Coming to accept drinking and drinkers

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>DrBatman, that’s why this is so frustrating. I feel that it should be as easy as you make it sound. It isn’t. Why? It doesn’t make sense to me either.</p>

<p>webass, people who hook up with strangers when they’re (both) intoxicated? A little. I have no issues with people having consensual sex (even types that a large portion of society disapproves of, like gay sex) as long as (being college students) their respectful of things like roommate issues, violence and inequalities and are generally responsible in doing whatever they want to do.</p>

<p>bosoxfan1717, thanks! I really like what you said. I’ll keep that in mind and use that as a starting point. :-)</p>

<p>I really appreciate how all of you have shared your views while showing respect for my beliefs. It was what I was hoping to see when I posted my question. </p>

<p>I’m, obviously, going to be thinking about this for a while, but if you have anything more to say, please do! Thank you all for your great, sensitive, thoughtful and helpful comments!</p>

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<p>^In all places the whole 21 years old thing is easy to avoid.</p>

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<p>Not everyone drinks in college. My sister went to UC Berkeley and was teetotal throughout her time there (and since then), and she is quite the socialite; she has more friends than I can count, and I’m a [prospective] math major.</p>

<p>Find people who are like this. I know a lot of hardworking Asian students would not drink, for one thing (not to be racist, of course other people don’t drink as well).
Also don’t be so judgmental. I remember being shocked the first time I heard my sister swear. I don’t anymore, and I even swear myself (I’m not proud of it, but not really ashamed either). Do you get mad when people swear, or do other things that are not “good” but not technically harmful if done in moderation?</p>

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<p>^Does anyone even consider “swearing” bad at our age, lol?</p>

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<p>I’ll admit it - I grew up judging people who drank all throughout high school particularly. I thought it was stupid, I was never a part of it, and my parents never drank (except for my dad - 1 beer a year). But going into college, I made a resolution to be open-minded and not so restricting in my personal ideologies, persay, because I wanted to make more friends. I went into college with the idea that “I’d try drinking once, get a horrible hangover or puke, and then never want to drink again.” Well, I did try drinking and…as the story goes for so many naive college freshmen…I did get a really bad hangover and did puke…but kept on drinking anyways. It is important to note, my friends as a whole love to get drunk on the weekends together, but also excel academically and hold multiple jobs/leadership positions within student organizations. I think drinking is bad when it gets to the point where drinking negatively affects your grades or your ability to hold a job, but believe it or not, many students are capable of balancing work and school with a vibrant social life (that often includes drinking). At this point, I figure…if a student is able to drink copious amounts on the weekend and still keep up in all other aspects of his/her life, the only genuinely negative aspect of drinking is the potential health/alcoholism issues (and then also breaking the law…if under 21). And truth be told - most college students throw the health detriments of alcohol under the rug - the fact is, the large majority of college students stop drinking excessively soon after graduation, eventually settle down and become domesticiled, functioning members of society with few problems of alcoholism/liver dysfunction. When you realize that a significant portion of “high-achieving” society also had their “wild college days” where they drank excessively, partied etc. I think it is a lot easier to “forgive” your friends for drinking in college.</p>

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<p>Part of being in college is keeping an open mind. Accept that other people don’t share the same views as you and try not to be judgmental.</p>

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<p>only if you drink way over your limit. if you drink just the right amount, you’re still yourself… but happier…
what’s wrong with being weak, anyways?</p>

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<p>As stressed in this thread, the key word is “moderation.” Let me use an example. Is there anything wrong with being upset over something and going to your friend to help cheer you up? Of course not. That doesn’t make you weak. Likewise, is there anything wrong with enjoying a couple of beers after a long, hard day? Of course not. That doesn’t make you weak. It becomes a problem when you are dumping trivialities on all of your friends and driving them away, or when you are drinking enough to impair your judgment and put your life and the lives of others in danger.</p>

<p>Plus, a couple of beers really does make you more social. At parties, the kids who are only drinking in moderation are the ones who seem to have a good time. Fighting (and, obviously, throwing up and blacking out) occur from putting too much into your body.</p>

<p>Hey, eating a banana is reported to calm your nerves before a big event. If you eat too many, you’ll get fat. It’s not irresponsible to eat a banana, right?</p>

