thank you everyone for the replies! it’s been lots of help.
so to summarize my best looking options are
-UW Seattle (this was my “safety” plan)
-Liberal arts with good astronomy and aid ex: whitman
-western undergrad exchange (UW is better so probably won’t do this)
Question to mamaedefamilia
how exactly does the in state tuition for u. or arizona work? links?
If you really want to know what the financial aid looks like, go to each college’s web site and look for its Net Price Calculator. Use it to get an estimate of financial aid.
For out-of-state public universities, expect little or no financial aid (although their list prices may be lower than those of private universities, University of Hawaii offers the WUE discount, and some may offer merit scholarships).
Even when the UCs did offer some financial aid to out-of-state students, they did not offer any to cover the out-of-state additional tuition ($25,000 or so at the time), so a maximum-financial-need out-of-state student would still have been looking at an unaffordable $33,000 or so net price if s/he did not get any merit scholarships (which were/are not that common at UCs).
If you live in Washington, what is wrong with University of Washington and Washington State University?
Oops, I was writing too quickly - I meant to say Arizona State University, not U of Arizona. Barrett Honors is at ASU.
Sorry for the error!
For ASU: https://scholarships.asu.edu/scholarship/1730
For U of New Mexico: https://scholarship.unm.edu/scholarships/non-resident.html
IMO, UW is a better school than UNM overall, but I couldn’t say for your major. I bet there are more cloudless nights in NM than in Seattle, though! 
When does your brother graduate?
in two years i believe.
Yes, UW is a good school in astronomy, but if I can, i would like the chance to go OOS with new people to receive astronomy education that is higher quality. Also, Washington is cloudy, and universities like arizona or hawaii have excellent equipment in clear weather.
You can get FULL TUITION guaranteed at University of Alabama. They have astronomy as a major.
When you are looking at costs…look at the TOTAL cost of attendance. Yes, U of H Manoa has $15,000 a year tuition but add in room/board and transportation. It’s not like you can commute from home.
Are you referring to the high school senior idea that “so many people you know will go to [insert university name here] that it’ll be like high school all over again, so you just MUST go out of state”?
Adding to the choir…there will be tons of NEW people to meet at any one of your instate options…for a fraction of the cost.
You really need to clarify what your parents WILL pay every year. And as I suggested earlier…cast a wide net. Include at least two sure thing and affordable schools that you like. Pick those FIRST. Then look for those match and reach schools. They can be matches and reaches for financial too.
Is it smart to apply to truly reach schools ? I’m considering 4 reach school CalTech MIT Wesleyan maybe UCB
Well I guess I’m asking, What is the specific definition of reach? A college you have little chance in? Or like you are 50th percentile in test score and you have high competition?
I don’t quite understand your question OP, and the answers you are receiving also
seem to reflect that confusion.
You or your dad needs to run the calculators on these schools and see what they show. Then your dad needs to communicate whether or not he can afford those amounts,
It’s the net number that is important. Whether it’s merit or need. However you get to your number. Perhaps it will be a merit scholarship at a school you are over their stats. Or maybe it’s aid for the years your brother is in school.
Too much we don’t know to truly guide you. And it is about you. What package will they give you. Cast a wide net at schools that have the best chance of being affordable and where you will get in and be happy.
Ok, thank you very much for that reply.
I would go on your high school’s naviance and look at the acceptances and rejections for your reach schools, they might give you a better picture. Then if there is any chance, do the net price calculators.
I don’t understand how a student with your stats and in-state for UWashington Seattle would contemplate going to Uhawai’i.
Apply to WWU and WSU on top of UW, add Whitman.
From your list, cross all OOS colleges except for UGA and OSU (assuming Ohio State, unless you mean Oregon State?)
For OOS, look at Cal Poly SLO, it’ll be high quality and cheaper than a UC.
Seconding Case Western, UAlabama Honors, and ASU Barrett.
Look into HarveyMudd if you’re hardcore science?
Run the NPC on USC, Carleton, Grinnell?
Until your father has spelled out how much he can pay out of pocket (without loans), you don’t know how much he can afford. And if he took a loan for your sibling at NYU, you’re out of luck - in families where the parents have to take a loan for the older sibling, the younger sibling often gets less than would have been expected had the contribution for both been thought of. If your father pays 70K (full pay) for your brother, does he have enough for you? How much? Few families can afford to spend 100-120K each year for their child’s education.
You can get a 5.5K federal loan. Everything else will either be merit aid or need-based aid.
OP is interested in astronomy. There are awesome telescopes in Hawaii. Academically it makes sense, financially not so sure.
OP would get the WUE rate at Hawaii.
Sounds like a fabulous option.
Actually, the astronomy major is only in the WUE rate at Hilo, not Manoa.
I think that ASU Barrett would be as cheap or perhaps even cheaper than WUE, at least as good for astronomy, and overall better than WUE Hilo. There’s also UArizona Honors. OP can then go to Manoa for grad school. 
I know a student who just went to U Wyoming for Astronomy. Also just found a convo that contained these recommendations:
I don’t think I’d recommend a program that is still in development.
Still depending on your family income and asset, but you may be surprised by how generous UMich is even to OOS students these days. Try their NPC.