college visits--being realistic

Parents Forum
1

<p>We visited several colleges with our older D during the fall of her junior year (her school has a week long fall break) which helped in deciding where to make applications. She chose to attend the state flagship university because of the major program she chose--we could not have afforded the private OOS. She got some merit aid but not enough to offset the cost for us.</p>

<p>Our younger D is now a junior and wants to go to school in the East. She knows this would be a financial challenge for us. She will apply to the state universities and choose OOS schools, too. Her reason for going East is that she wants to live there and not here. </p>

<p>Do we go to the expense of traveling and visits now? She wants to research her list of schools and then apply to those she likes and then visit if she is accepted. I don't even know where to begin in deciding where to visit. </p>

<p>Do we even go that far? She is hoping to get some merit aid, but I am not hopeful about that. I don't think it's fair to get the hopes up when you know you are going to say no. I have told her what we can afford. She is willing to take out loans, but she has no clue as to what that means upon graduation.</p>

<p>Thanks for the input...I am more stressed about college for this child than the first one!</p>

2

<p>I'd stick to your d's plan. As financial issues may come into play, you may not want to "overly" encourage her plan to attend OOS U's by visiting the campuses beforehand. If she is willing to put off the visit until she gets accepted, I'd follow her lead.</p>

<p>Now since you have a whole slew of east coast parents on board, do you want to share some info about your d so we might offer some suggestions?? In my neck of the woods on Long Island, some popular State U's include U of Maryland, Delaware, Connec. I hear U of Pittsburg is somewhat generous with merit money. SUNY tuition, even for OOS is reasonable ($11,000).<br>
UVA and William and Mary (ok it's southeast) are great schools for the high achieving kid.
One last suggestion- there is a company (I think collegiatechoice ??) where you can get videos of campus tours. Some of the videos are over 90 minutes long as they videotaped a campus tour. It's a decent and cheap way to get an initial impression of a college. Good luck. I'll try to get the name of the website and I'll add the info to this posting.</p>

<p>yup- it's <a href="http://www.collegiatechoice.com%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.collegiatechoice.com&lt;/a> it's walking tours of many campuses throughout the US. The U of Maryland tape is 108 minutes- so it really is a good way to get a feel of the campus.</p>

<p>I know there are many parents who will insist that it may be cheaper to go to a private school and hope for merit $ , but unless your kid is considerably above the average student, or your income is quite low, the public U's seem to be a better financial deal for most of us. There are some reasonably piced U's in the east (York in Pa or Wells in NYS) but those "bargains" are few and far between.</p>

3

<p>We found University of South Carolina to be very generous with OOS merit money depending on scores and grades. They added music money in after the audition, too. Was not an either or situation, and as soon as you were awarded at least $500 in merit, they reduced tuition to in state levels. It would have been cheaper to send DD there than to an in state school. None of the privates came close. And it is a lovely campus, friendly, with some renowned programs, depending on your area of interest. </p>

<p>We gave DD a financial target of what we would contribute. She knew when she applied to privates that the constraints were there. When some of those did not come through with sufficient merit money, she knew they were no longer in consideration, including her original top choice. She still still had several excellent choices and is completely thrilled with her final choice. It actually suits her better than her original top choice.</p>

<p>Since we had to deal with auditions, DD agreed that visits would be limited to that time until final decision. Then we sent her to the top three in April for her to do that. Your D's plan is sound. Just be clear about your parameters early.</p>

4

<p>The previously posters gave such excellent advice I don't have much to add except extra info. about SUNY's. Geneseo, Purchase and New Paltz are three LAC like campuses that offer a great deal financially. As stated above, SUNY OOS is less expensive than many in-state schools. For unis, SUNY Stony Brook is close enough to NYC for a day trip on the train. Train station basically at edge of campus. SUNY Bing is another favorite with NYS students.</p>

<p>Good luck to your D!</p>

5

<p>I'll second that visiting isn't necessary before acceptance. My d visited her current school only after she got in, and discovered she loved it. She's quite happy there now.</p>

6

<p>Your approach is just what we are planning. Our daughter is interested in schools all over the map geographically and to visit all of them would be quite expenseive and time consuming. Since many are quite selective, we're going to utilize the common app as much as possible and submit many applications, see what acceptances come through, then make spring visits to decide. Hope this strategy is the right one. We worry a bit that by not visiting she won't be showing sufficient interest in some schools, but she is making sure to attend local info sessions and interview whenever possible. Good luck to your D. It's good that she's flexible in her thinking. I really feel badly for families with kids who are completely fixated on just one school.</p>

