Hi there,
I finished writing my personal essay, and was wondering if anyone could read it and give me some feedback? Thanks 
sure i’ll take a look
Sure send it over
I’ll take a look as well
I’ll post my review here just in case the other people want to comment.
Personally I don’t like the essay. It’s really negative and depressing. The most memorable aspects are you have issues with your mother and you thought grades didn’t matter. Those aren’t positive qualities you should stress.
Furthermore you make the mistake lots of essays make in that it is too focused on you. Think about the essays these college admissions officers will read. They will see people who were homeless (hell there seems to be a few of those in the chance me threads right now) or people that were raped. So almost failing HS isn’t that terrible of a life problem. You are trying too hard to be dramatic instead of real and genuine.
More importantly you don’t stress the qualities colleges are looking for in students. You focus on getting good grades instead of a passion for learning. There is no mention of working with other people or helping your community. No leadership, No nothing.
Lastly the ending, bad experience blah blah blah happy it made me stronger today, is very cliche.
@bomerr bit harsh of a review… I would say the applicant related to themselves, which they should. It’s about a personal experience. I understand what you are saying about being negative and depressing, but that’s life. The essay will impress the person reading it due to the applicant’s desire to DO BETTER and MOVE FORWARD. Progressing in life, not everything is sunshine. They captured emotion throughout their work. Obviously they have a passion to learn if they’re trying to get into college, otherwise they wouldn’t have picked themselves up from that dip in their GPA.
@‌southernbelle16
Everyone has issues in life. The essay is part of an application and so it’s VITAL for the student to demonstrate their best qualities.
The personal statement isn’t so much about being personal as it is being likable. In other words being the type of person an admissions officer WANTS to have at their institution.
@bomerr It’s not really cool to have violated the applicant’s trust by posting your critique on their thread. There’s a reason for PM’s.