<p>There have been many influences in my life, but none more important than my mother. She has helped me the most and has always been there for me whenever I need it the most. She has been the one person to cheer me up when Im down and love me unconditionally. I admire her resilience and her ability to put a smile on everyones face even though she is having a bad day herself. Even though she has been through so much adversity and hardship, she is still humble and thankful for what she has achieved.
Coming to America was probably my moms biggest struggle and sacrifice. She left her entire life back in Mexico when she left. She left behind her friends and family for a life in America when our family was already well-off in Mexico. She did this for me, so that I could get an American college education and make my living here. In addition, I also had health problems such as an irregular heartbeat and bad teeth, so she came to get treatment for me when it was too expensive in Mexico. Starting off in America was not easy for my mother, she often struggled to pay the huge medical bills for me, yet she still had a smile on her face because she knew that she was doing it for her son. She went from never working a day in her life to working six days a week and for long hours to support the family. On top of all of this, she worked on a bad knee that could not fully support her weight, and she still worked six days a week. The first couple of years were the hardest, it was very difficult to settle down in America, but she still kept hope that one day, I would make her proud by going to college like she always dreamed. This sacrifice that my mom made makes me want to work harder every single day in college, to make her proud so that her struggle does not go to waste. Her values of hard work and patience were instilled in me since I was a child, I have always grown up around a house with positive influence and support whenever I need it. She has always provided that support and has been there whenever I need help or advice on an issue, whether it is school-related or not.
On top of these struggles, my mother has also battled against breast cancer after she came to America. She struggled with the cancer for almost two years before it went away, yet she continued to work and support the family while she was struggling with the disease. She went through two surgeries and therapy afterwards, yet she still took a positive outlook on life. This positivity inspires me to work hard every day and try my best at everything I do in and out of school. She is my primary role model, the one person that will care about me the most. No matter how much she suffers, she always puts my happiness over hers. Seeing these sacrifices and struggles by my mother made me the person I am today, a hardworking student looking for opportunity.
My mother is who made me who I am today. I am very thankful that I had such a wonderful influence in my life and I am determined to make her struggles and hardships worth it. Her moral values that she has taught me when I was a child drive me to stay focused and appreciate my situation, because it could always be much worse. This, coupled with my humble backgrounds would motivate me to be the best person I can be, in school and out of school.</p>
<p>I’m half way through your essay and I see a lot of grammatical things that can be fixed, it would make your essay flow better and your wording more succinct. I will PM you the edits I will make.</p>
<p>the one thing that jumps out at me is that there is very little about you in there. In other words, take a couple of examples of how your mother influenced you and show some examples in your own life. Son did his essay on his grandfather and structured it really well. He said that his grandfather was an influence on him because of his strong family values and work ethic. Then he took each of those examples and gave an example from his own life - and how his grandfather has influenced him with regard to these two traits. It was succint and a very good essay and just under 500 words.</p>
<p>do you think it is a good idea to write about my mom and how she influenced me but also include how she was an illegal immigrant and how she crossed the border but became a citizen?</p>
<p>I think that’s a good idea, but go further with it, explain how that had an influence on YOU.
Here is my revised copy! </p>
<p>Common App Essay</p>
<pre><code>“Remember son, no matter what you do in life, just remember two things: always try your hardest at everything you attempt, and be thankful for what you have, many other people would give anything to be in your position.” These words of advice from my mother still stick with me today. Her resilience and hard work has shaped me into the person I am today. There have been many influences in my life, but none more important than my mother. She has helped me the most and has always been there for me whenever I need it the most. She has been the one person to cheer me up when I’m down and love me unconditionally.
Coming to America was particularly difficult for me. I did not know English at all when I first came here and I had to learn the language fast. On top of all of this, I also struggled with health issues such as an irregular heartbeat and severe dental problems. When I first enrolled in elementary school, I was always struggling with English and I was having problems communicating with my peers and teachers. If it were not for my mom, I would have been in danger of dropping out of elementary school. She tutored me every day and taught me how to read and write fluently in English and in no time, I caught up with the rest of the class. Without my mom, I would not be where I am today. She has taught me perseverance and patience from teaching me English. At first, I struggled with the language, often times getting frustrated, but my mom never gave up and her efforts paid off in the end when I finally mastered English.
This perseverance and dedication to hard work that my mother motivates me to try hard every single day at everything I do, whether it is in school, or out of school. During high school, my mother has always been there for me. During my freshmen year, even though she was suffering through breast cancer, she helped ease the pain of losing my grandfather, who had passed away at the age of 84. I faced intense emotional trauma during this time period because all I wanted to do was see him one last time, but I never got that chance. Even though my mother was hurting on the inside also, she put my needs in front of her own and kept me focused on school. She was my only moral support throughout freshmen year and without her influence, I would not have been able to focus on school as much as I did. I still remember the words of comfort she said on the day I heard the news: “I know you’re upset and sad, but there’s nothing we can do now. He’s in a better place now. You can’t dwell on what we can’t fix.” At first, I did not want to get over it; he meant so much to me. Eventually though, it was due to my mother’s constant support and care that I accepted his death and moved on. Without her influence and constant support, I would not be where I am today.
My mother is who made me who I am today. I am very thankful that I had such a wonderful influence in my life and I am determined to make her struggles and hardships worth it. Her moral values that she has taught me when I was a child drive me to stay focused and appreciate my situation, because it could always be much worse. This, coupled with my humble backgrounds would motivate me to be the best person I can be, in school and out of school.
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<p>Really like your revision! Only suggestion I have is to read the last paragraph out loud (actually read all of it out loud) and you may come up with a few changes. Not the content, just some word substitutions and sentence changes. I will PM you with a couple of ideas.</p>