<p>I know this is the parents forum and I am a student, but since you guys are the parents, you would all most likely know the best out of anybody...</p>
<p>I could tell that my mom is very scared about me going off to college (don't know so much about my dad)... I am her first born (although not first kid, but the first to do something with my life if that makes any sense). I can sense as the days are approaching to my leaving home that she is getting very worried. Worried in all sorts of ways- my interactions with girls (as I am on a co-ed wing in my dorm), how I will take care of myself (I think it is the least, but still a worry nonetheless), and probably the biggest is that empty space in her life now.</p>
<p>Any advice from the parents?
Thanks for reading :)</p>
<p>I can't tell you what will work for your Mom, but I can tell you what would make me feel a lot better next year when my daughter is getting ready to leave for college: </p>
<ul>
<li><p>You asking for some last minute advice, even about small things (:Mom can you show me how to sew on a button?:) and listening to what I have to say.</p></li>
<li><p>You making time to spend just with me, even though you're busy saying goodbye to your friends. Perhaps a nice lunch alone, just sitting at the kitchen table for a few hours, or just hanging out. </p></li>
<li><p>Your reassurance that you will keep in touch and fill me in on your life so there won't be such a huge hole when you leave. Let me know you'll call, send emails, maybe even IM.</p></li>
<li><p>A nice letter thanking me for all of the help/support I've given you over the years, and reminding me that the reason you KNOW you'll be OK in college is because you've had such a great mom who prepared you so well.</p></li>
<li><p>Lots of hugs and kisses. Lots.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>If you sense she's afraid, then talk with her about it. Do it at a moment when you feel confident and in good humor. There's a good chance she's not talking much about how she feels, because she doesn't want to rain on your parade. </p>
<p>My daughter is leaving in about ten days, and it's the craziest mix of feelings I've ever had. Fortunately we've all had a chance to see and talk about what each of us is feeling. </p>
<p>It's going to hurt, and you can't change that, nor can you fix it so she's not afraid. That's all built into the situation. However, talking about it can help clear the air so there's more room to appreciate what you have, and what you will continue to have together.</p>
<p>The fact that you are aware of your mom's feelings makes it clear that you are a kind, sensitive person and, I'm guessing, have a good,close relationship with your mom. My oldest chid is also leaving for school and he knows that, while it makes me sad to see him go, my overwhelming feeling is excitement for him as he enters this new stage of life. </p>
<p>As you prepare to leave, spend a few minutes now and then talking to her about the feelings you both have. And reassure her that you will stay in touch. I like knowing that I will be able to talk with my son on the computer, even if its just for a minute, to say hi and find out something he's been doing.</p>
<p>In the end though, your mom is going to have to find a way to deal with her feelings of separation and her worries. And you should concentrate on all your new experiences, challenges and responsibilities at school. You're doing well at school will be the best thing for her as well!</p>
<p>It's wonderful of you to be concerned about your mom. Other posters have given you great advice. You can also tell your mom that you'll be looking forward to her emails and phone calls (suggest a regular time for calling). Tell her you look forward to seeing her on parents weekend, Thanksgiving, etc... it will make the separation look less final. Make it clear that her advice is still important to you in big and small ways (without making it look that you're hapless and clueless, in which case she's going to worry even more).
Good luck to you and to your parents.</p>
<p>You are a great kid to be so perceptive and caring!
These are things that helped me when D left for freshman year.We agreed on a plan where she would be available sometime once a week to get/make a phone call home..Sunday nights worked for us.I didnt know at the time Im's would be so important but I like when she does keep in touch that way and doesn't ignore/block me.When you leave an away message up,make it descriptive..like at the library,dinner,etc not just "Im away" you'd be surprised how much that little snippet of info can mean to a parent!
D left a message on her "white board" that was i her room here at home ..like a letter someone else mentioned..thanking us for being the best parents ever.I cried when I saw it and have not erased it (4 years and a graduation later).In fact I thing I should find a way (like shellac?) to preserve it forever.
