Commonapp essay help (need help developing the idea)

<p>This is a pretty rough idea but here it is:
I'm thinking of writing about how I was really afraid of roller coasters as a kid (I went to a theme park with friends once and couldn't even go on the smallest coaster there << that would be the example). I've tried new things and eventually got the courage to go on one in 9th grade and realized I adored them. I'm now willing to go on many.
I somehow want to tie that idea in with a fear of heights. A year ago I went on a trip to India and I had to go to the hospital for hyperventilation. Long story short, the doctor said it had something to do with heights since I had been on top of mountains in Switzerland a couple days earlier.</p>

<p>I think both of these ideas have something to do with heights and the experiences related to that, but I'm having trouble tying the two together and more importantly, showing who I really am. Is there any way to combine these ideas while at the same time displaying my personality?</p>

<p>well (dont take my idea) my essay is about a real person who I claim I grew up with, but later in the essay he is slowly revealed as an abstraction, sort of the “poetry” inside me and everyone. So in reality he (the inspiration inside everyone) never existed as a human, I only described him as a human in human situations. </p>

<p>With that said, you can tie heights and roller coasters together by combining them. Describe being on top of a mountain in India, and then going to a hospital…then slowly describe a “come back” attempt. Like trying to conqure the mountain. Then at the end, slowly describe/reveal that it was a roller coaster the whole time. People with start to wonder if the mountaint story was true, but obviously it is true since you described with such detail. The idea is that they both represent the same thing, fear itself. To some people a roller coaster may seem like a mountain in India, to you it really is. Dont forget to stick with the main idea of being afraid and mention the moral of the story.</p>

<p>That’s a really good idea! Just one thing though, how is this showing me? Other than overcoming a fear I want to show more about my personality. Any specific qualities I can show in this essay other than determination and confidence?</p>

<p>bump…anyone?</p>

<p>Are you sure the doctor wasn’t trying to tell you that you had altitude sickness? </p>

<p>Anyways, heights and rollercoasters naturally fuse well together. Rollercoasters go up high. So figure out how to combine the two. I think the above suggestion was great. As far as showing your character, I could show my character with any general essay topic you give me. It’s not something that has to be forced, because: not only will your voice shine through in your writing, but a lot of things about you will be implied in your anecdotes. So write an essay, give it to someone (preferably a complete stranger) to read and ask them to list three to five adjectives to describe you based off your essay. If you like the adjectives and they match what you generally are, then you’re basically set.</p>

<p>I guess I’m just confused about how to connect the mountain idea to the roller coaster. I mean, how do I make show that the mountain really was the roller coaster?</p>

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<p>Now I’m confused.</p>

<p>well vintijj said to “slowly describe/reveal that it was a roller coaster the whole time.” I think he meant that I should use conquering a mountain as a way to show how I conquered my fear of roller coasters. I’m confused as to how I should switch from one to the other while having good flow in the essay</p>

<p>^That is your job as a writer to figure out. We can only take you so far.</p>

<p>You can show courageous and adventurous side of yours.
Maybe you can link the breeze while you are riding the roller coaster with the breeze on the freezing mountain and make the transition there</p>