<p>I totally respect your views, and I didn’t at all mean to come off in an attacking manner, but you said that you wanted to be able to change your mind, so I tried. :P</p>

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<p>I admit, i am sort of judgmental when it comes to alcohol. In high school I had friends who would drink occasionally, but it wasn’t a habit, and i was fine with that.</p>

<p>I DO have a problem however with people who get drunk just to be social, and then go and trash public property and do other stupid things they’d never do if in the right state of mind. </p>

<p>I DON’T have an issue with people who drink in moderation and not just to be socially cool. Having a drink and being social while still having your mind about you is fine with me. I’ll even go and say that I think the legal drinking age is bulls*^t. I feel like if you can drive, enlist in the military, and pretty much partake in any privilege that being an adult allows you, then you should be able to have a drink. I think many college aged students partake in excessive drinking because they know it is illegal and feel like doing it is rebellious. In their mind rebellious=cool. </p>

<p>Anyways, i’m transferring to Ohio U this fall, which happens to be a big party school. I’m definitely going to try going in with an open mind. Like i said, i don’t mind if its in moderation. I just hate it when people do it just to be cool, and then cause a disturbance as a result</p>

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Call it playing devil’s advocate if you like, but here’s how I look at it:</p>

<p>Speaking to a friend actually affects your thinking, thought process and emotions–you are processing what your friend tells you, you think differently and your emotions respond differently. I see this as sustainable and “real” happiness.</p>

<p>Alcohol, on the other hand, affects your emotions directly. If you are able to artificially make yourself happier for a short while, you’re going to be back to where you were the next morning and nothing has changed. Your thinking, views, relationships or surroundings have not changed and so you have nothing to carry forward to keep you happy. So far, I have viewed this as “artificial” happiness. If you use it to make you happier, you begin to depend upon it.</p>

<p>I don’t claim to be happy 24/7. However, I do believe that most people our age don’t need alcohol to make themselves happy. </p>

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Personally, I feel that the weaker you are, the less capable you are of being happy without external “assistance”.</p>

<p>I’ve been thinking about what all of you have said and I have been able to think about drinking at least slightly differently. Thanks again for your valuable comments.</p>

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<p>Some people begin to depend upon it. We call them alcoholics, or substance abusers of some sort. Most people are not alcoholics, obviously. </p>

<p>Would you consider watching a funny, stupid movie and enjoying that “artificial happiness?” What about a nice warm bath?</p>

<p>In my opinion, there are a few kinds of happiness. One is intellectual happiness, which would be, as you said, like talking to a friend, something that causes you to think differently and help you in that way. However, there is also (I don’t really know what to call it) non-intellectual happiness, which I think would include watching that stupid movie or taking a warm bath or going to an amusement park - things that are just nice, they don’t cause you to think any differently. They affect your emotions directly. You don’t always have to learn from what you enjoy, it’s okay to just have fun and relax. Alcohol fits into this category, as does, for example, sex. There are other consequences with these that other activities don’t have, but it’s possible to engage in them responsibly, and it doesn’t make you any weaker. It can be used as a crutch, but it is not always used as one - that is actually pretty rare.</p>

<p>Even though I do drink, even though I drink a lot, I am not dependent upon it. No matter how much I drink, I still enjoy talking to a friend, I still enjoy intellectual happiness. There are some people for whom this will not be the case. They are, as I said, alcoholics. However, this is a very small subset of the population, and you have no idea whether the person considers drinking equal to human interaction or whatever else. Assuming that people do consider them equal and therefore judging them seems a bit wrong to me, though I know there are probably religious things that I don’t understand that plays into that.</p>

<p>One other thing I will put out there is that I have made many close relationships through alcohol and they have stayed with me - even when we weren’t drinking. It does let you put yourself out there more and meet more people than you usually would. Sometimes you never see those people again or never have a relationship besides when you are drinking, but sometimes you build real relationships you otherwise wouldn’t have found. I don’t think those relationships are any less real than ones you make when you aren’t drinking, assuming they stand when you are sober.</p>

<p>I also think your culture determines a lot about what you think about alcohol, and that’s hard to erase. I was born in Wisconsin, arguably the hardest-drinking state in the US, and it was virtually expected for me to drink to get drunk or even drink to black out. If I had not, my family would have found me rather odd. I wasn’t pressured to or anything, I wanted to drink, but that is just considered something that is normal around here.</p>

