So I’ve been working on my common app essay for a few months now. I chose the first prompt, and wrote my essay on my family background, specifically my father. As I was going through drafts, I got feedback from several people, and although they think my essay in general is good, one observation seems to be common- they note that my essay might focus too much on my father without revealing too much about me. This was an even bigger problem in my first draft because it contained more biographical detail, but I’ve been trying to refocus it to emphasize my relationship with my father and how he/my background has influenced me. I’m trying to subtly reveal certain messages about myself that I would hope the admissions counselor can infer based upon my description of my relationship with my father and various anecdotes I put in. Basically, I’m hoping that how I talk about my father in the essay can reveal just as much about myself as an essay explicitly about myself or some other experience/activity/topic. I do think that the essay does a good job in conveying my personal voice. Anyways, I’m hoping that someone can offer their own feedback and opinion on whether or not my essay
If you pm it to me I’ll be happy to give feedback