<p>I just wanted to see if my topic for the Common app's topic choice is a a good idea. I really wanted to do this essay because it kind of explains the evolution of my extracurriculars. Its a lot in 500 words, but its important to me. I start off the essay with how I started to dance at the age of 8 because I wanted to wear a tutu (tried to go for a laugh) and ended up finding a way to express myself. Then kind of the short explanation of how I was the shy kid and dance helped me find my voice and what it has taught me (bla bla bla). The next paragraph talks about how I started assisting dance classes when I was 14 so I could have money to take more dance classes and found something that I loved almost as much as dancing itself (teaching dance). I talk a little about what assisting has taught me and then I talk about how all the kids in my classes had a loving home and how they did not really need my help so (Third Paragraph) I joined Big Brother Big Sisters at the age of 16 to help a kid who really needed my help. I talk about what this experience has taught me and even though this experience was rewarding I wanted to teach my little sister and the other kids in the program something that helped me so much in my life (dancing). (Fourth Paragraph) This is why Im starting a dance program for underprivileged kids next semester. The last couple of sentences are about how Im sad that I can only participate in my dance program for a short time because Im going to college but I hope that I know that whatever college I go to will allow me to explore my passions in dance and other things. What do you think?</p>
<p>It generally seems to be a very focused essay (which is a good thing).
However, I’m a little concerned about the ending. You shouldn’t point to the specific college about being able to help you with your dancing passion (since you’ll be sending it to more than one college). Maybe you can say something like I hope I can continue to pursue dancing along with my college experience.</p>
<p>Thanks! Ya I knew I would I have to send it to multiple colleges so I struggled with how to end it. Im definitely going to try your idea.</p>