Be tolerant of time spent with your Mom..take her to lunch!She'll love it. Ask some advice..like how to do laundry,sew something,cook something.It'll make her feel useful.When you get to campus..be tolerant and don't just run off and ignore her.The urge to hang out and not miss a moment in the dorm will be great but give her some slack.Thats the point in time she'll feel the worst..useless almost,when everything is done roomwise and logistics wise.Give her lots of hugs!!!!!!</p>
<p>I really am confused by threads like this. Why is everyone so scared? There is lots of room in your life for your parents (those that want there to be anyway). I've been gone for 3 years and while I may not call everyday, I call most days. I always have something to ask or tell my mom, she is my absolute best sounding board. I usually touch base before going to sleep because the day just isn't complete without touching home base. </p>
<p>When I go home for breaks, and they're often, I spend tons of time with my parents and love it. I look forward to parents weekend too! My parents have just moved on to new work and interests since they have more time. They're lives are very full and I love to see their new projects and what they call their PC (post children) lives.</p>
<p>Tell your mom how excited you are to go to college and that you really appreciate she's given you the opportunity. Most likely that's what she really cares about.</p>
<p>hopkins,
Your post made me weepy -- not because I'm about to become a half-empty nest, but because of your sensitivity. Judging by your observations & words, the least your Mom should worry about is your "interactions with females" -- as long as you behave responsibly, of course. There is probably not a huge amount you can do about her worries; she will have them regardless, but I like the idea of mentioning them out loud to her; sounds like you have the ability to do just that. (And those reassurances would help me, as a Mom.)</p>
<p>However, you can do much for that "empty" feeling by just keeping in contact via e-mail & phone once you leave, as often as your busy schedule will allow. Frequency is probably more important than length of contact. I myself love those fun & cheery e-cards & stuff for special occasions or surprises.</p>
<p>Your Mom is blessed to have a son so tender.</p>
<p>Not everyone is you or your parents. And not everyone has the same family dynamics you have. It's great you are able to deal with not being in the same place as your parents, that you have a wonderful relationship with them, albeit mostly at a distance.
I was not weepy when S1 went to college and will not be weepy when S2 departs for college in a few weeks (albeit down the road). But that does not prevent me from empathizing with parents who feel the hole left by their college-bound kids or wanting to support kids who want to help their parents deal with that hole.</p>
<p>i leave in 8 days [going from CA to NY =/ ] and i was going to buy my mom one of her favorite things [she likes the swarovski crystal figurines] along with a letter thanking her for all she's done/letting me go to the college of my choice, etc. .........BUT i'm way way way more close to my mom than my dad [he travels a lot...mom's like my best friend] so i dont know what to do for him? a letter? i feel like i'm leaving him out, it's just that i honestly have no idea what i could do... i just dont know. any advice? thanks :)</p>
<p>I second what people have said about what to do when you actually arrive at college. Give your parents tasks to do in setting up your room (if they want to help!)...my dad installed my printer and my mom made my bed. If you have a roommate, suggest that your families eat lunch together with both of you...you'll get to know each other and your parents will be reassured that they aren't leaving you to live with an axe murderer. You have four years to get to know the people at your college, and spending an hour or two extra with your parents won't kill you. I'm not saying that I followed this advice when I started school, but it's true.</p>
<p>Perhaps dads will have suggestions of their own; I would suggest, instead of giving your dad something he may not like or need, schedule a special activity with him.</p>
<p>I'm a student as well... though going into my third year. I too was concerned about how my mom would take me leaving. I wasn't the first but my older brother went to school close by and came home every weekend... I go to school 12 hours away and only come home a few times a year.</p>
<p>The advice so far is all great... let her know that you need her, let her know you love her. Most of the advice is for before/during the first day of school, but one of the best things is to call or email the NEXT day and just let your parents know that you are thinking of them... thank them for helping you set up and prepare for school and let them know that although you'll be busy the next few days you'll try to be in touch and remain part of eachothers lives.</p>
<p>Does your mom work? My D just offered to bring me lunch to work one day next week. What a super gesture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pay back for the many times I did that for her.</p>