<p>Below I have attatched my Why Penn essay. Tell me what you think. Comments and criticisms are appreciated alike. Despite the fact that the deadline is well past, I would still like to hear input about my essay.</p>
<p>From across the table, his probing eyes study me with bold curiosity. “So you want to attend Penn?” he asks. </p>
<p>“I do,” I answer, somewhat meekly. </p>
<p>“You seem a little hesitant-”</p>
<p>“Yes, I would love to!” I pronounce firmly.
His lips curve upward in a half-smile, but his eyes still focus intently on mine.
“Good answer. Now justify it. Why Penn? Why Wharton?”</p>
<p>Why indeed? The gears in my brain rotate at speeds faster than the speed of sound and generate a hundred responses for the epic question that never fails to surprise the interviewee. I clear my throat and pronounce with a careful combination of solemnity and enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“Many reasons, Sir. The Wharton School of business is ranked among the top in the nation, and it has an excellent undergraduate pre-business program. I am very interested in the marketing concentration. But I also have a great interest in science and humanities. Wharton’s undergraduate program allows for me to pursue my other interests. I am not yet certain, but I believe I would like to minor in anthropology. I know that Penn has a great anthropology department and even has its own museum for anthropology! I am also very interested in astronomy, psychology, and philosophy. I know that Penn is very strong in almost every department, so I plan to explore them and perhaps uncover other interests that I am not now aware of.” </p>
<p>He stares at me, unimpressed. I know I had been a bit clich</p>
<p>that was a really cool approach. gives yu the opportunity for you to talk and the school to say something as well. totally different from the usual stuff.</p>
<p>that's what i also thought of when i was writing mine.</p>
<p>you actually captured the thinking of the adcom. this is good!</p>
<p>at least they'll take a second look at your essay. mine was written in gothic style, like a guy (me) on a quest looking for the way and blah blah blah.</p>
<p>but on the whole (excluding punctutation errors) this essay is splendid, truthfully stating that you don't know 'Why Penn', you're also questing. I found this out when i was reading the brochure prior to writing my essay. All the students who said something about 'Why Penn' were already students and not applicants. so they'd say something unique.</p>
<p>present tense makes the essay more vivid. Mine too was in present tense.</p>
<p>as for whether it actually happened or not, that doesn't matter. as long as you answer the question 'Why Penn?' this is not a personal essay. it could be as figurative as you'd like it to be.</p>
<p>i think the end was it if you know what i mean. my summer tutor (who's now at harvard grad) told me the key to writing an admissions essay is letting them know that you don't have the answers, but want to find one at penn, or wherever you're applying. i think your essay is great. was this the actual interview's attitude? that seems a little mean even though he's heard what you said at the beginning a million times, but still... did you exaggerate his character?</p>
<p>the best part about your essay is that it def. makes the reader curious about the end...just the way you set it up with the interviewer not being satisfied...and the end is strong...i like it...good luck..but yeah did this actually happen?</p>
<p>No this is all imaginary and I made sure that Penn realizes this, because I had added a note on the bottom of the essay saying that it was imaginary and that the essay was in no way a criticism on Penn interviewers as I have not yet met one, but that I had purposefuly made my interviewer in the essay someone hard to please for "comic relief". </p>
<p>I had wanted to capture the thought process of a critical Penn adcom.</p>
<p>well written essay, but if you surf the boards from the ed applicants last year and the year before, too many people used this idea. its unique in its delivery, but too common in its approach. interesting essay though.</p>
<p>it's so creative and good and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
it's too good!! so much better than mine!! if a person who writes like you don't get in , i don't think i have a chance :(</p>
<p>the bulk of this essay is weakly written--you're trying really hard to use too many words and it just sounds obnoxious. The idea at the end is something I agree with and ****es me off about the very question, Why why why--but it's rather slow and long. I mean we get the idea that you aren't giving anything novel in the first paragraph--and you just keep going with that...it just doesn't say much about you--your essay does exactly what your "interviewer criticizes" and besides the last sentence, it has no tone that seems to be coming from an individual personality.</p>
<p>Yeah. Honestly, for the most of the essay, I thought I was reading the Penn brochure "EXPANDED" version...I skipped, and dropped down to the last lines. I know a lot of ppl say its great, but to me, a few cool lines at the end can never make up for the absolute blandness of the body. It's nothing more than average. I mean, you literally sacrificed a whole 75% of the essay reiterating what the Penn rep tells kids on tour...75% of the essay could've been used to say something unique about yourself and help your case for admissions, but instead, that went to waste. Basically, good ending, bad everything else.</p>
<p>hmm well i am glad there is criticism; it is true that I go way into detail about some very boring things but I was attempting to reiterate the things about Penn I liked. I also attempted to tie this with my own interests. Nevertheless I can see my weakness. I did do something crappy with this essay, and that is that I didnt carefully read the directions that says something to the sort of "Please Keep it under one page". My essay is almost a page and a half, but that isn't too over the limit.</p>
<p>Creative idea - very similar to my page 217 approach, actually (accepted to the College ED). And it was well done, too. But the essay is annoying. I don't know how else to say it. It's not that I don't like it, because I do, but it borders obnoxious and over-the-top, which rubs me the wrong way. But if you clean it up a little, this could be a very, very solid work.</p>
<p>eep obnoxious and annoying!! it is rather funny that one critical comment has led to all critical comments. hmm, maybe deep inside it annoys us to read it but it wasn't obvious outright. But after reading that others felt that too then it is like, "yeh that is what it is. it is annoying to read and obnoxious." Well too late for now since it is turned in!</p>
<p>i like the way you wrote it...creative and interesting. but i was wondering why you decided to mention that everything was cliche and did it really fit one page?</p>
<p>No, using standard 12 point font it went almost a page and a half. I was stupid, and completely missed that part of the instructions. yes, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that it was cliche, but I was trying to be self-critical. It seems that this ends up making me sound more annoying? Well what the heck. At least I will know for next time my weaknesses in this essay.</p>