<p>Politics is usually thought of one of the most boring topics to talk about in my age group, so i was not to ecstatic in joining the Model UN club, but i was willing to give it a fair chance. I went to their weekly meetings and i was just as reluctant to go each time, until our first mock conference. It was amazing. The mosaic of perspectives; the epiphany of solutions; the heat of debate and the cooling conclusions that united us all. As well as making me more globally aware and growing my political interests, it has helped me grow as a person. I've grown more sympathetic, open-minded, more able to problem solve and compromise. I am part of this club but more accurately MUN has become a part of me. I'm now the Advisor to the Secretary General of the club and plan to continue in college.</p>
<p>You need to be much more specific and less wordy. What specifically did you talk about, what specifically changed your mind? Of course, there are some things you can’t say because it’s so short.</p>
<p>In my junior year, i joined the Model UN club. i started without the vaguest idea of what it was about. However, from the first mock conference, i loved the debate. The ability to participate in politics(from the weaponization of space to the blood diamonds of Sierra Leone) and legislation making was exhilarating. I witnessed the culminations of different cultures and backgrounds come together to create solution. the ability to comprehend the different perspectives of a group has helped me grow more understanding and open minded as well as making me more culturally and politically aware. I truly have a passion for the practice of debate, as I’ve been elected advisor to the Secretary General of my club and i plan to continue in college.
do u think this better? thank u</p>
<p>Better. But I think it’d be most effective to do this with little to no description, certainly no describing adverbs, and use a narrative structure. Like you’re telling a story. Show the change.</p>
<p>In my junior year, i joined the Model UN club. i started without the vaguest idea of what it was about and i did not really care for politics. However, from the first conference, i loved the debate. The ability to participate in politics and legislation making was exhilarating. I witnessed the culminations of different cultures come together to create solutions. This diversity has helped me grow more understanding and open minded as well as making me more culturally and politically aware. I moved from conference to conference and each time i learned a bit more about the world’s major events and it’s peoples. As my knowledge grew so has my sophistication to the art. I now have a passion and appreciation for the practice of debate, as I’ve been elected advisor to the Secretary General of my club and i plan to continue in college.</p>
<p>how is this? is it best to leave out this (from the weaponization of space to the blood diamonds of Sierra Leone) after politics in the fourth sentence? and i am really appreciating the feedback thank you all.</p>