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<p>Maybe you should stop worrying so much about what people do to themselves if it isn’t harming others. There is so much evil in the world that people let slip because it is socially acceptable, and so many victimless crimes that are considered “immoral.” Start thinking critically. A drink once in a while is fun just for a little adventure. As long as you are safe and moderate and don’t stupidly put yourself in the way of harm, it is not dangerous. It’s like going on a hike or a day trip, but you are changing your mental state rather than your physical location. Would you say that people who take vacations should be frowned upon because they must not be happy with their current locations?</p>

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Wow! That is a strong and convincing argument. Thanks so much for that, it’s definitely going to change the way I look at this.</p>

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<p>^Really? Awesome :slight_smile: It’s so rare on CC to hear something like this, I’m really happy now :D</p>

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<p>One thing you could do is transfer to a school that is heavily Church oriented. I went one summer to a Baptist University and was hugely surprised by how no one drank. </p>

<p>I honestly really had fun doing things other than partying that summer as these people as a whole were really creative with stuff to do (as opposed to my typical week in college Mon - Thurs = study… Fri & Sat = drunk… Sun = hungover and homework.)</p>

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<p>DreamingBig I would just like to point out that I have strongly disagreed with most things you say on CC. Drinkers are not weak. Look at me. I’ve been drunk almost every weekend for the past few months, I’m a senior in high school, and I’m pretty damn successful if you ask me. I have a lot of friends, I’m in the National Honor Society, I’m going to be in the Honors Program at my college next year, I’ve gotten scholarships at every school I got accepted to, I’ve worked two jobs for the past few years, and a lot of people trust me, especially girls. You are not NECESSARILY weak because you drink alcohol. I am not weak (mentally…I’m a tall, lanky, and fit white kid with a six pack but no biceps haha). I drink because it is fun. That’s it. I don’t do it to look cool. I used to smoke pot but I don’t anymore because I don’t like the high. It wasn’t fun anymore (to me, I don’t judge anyone who still does it) so I stopped. Obviously, I am not week. </p>

<p>Don’t judge anyone. Everybody judges a little bit, but you can’t take it too seriously. Seriously I don’t hate anyone, I’m easy going and I don’t let little things ruin my perceptions of people, and that’s why I have a lot of friends.</p>

<p>The second you think you are better than somebody else, you are instantly worthless. Nobody’s better than anyone, with obvious extreme exceptions</p>

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<p>the only advice i can offer you is to get over yourself. seriously.</p>

<p>it’s like this: you like green, i like red. you like basketball, i’d rather run a few miles. that’s all it is. a simple difference in opinion. am i weak because i like red and running?</p>

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<p>More or less, your impression of drinkers does not reflect the reality of who drinkers are (in general).</p>

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<p>You are not alone. You’ll see that there are often a few people who are drinking soda water with a twist of lime or a soft drink. Some of them just don’t drink, some can’t drink, some are designated drivers, under age, have something that they need to do, and should not drink.</p>

<p>I took a hiatus from drinking any alcohol for about 5 years just to see what it would be like in social settings after a friend was insisting how difficult it is to abstain. I don’t drink much at all, so it was not a big deal to me. It was a neat thing to do because I could tell my kids, that, no , drinking is not an absolute when going out socially. I didn’t drink then.</p>

<p>I resumed my wine or a bit of beer with meals only and champagne for toast, after noting that it was indeed easy for me to just not drink, even in social settings where the alcohol flows. I don’t drink any alcohol, just to drink it, such as at a cocktail hour anymore. It doesn’t impair me socially at all. I could deprive myself of the alcohol at meals, too for social purposes as I did for about 7 years, but I do like it for its culinary effects–I cook a lot and extensively, so I added the half glass of wine or quarter glass of beer on occasion for those purposes. I know I can easily cut this out if I so wanted as I did so before and made the decision to resume it rather than slipping back into it. You do not have to drink.</p>

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<p>^I’m sure you realize that at many colleges there is more pressure (or imagined pressure at the very least) to drink than in the adult world. It’s obviously very possible to avoid, but there’s definitely more of an alcohol culture in college than in the adult world.</p>