<p>If anyone has the time to edit my extracurricular short answer, I would be most appreciative.</p>
<p>I don't care how much time you dedicate to it; any help is good.</p>
<p>It fits the character limit as is, but if you think anything should be added or cut, please be frank and don't worry about sparing my feelings.</p>
<p>Here it is:</p>
<p>Heat</p>
<pre><code>Sweat drips down my brow. As I wish the droplet away, my shoes scuff the gravel, spraying pebbles in front of me. I curse Texas weather and put my best foot forward to finish the set. I freeze, as best I can in this heat.
"At ease!" comes the call from the marching band podium. The tension simmers down and everyone runs for water. We complain about the heat, but I, for one, would have it no other way. The sweat is like my effort, left on the field to linger after a performance. Everyone sweats together.
I belong on this field. I am neither the best trumpeter nor the friendliest face, but band is a family. Even the black sheep is made welcome.
Even so, maybe my four years of sweat were not worth it. Maybe I should have made my strong brain sweat more, instead of my weaker body. Maybe...
Another call from the podium ends our water break and my thought, and I race back onto the field with everyone else. I just need to sweat more, and shed the dark wool in my head.
</code></pre>
<p>In case you are curious, I am applying to:
Lawrence
Olin
Oberlin
Harvey Mudd
Carnegie Mellon
Reed
Swarthmore</p>
<p>I don’t like this at all: “I am neither the best trumpeter nor the friendliest face, but band is a family. Even the black sheep is made welcome.” All of this is painting you in a bad light and even implying that you are the black sheep. I would take all of this out. You can say that band is a family in another way. Just my humble opinion. :)</p>
<p>Hah, I used a marching band reference, too!</p>
<p>I would have to agree with OhioMom2, take that phrase out or re-word it. Also, the word “maybe” implies that you could have gone either way. It doesn’t show what you did versus what you didn’t, thus leaving the opinion up to the reader. And from what I’ve read, you want to sound as confident as you can when it comes to writing these essays/short answers.</p>
<p>Grammatically, you also you NEVER underline your own writings! Unless you are a published and copyrighted author, do not do that. Don’t put it in quotes, either.</p>
<p>I understand where you guys are coming from, and I definitely do want to sound confident, but doesn’t the doubt make me more believable as a person? People can relate to doubt more easily than they can relate to someone who is totally confident all the time. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging or that I’m perfect.</p>
<p>I am a person who tends to over-think things, space out, and be generally socially awkward. My natural response to the over-thinking is to do more so I have less idle time to over-think things and worry about them a lot.</p>
<p>However, if y’all (Texan here) didn’t get that about me after reading my short answer once, then neither will a college admissions counselor, so I guess I’ll change it. I would like a little more feedback before I do, though.</p>
<p>Thanks for the comments!</p>
<p>@Oblivia I know that I shouldn’t underline my own writing-I just wanted y’all to know that was the title of the short answer, not a word in the response.</p>
<p>Limited by characters, it’s really challenging to get an anecdote and talk about yourself for this prompt (I struggled a lot). I like your style but I didn’t learn a lot about you overall. Talk less about that moment and more of how band has affected you overall.</p>