7

<p>If D's going East would be a financial challenge for you, it's important that you let your D know an annual amount that you'd be willing to pay for her college, and also let her know that should your family's finances run into problems (such as due to unexpected medical bills, etc.), you may not be able to afford even that.</p>

<p>As for her traveling to see the colleges, I say let her see the colleges after she's accepted and knows what her merit aid would be. There's plenty of info about colleges including DVDs that she can get without visiting.</p>

<p>IMO her wanting to live in another part of the country is not a good reason for you to stretch your budget. If she wants to live elsewhere, she always can do that in grad school on her own dime or after college when she gets a job.</p>

<p>Since she has rather expensive college desires, I also think it would be appropriate for her to be working part time during the school year and fulltime during the summer to help fund her college dreams. She also needs to do whatever she can to get herself into position for merit aid, including researching merit aid including colleges offering it.</p>

<p>Also keep in mind the extra expenses in transportation and wardrobe that would be necessary if she goes to college far from home. You also may not be able to afford to do things like participate in parents weekends and help her move into college.</p>

8

<p>I agree with the above posters in setting a limit on what amount you are willing to contribute. I think this is an excellent decision, and you are wise to consider the "what ifs" (your DD gets in, and you can't afford it?) It's best to bring the finances to the forefront now to avoid misunderstandings and heartbreak in April. Your D's college choice must be a family decision. It makes no sense to travel thousands of miles to schools you know you cannot afford.</p>

9

<p>Not sure where out west you're coming from, but I'd also advise that if D is looking in the Northeast, you come visit during winter. My niece (from Denver) loved her time at Smith, but swears she's done with this section of the country. We love it, but it's much different from the snow you may have. Perhaps a holiday trip during her senior year would be good, or better yet, try us out in February.</p>

<p>If you visit in autumn, then you will all fall in love with our changing seasons. This time of year we put on our finest display.</p>

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<p>Will you be eligible for need-based aid?</p>

11

<p>speech quote: Her reason for going East is that she wants to live there and not here. Do we go to the expense of traveling and visits now? </p>

<p>My older D insisted that she wanted to go somewhere in the NE, but it was also obvious that she had no idea how much it all would cost - tuition, room, board, books, travel, expenses, and so forth. (we would not qualify for F/A). Every time she would mention interest in a particular college, we would go to the website to get the particulars on total cost. As others have mentioned on this board, it is important to look at the actual costs of the dorms and food plans that your child would like - because prices within the college will often vary depending on type of dorm (newness, bathroom situation, remodeled, etc). </p>

<p>Once my D got past the idea of student loans (she threw a fit, at first, when we told her that we would not take out loans), that she may need to take out loans for grad/prof school, and that we would only pay for the cost of what it would cost at a local public, then she became more reasonable. (we have other children that will soon follow her to college so we have to be careful.) </p>

<p>We visited several of our publics, as well as some OOS publics that were willing to waive OOS costs because of her stats. After visiting about 8 or 9 colleges, she settled on one of our state's publics (the flagship) because of acceptance into its very good honors program.</p>

<p>I agree that you shouldn't get her "hopes up" by visiting schools that will be not be affordable - even with some merit $$. </p>

<p>Have you been clear with her about how much you can comfortably pay? Does she understand the full cost of attendance (take her to the websites and show her how the costs add up (for the dorm she would want and for the food plan she would want, etc)</p>

<p>As far as wanting to live in the East - she can always move there when she graduates ( when she can pay for it completely with money that she has earned - not borrowed.). </p>

<p>AND... I certainly would not support the idea of paying higher tuition OOS at another state's public if my own publics were just as good or just about as good. </p>

<p>There are some publics that will give OOS merit money (either a specific dollar amount or the benefit of "in state rates) - but many publics are being forced to "tighten up" on OOS merit money AND even OOS admissions by their state legislatures. Unfortunately, since your D is only a junior, you won't know if a school's scholarship policies will tighten when it comes time for her to apply. </p>

<p>I noticed that our own state public recently raised it's "qualifications" for OOS stodents to only have to pay instate rates to ACT 32 (used to be 30) and SAT 1400 equivalents. The only scholarship for OOS that hasn't changed is the one for NMF which still get tuition, housing, etc. .</p>

<p>AND... I wouldn't support the idea of her taking out any loans just so she can spend unnecessary money. Since you say that she is unrealistic about what all that means, I would definitely say "no".</p>

12

<p>"that she wants to live there and not here"</p>

<p>That is not a reason for college choice. That can easily be done after undergrad.....</p>

