<p>A conversation usually isnt ones idea of a life-changing experience. One doesnt expect some epiphany to strike like lightning when one is just casually talking with friends. A conversation doesnt build character with some life challenge, such as oppression, discrimination, disease, or financial trouble. Yet, I have to say that one of my most rewarding and influential experiences (or series of experiences and events) are my constant intellectual conversations had with a select few of my friends. The following is an example, an excerpt from the constant Socratic dialogue that I share with certain peers:<br>
The nights talk, after touching upon ones life fulfillment in a corporately dominated society, quickly progressed into a debate between one of my fairly Marxist friends and myself on the destructive power of capitalism. My friend argued that the capitalism created various atrocities that caused great casualties of culture. He pointed to the decline of the French Café due the globalized power of McDonalds and the capitalist minded class-exclusivity of Nantucket. I, however, argued on the Adam Smith premise of self-interest, pointing to the fact that cultural casualties are only relative to the people who engage in such culture. Later on, as we casually discussed the unhealthiness of school cafeteria lunches, another discussion arose over the behavioral economics of the lower class of American society. I began to chip in, updating my friends on my latest Economist readings, in which it stated that the lower classes on average saved far less than their middle and upper-class counterparts. We also discussed the role of banks in this phenomenon how they provided incentives to save to their lower class clients through the matching of financial rewards to savings and how they acted not only out of paternalism but also out of self-interest. We concluded our rather enjoyable intellectual conversation through a brief look at the latest book Freakonomics by behavioral economist Steven Levitt, discussing the bell curve of mens taste in spouses in correlation to education level. It seemed logical, given that we live in a patriarchal society, the statistical concentration fell on the college-educated woman (no less and no more).
Such rare and treasured experiences have affected me so much because theyve shaped my ideals on the college experience specifically, and on life in general. Theyve made me passionately desire the intellectual conversation in my college experience as not only an avenue of entertainment but something that surrounds me wherever I go and whatever I do everyday. I want to be able to just sit down and converse with my peers in class discussions, with Professors at meals and various school activities, with friends at parties, in dorm rooms, staying up into the late hours of the night. I expect out of my college experience an even richer and deeper dialogue than the one Ive had, one that is open and unabashed. My few intellectual conversations with my high-school friends have helped me to logically connect the concept of college as a truth-seeking process and the conversation as a basis for that process by the constant dialogue and exchange of ideas. Moreover, it has made me want out of life a constant search for knowledge and truth. I do not want the intellectual conversation to be confined to an academic institution or similar forum I want it to pervade my life, whether it is at my work or with my family.</p>
<p>no no NO NO NO Don't post your essays on public boards like this. Any doofus out there could take it now. In general, one should ask if there are people willing to read your essay and then you can email it to them. (I have not read it yet, but I will comment on it in a subsequent post, now that i'm done yelling at you :))</p>
<p>This is like the second one in a week or two who has done this. Let me put it this way, no matter how good you are, what would the admissions office think if they saw you and some other person have the exact same essay? Probably not a good end-result.</p>
<p>A conversation usually isnt ones idea of a life-changing experience. This sentence isn't a good opener. You want to begin with something that will draw the reader in and distinguish your essays from the others; you want to be memorable. ** One doesnt expect some epiphany to strike like lightning when one is just casually talking with friends.I don't like the simile, it's too simple (and unnecessary). Also, I know you're trying to be gramatically correct, but the one's in the first two sentences just begin the essay awkwardly. You're allowed to talk in first person, it's a personal essay. ** A conversation doesnt build character with some life challenge, such as oppression, discrimination, disease, or financial trouble. ** Delete this, iit sounds ridiculous and exaggerated . Yet,Can't start the sentence with yet ** I have to say that one of my most rewarding and influential experiences (or series of experiences and events) are*subject one of your most influential experiences, singular, IS * my constant intellectual conversations conversations are not one experience, they are several **had with a select few of my friends. The following is an example, an excerpt from the constant Socratic dialogue that I share with certain peers: **Don't say the following is in an essay.</p>
<p>The nights talk, after touching upon ones life fulfillment in a corporately dominated society, quickly progressed into a debate between one of my fairly Marxist friends and myself on the destructive power of capitalism. My friend argued that the capitalism created various atrocities that caused great casualties of culture. He pointed to the decline of the French Café due the globalized power of McDonalds and the capitalist minded class-exclusivity of Nantucket. I, however, argued on the Adam Smith premise of self-interest, pointing to the fact that cultural casualties are only relative to the people who engage in such culture. Later on, as we casually discussed the unhealthiness of school cafeteria lunches, another discussion arose over the behavioral economics of the lower class of American society. I began to chip in, updating my friends on my latest Economist readings, in which it stated that the lower classes on average saved far less than their middle and upper-class counterparts. We also discussed the role of banks in this phenomenon how they provided incentives to save to their lower class clients through the matching of financial rewards to savings and how they acted not only out of paternalism but also out of self-interest. We concluded our rather the word rather is unnecessary, always enjoyable intellectual conversation through a brief look at the latest book Freakonomics by behavioral economist Steven Levitt, discussing the bell curve of mens taste in spouses in correlation to education level. It seemed logical, given that we live in a patriarchal society, the statistical concentration fell on the college-educated woman (no less and no more). </p>
<p>Honestly, besides the rather, I'm not correcting this. This paragraph isn't interesting at all. It also seems like you're arrogant and trying to brag. If you're going to write about conversation, write about ONE, don't rattle off a list of your "intellectual" talks, and don't tell them you're smart, show them with your writing about something else; something personal and reflective of a positive element of your personality. Also, you don't elaborate on how these conversations changed your life. </p>
<p>Such rare and treasured experiences*give me a break, please :)* have affected me so much because theyve shaped my ideals on the college experience specifically, and on life in general. Theyve made me passionately desire the intellectual conversation in my college experience as not only an avenue of entertainment but something that surrounds me wherever I go and whatever I do everyday. I want to be able to just sit down and converse with my peers in class discussions, with Professors at meals and various school activities, with friends at parties, in dorm rooms, staying up into the late hours of the night. I expect out of my college experience an even richer and deeper dialogue than the one Ive had, one that is open and unabashed this word doesn't match the diction in the rest of your essay. My few intellectual conversations with my high-school friends have helped me to logically connect the concept of college as a truth-seeking process and the conversation as a basis for that process by the constant dialogue and exchange of ideas. Moreover, it*It can't refer to converations, it refers to singluar...oh right, and it sounds weird * has made me want out of life a constant search for knowledge and truth. I do not want the intellectual conversation to be confined to an academic institution or similar forum I want it to pervade my life, whether it is at my work or with my family.</p>
<p>Honestly, trash this essay. You sound pseudo-intellectual and totally full of yourself. Write about something, one thing, that is actually meaningful. Read this outloud or something, you'll agree.</p>
<p>I like your grammar pointers and everything, but honestly, this is what I actually care about. So I don't think i'll trash this essay - instead, I'm just going to make it better. Thanks for the help tho.</p>