’t drink. I have several friends who are not party-ers!
-You hear “don’t worry, if you’re admitted we will make it affordable for everyone”, you look around a hear a collective sign of relief from the 17 year old students who are comforted by the nonsense, then look and see terror on the faces of their parents as they digest the total costs
-the student tour guide downplays all ‘extra’ costs, such as the $3K / year adder for the newest dorm, extra $1K for unlimited meals, etc etc as if it was nothing. Then you realize it probably is nothing to him until he has to restart paying student loans 6 years from now, or his parents get the unexpectedly higher bills in the mail
-Our students come from all over the world. We have 45 states and 89 countries represented here!
-We have over x hundred clubs on campus!
-Our professors are required to have office hours.
-amazing __ foot climbing wall.
-the architects forgot to account for the weight of the books and so our library is sinking X feet per year.
-You can do research with faculty
-Famous alumni
-Bazillions of majors
-Student parking (but maybe not for freshmen)
-Study Abroad in many exciting places
-Take the shuttle bus into town
-Undergoing construction
-Our professors really care about students
-Fraternities and sororities
-Campus bucks work in laundry room & snack bar
-Health and Counseling Services
-We’ve been around for a long, long time
-Dorms are really nice (especially for upperclassmen)
-Career Services will help you get a job
-Interesting traditions
-Tasty options at the dining hall
-A cappella groups
-Wireless network
-Our campus is so green that 1) we generate X% of our own power via wind and 2) we don’t allow or sell plastic water bottles on campus. You can refill your REUSABLE bottle up at the filling stations on campus.

  • When the school was built they didn’t pave the pathways in the main quad but waited until the students foot traffic indicated where the paths should obviously be placed
    -Sings fight song/points out mascot and tells story of its origins
    -Parent asks “How can you expect my son to have top grades, top test scores, PLUS have extra curricular activities?”
    -We are going to show you the worst dorm. If you can live there, you can live in any of our dorms.
    -The school sets up a buffet in the library all night during finals
    -Parent asks “Will students who are not wealthy feel comfortable here?”
    -Tour guide: “I did not want to come here, but like
it’s the only school that took me.”
    -Parent mentions in a loud voice that son/daughter is a soccer/field hockey/lacrosse/track superstar
    -This is the statue that everyone touches for good luck during finals/this is the college seal that will give you bad luck if you step on it
    -Parent or kid asks if it’s better to get B’s in honors/AP classes or A’s in regular classes. Answer: “It’s better to get A’s in honors/AP classes.”
    -We have a tradition of throwing people in the pool/pond/fountain on ___ occasion
    -Special housing/honors program will make large campus feel small
    -Special speakers, bands, activities, clowns make small campus feel large
    -Tour guide begins introduction with his/her/zi’s preferred pronoun.
    -If your roommate commits suicide you get a 4.0 for the semester (said while explaining that it’s not a stressful environment and that the university offers awesome mental health services)
  • after 11 pm all-entry Greek parties unify the campus
  • X building looks just like Hogwarts
    -Sororities can’t have houses because of local laws that if there are more than X women living together it’s a brothel
    -Parent(s) and kid start bickering
    -Parent asks about prevalence of drinking/drugs on campus
    -There is a ghost in the library
    -If there is no club xyz you can start one and apply for funding
    -A mom on the tour is shocked and appalled at coed bathrooms and embarrasses her child by commenting loudly on it
    -Explaining in detail the Blue Light system.
    -One Cards you use for the dining center, bookstore, cafe/coffeeshop, library, access to dorms and academic buildings, laundry. Bonus points for the clueless tour guide who mentions it is all “free” (meaning Bank of Mom & Dad is paying for it and student is clueless about the charges showing up on their bill).
    -Comment by tour guide about walking backward and letting him/her know if in danger
    -If our library doesn’t have a book you need, they will request that it be sent from another library
    -Bon Appetit is the dining halls’ caterer
    -Windmills/solar generate some percentage of the school’s energy needs
    -You can take classes at _____ (where that is a school that is a PITA to get to/get into classes at)
    -You can design your own major we we don’t offer it
    -Tunnels or other underground “secret” areas that students don’t enter “wink wink”.
    -Swim test/requirement started because of donation of sizable sum in the early 20th c. by bereft parents whose child attended said university and later drowned as a young adult (double bonus points if the tour guide says that the drowning occurred when the Titanic sank)
    -Fun,quirky tradition of letting out a collective primal scream/naked run at midnight the night before finals start
    -Paint statue,fence, monument and camp overnight to defend it tradition
    -Visiting-puppies-for-finals therapy
    -Quidditch team
    -LEED-certified science building
    -Graduated library quiet floors (quieter as you go from main)
    -Students walking professors’ dogs or babysitting their kids as examples of how accessible they are
    -Use of the word “awesome.”

In the Info Session

-Questions from parents inquiring about things that could easily be gleaned in two seconds from looking at the college website.
-Q&A time dominated by parents asking excruciatingly specific questions that would apply to no one else – "would my son be able to triple major in astrophysics, gender studies and film while also living in the Arabic culture house and also have the cafeteria accommodate his kosher gluten-free vegan peanut allergy dietary requirements?

-“We just want your application to tell us who you are”
-use of the term “holistic”
-“I’m sure your parents have done many amazing things and overcome many significant obstacles or hardships - they’re not applying to _____, please don’t make your essay about those things.”

59

“That parent” on the college tour who analyzes things out loud, gets semi-belligerent with tour guides and staff, and seems like a know it all.

Could hit bingo with nearly every college visit with that one.

Don’t be “that parent.”

60

And this is Free.
(The word is included in the overpriced tuition)