Comment on my essay, please! I am an international student and need your help!Thanks!

<p>The Q is Success can sometimes be disastrous.
The word Success has a magical power. Many people have sacrificed their lives for the sake of it while some endeavor painstakingly but never attain it. But sometimes, the success can be an anathema. It will be so horrid a nightmare that will causes immense catastrophe that you haven’t never imagined before as the followings drawn from the literature and real world will demonstrate.
In Mary Shelley’s masterpiece Frankenstein, the protagonist Victor, with his enormous ambition and exceptional knowledge, after long time’s struggles, finally succeeded in bringing a creature a life. But the creature turned out to be an inhumane monster. It killed Victor’s brother and an innocent girl was executed for that case. Because Victor refused to satisfy its desire of acquiring a female counterpart, the monster murdered his best friend and in his wedding night, murdered his bride. Victor became furious and determined to catch the heinous monster, but at last, was taken life of by the monster in the deserted North Pole. Victor should be fortunate enough to be able to succeed in his mission, but because of his flawed intention and subsequent mistakes, the success turned to be disastrous and he even lost his life.
The story similar to Victor’s is surely not confined in the imagined fiction world as the notorious Iraq War demonstrates to us. In a degree, we can conclude that for the aspect of military mission, the Iraq War is undoubtedly a success. The coalition army that majorly consisted of military forces from U.S. quickly defeated the Iraqi Army; Saddam Hussein was captured and executed exactly as George W. Bush had expected. But the success was later proved to be an indelible anathema for U.S. Many people now believe that the Iraq War is wrong and thus George W. Bush’s public-approving ratings are unprecedentedly low while George W. Bush administration seems to have no idea how to solve the puzzle; the American taxpayers need to expend 1.9 trillions for this ludicrous war; millions of American families daily pray for their sons and daughters fighting in the other part of the world. The success absolutely converts to be a total disaster. Many families have to endure the negative effects of the so-called success that they have never thought before.
From the literature to the real world, life has shown us that not every success guarantees the bliss. Sometimes, if not properly contrived, the success can be an insufferable disaster. We may learn a lesson here: before we set up for the goal of success, let us make sure that the success can truly bring us joy and love.</p>

<p>Thank you again !</p>

<p>i think this is a 5ish essay, i see some grammatical mistakes(v tenses) in the intro, and u lack a conclusion =s, max 5. so 9-10 ish</p>

<p>Thanks a lot.
So you think my conclusion is not adequate?
And besides the grammatical mistakes, what else do I need to improve?
Thank you!</p>

<p>ooh ,srry,i didn’t see ur conclusion lol. cuz u didn’t indent, nvm.
i think,then that’s a 10 essay,at least. ur sentence structures are very well written, good examples, i think u’re okay lol.</p>

<p>not too shabby, though i think u will find it hard to reproduce the same essay in 25min (exam conditions). good luck!</p>

<p>I would give it an 8, because I found a lot of grammatical errors. Improve your grammar, and you could even score an 11 or, maybe, 12!</p>

<p>i agree with uttaresh///
i will give 7-8 for this essay
there was a lot of grammatical errors
and spme sentences are not quite connected to each other
the example on Frankenstein,it seems majorly summary to me
it could have been better if you have described more on how victor wants success..</p>

<p>even though ^ giving a 3 for that is unacceptable. it’s definitely better than an 8, i’d say it’s from somewhere 9 to 11.
my 8 essay in may was 2 simple examples, an intro and conclusion, very crappy. nevertheless,i got an 8. i think this one is definitely better than mine. remember, some grammatical errors are OK.</p>

<p>Thank you for everyone!
I understand that I need to correct my grammatical errors!</p>