<p>She needs to do the finanical research and put it together. Let her do the footwork. The reason I say this is sometimes kids put off the actual doing by creating a situation that involves more wealth than the family has. </p>

<p>If she really wants to go east, have her put together things now. If she does the work, consider a spring break on the east coast that works around visists. We did this for the AZ schools she was interested in, a week with a few visits sandwiched around the pool and sightseeing gave everybody alittle bit of what they wanted to see. </p>

<p>If she does the footwork, make it a working vacation...</p>

13

<p>opie quote "If she does the footwork,"</p>

<p>This also suggests that if you tell her to get a job now to save for some of this, the reality of that may smack her into reality.</p>

<p>As to letting her do the financial research footwork... that may work .... or she may drag her feet because she wants to be "in denial" about how much it all would cost. And, then you still have to listen to her unreasonable dreams. That is why I would suggest sitting at the computer with her and going through each East coast college choice. make a chart and have her fill it in as the two of you college surf.</p>

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<p>An additional thing for her to consider, when she does travel there, how far away it is, how long it takes to get there, and how expensive. DD loves where she is and would not choose otherwise. She is pretty independent and makes friends easily. But the distance and limited amount of time she can home sometimes makes her envy her friends who chose closer. And she at least is somewhere where she can get direct relatively cheap flights. Not everywhere is that easy. It did help eliminate one of her choices when we visited because it was so much further and difficult to get to.</p>

15

<p>Singersmom07 makes a very good point about trips home. There are many circumstances in which this becomes an issue. DD's friend from home died last year, the second semester of her soph year. Those who were close enough, though scattered at all different schools, came home for the wake and memorial service. The funeral was private. DD said she would not have been able to get through the sadness without the support of her other friends. It was so strange, because one of them had just died and another was pregnant and about to be married. They really were not children anymore.</p>

<p>On the issue of money: We live on LI and DS's final choice came down to two schools -- one in Chicago and another in MA. He chose the MA school, great, wonderful. The very silly thing we discovered is that with inexpensive flights on Southwest airlines it actually costs less and takes less time to get to Chicago than to get to MA whether we're considering pubic transportation or driving. LOL. (Doesn't matter, just in interesting factoid to figure into the equation.)</p>

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<p>"As to letting her do the financial research footwork... that may work .... or she may drag her feet because she wants to be "in denial" about how much it all would cost"</p>

<p>With the denial part, I usually handled it by how's it going and what have you got for me? Our job is to poke and poke some more. Especially where travel is concerned, simply to book hotels and airfare... </p>

<p>In the end with my D's final choice, she had to weigh out the options and their impact on her "wishful" vs. "real life" thinking. She had to make the hard choices as I simply said, "I do not want you six months from now telling me how "I" made you go here over there."</p>

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<p>I respectfully disagree with the posters who say that "wanting to live in another area of the country is not a good reason to stretch your budget."</p>

<p>What better time in your life to try something new? If you've lived your whole life in one little corner of the world, why not broaden your horizons? College is a great time to do that. By it's nature, it's temporary. If you hate it, you can transfer. Or you can spend your four years and then return home. If you love it, it's easier to find a job near your college then to job hunt from halfway across the country; college career placement offices often have excellent local contacts, internships, etc. If you wait to move until you're working, you may have to sell a house and uproot your whole family - only to find out the other part of the country didn't really have greener grass after all.</p>

<p>I don't see that OOS tuition on one coast is substantially higher than the other coast (I could be wrong, though). Unless you're comparing it with in-state tuition, the major difference between OOS next door and OOS across the country may just be the travel costs. </p>

<p>(I will concede that OOS tuitions vary greatly between northeast and southeast, but if your daughter wants to come "east" then look at Virginia and the Carolinas instead of New England.)</p>

<p>As to your original question, if you really use websites and ask the colleges to put you in touch with local alumni, you may be able to narrow your list without travelling. After the acceptances arrive and you get a FA figure, then travel to the ones that seem most realistic. Most colleges understand that not everyone can travel from far away for a visit.</p>

18

<p>OOS tuition is sky high in Va!! Much more expensive than NY state.
but going to the "school on the east coast", is hardly reflective of east coast living--</p>

<p>Trust me, living in Binghamton NY is nothing like living in NYC or Boston.
I don't think we heard from OP in a while so I'm not going to knock myself out- but if d wants to go to school near NYC, you may want to consider Stony Brook, Purchase or Montclair in NJ, Hunter Honors (they may have dorms ??)</p>

<p>near Philly- is Temple and West Chester.</p>

<p>near DC is George Mason and U of Md.</p>

<p>I am sure there are a host of others, but that's enough to think about for now</p>