Common Application Essay option 3

<p>I would like any thoughts or opinions on my essay because no one in my family has gone to college so they really are not that helpful when it comes to applying. I really just want an opinion on the basic "storyline" of my essay rather than grammar and sentence structure. If my essay topic is good then I will fix all of that.</p>

<pre><code>In my life, I had the privilege and honor of knowing one of the most selfless and
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<p>compassionate people there was. This person was supportive in anything I chose to pursue be it soccer, piano lessons, or horseback riding. Although this person is no longer with us, their life lessons are still present in my life as well as the many others that have come to know her.
My grandmother was, without a doubt, the most significant influence present in my life. Throughout her lifetime, she has had many hardships. At the age of thirteen, her mother died and her father became very sick. Her only sibling being her twin brother, my grandmother took over the responsibility of the sole provider for her family. She was forced to drop out of school and find a job without a high school education. By the time she was in her fifties she had already lost her husband and youngest daughter, Linda, at the age of 22 from an unknown heart defect. As heartbreaking as this was, she managed to stay strong for her other four children and focus on the positives.
At this point she had one healthy grandson and her first granddaughter, me, was on the way. A few strokes, restriction to a wheelchair and a move to an apartment add-on in the lower level of my home later, she was still optimistic. Even though my grandmother, now known to our family as Mema, lived only right downstairs from me, I rarely went to visit or talk to her. This was not due of my lack of time but more of my lack of interest. I never realized how much my grandmother had to give.<br>
Although my time spent with Mema may have been limited, I have learned a lot from her. I have realized that through any adversity comes strength and triumph. Everything happens for a reason because you must make mistakes in order to learn from them. Nothing good can come by concentrating on the small, insignificant bumps in the road that occur everyday, but taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. And with her death I have come to the realization that, as Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”</p>

<p>It’s a fine topic, but 90% what you’ve got is your grandmother’s story. It needs to be your story, not hers. You need to explain in more detail how the things you learned from her para 3 have affected you. It needs less cliches and more specific examples. Add the grammar and sentence structure fiixes and you’ll be good.</p>

<p>I completely agree with ^. Write more about yourself.</p>