So the end of march is here and decisions are being sent out. Some of my friends are getting rejected by schools they really want to attend, and I’m findnig myself at a lost of things to say to comfort them.
“They dont’ deserve you” or “You’ll be attending a better school in August” sound almost like mocking them?
What would u guys do?
<p>I am well versed on this topic. I think the best way is to say that it's ok and it's only a small part of life because he/she can succeed at any college or etc. say the little things but don't go on about it. Then seriously--shut up!! b/c i think talking about it longer than necessary makes it worse. I got that from experience. I got into my top choices and it was even harder for me. I tried my best to say things but i guess i said the wrong things, esp. as the one who got accepted. ahh. take my advice and shut up b/c that's what i should've done.</p>
<p>Tell them what they really want to hear. You'll be a hit.</p>
<p>Or better yet, just listen. Listening is so therapeutic.</p>
<p>I usually say I'm sorry and then quickly change the subject to another college.</p>
<p>For most people this is the first moment of honest judgement they have ever faced in their lives and this is incredibly stressful. Your parents tell you that you are wonderful and at school too often they are more often concerned with bolstering self-esteem. Finally you have to lay your cards on the table when you apply to college, and you know the adcoms are not going admit people just to avoid hurting their feelings. </p>
<p>Coupled with that is the sense that for the first time doors are closing in your life. In reality doors have been opening and closing all along, you just didn't know it or couldn't change it. When your parents chose to live in Des Moines that foreclosed a chance at a life growing up in in a big city like Manhattan, if you spent all your time after school in gymnastics you probably aren't 1st violin in the orchestra, and so on. But college is a highly visible door; when you enroll in college X it means you will never have a chance to be an undergrad at any of the other thousands of colleges in the country, and there is the haunting thought that maybe you have chosen (or only have available) the wrong door. </p>
<p>But the despair you sometimes sense on boards like this is all to often from the postings of ill-informed kids who are fixated on brand names because they have little or no idea how life really works. They seem to think that if they somehow get accepted to Harvard or Stanford or whatever other high-prestige school you can name that their troubles will all be over, that they will be on a golden path the rest of their life -- guaranteed. Just walk thru the "best" door and then after that everything falls into place. </p>
<p>Too many people never grasp that the whole concept of a door presents a false dichotomy. College choice is a fork in the road, but the idea that when roads split they can never converge again is wrong. Given any goal there are multiple ways to reach it; some no doubt easier than others, but with multiple paths nonetheless. </p>
<p>I don't dispute that you can gain a lot from attending a prestigious college; there is a reason they have earned that prestige. But it is pure folly to think that a fancy college on a diploma guarantees success, or that not attending the "best" dooms you to a life of mediocrity. </p>
<p>I would actually argue that in the long run what will serve you more than one crowning glory at age 18 is an inner sense of resilience; a confidence that you can handle whatever twists and turns that life hands you. Sure its better to get into the school of your dreams, to land a great job, meet a perfect mate, etc. But in the real world there are rejection letters, scheming co-workers playing office politics, and divorces. </p>
<p>It is <em>resilience</em> that will get you thru the ups and downs that life is going to hand you, whether it be not making it "big" in college admissions or some other setback that is sure to show up someday. </p>
<p>There are so many people in this world who have overcome incredible difficulties and made a success of their life; sometimes in monetary terms, but sometimes just in a sense of enjoying the brief stay we have on this planet. Look at the boat people from Vietnam who started with literally the shirt on their back, the people in war-torn parts of the world like Kosovo rebuild after their lives are shattered and friends/family killed in wars, and on and on. Then explain to me again why life just isn't worth living if you only get into a school ranked 200th in the country instead of one in the top 10 (or top 5).</p>
<p>One of my friends has been rejected from two schools that she really wanted to attend, and it is hard as a friend to comfort someone and know the right things to say. She has decided now that she will be attending UMich, and so I just try to talk about UMich all the time and what a great school it is. It has the major that she wants and everything...I'm pretty sure it makes her feel a little better about the situation</p>
<p>mikemac that was an awesome read. thank you for that!</p>
<p>Mikemac, That was so very well put! I want to print it out to show my D's friends when/if they are disapointed after tomorrow.</p>
<p>You are so right! My d has learned more in her life from the disapointments than from the triumphs....and the triumphs become all the more sweet.</p>
<p>thanks for the kind words! This can be a tough time for a lot of people, but they'll get thru it.</p>
<p>I agree that just listening to them is very helpful. Give them a chance to vent, and afterward let them know that you believe in them, and that you know that wonderful people like they are will do well at whatever college is fortunate enough to get them.</p>
<p>For most rejected students, too, the sting lasts only a couple of days. Afterward, they begin to focus on their acceptances, and they see the good points in the choices that they have. As a result, most students who enter college really do feel good about the places they're going to. (And if they end up not liking the college, transfer is always an option! It's not as if they're stuck with the choice forever.)</p>
<p>mikemac, that made me cry (coming from a girl who got rejected from her top three choices). thank you.</p>
<p>david-it might help to say something to your friends along the lines of "college admissions is half luck anyway,"... it may help them to feel that it really wasn't their fault. i know this made me feel better when my friends said it to me, whether it is true or not.</p>
<p>I read somewhere when talented people get rejected from the college they want they call it the Spielberg Syndrome, because one of the most talented filmmakers in the world was rejected from his first choice - the USC Cinema School. </p>
<p>Spielberg after he made it donated money to the USC Cinema School and had the last laugh when they sheepishly accepted his donation. </p>
<p>It could happen to you!</p>
<p>Mike,</p>
<p>I was surprised at how hard my son and his chums took their rejections from Berkeley. There were actually some tears this morning, and this was the first time that I had seen that from my stoic son in quite some time. I think that you were absolutely correct that this is the first time when these bright kids have really faced rejection. It can be a bit shocking to them.</p>
<p>Already, though, the disappointment is passing; today they had a "Berkeley reject breakfast," and although they are not back yet, I suspect (and hope) that the conversation was on the light and humorous side. </p>
<p>I have cautioned my son to take the high road, to not denigrate those who were accepted, and to in fact genuinely congratulate them. Fortunately, he had already figured that out, and that made me all the prouder of him. Tonight we will have a conversation about his other options; as it turns out, the "Berkeley Reject Club" members have all been accepted to other top schools, so as this dawns on them, I think that they will get over their disappointment fairly quickly.</p>
<p>yeah its really tough....this is the first time i've ever seen my boyfriend cry (brown rejection)</p>
<p>mikemac - wonderful post, thanks.</p>