Hello all,
I’ve written a college essay and I’ve had a family member read it and he told me that it doesn’t sound like a college essay. I wrote about my experience at a domestic violence shelter as well as my hardships as a minority.
The problem is the topic doesn’t really relate to any of the 2015/2016 commonapp prompts. Is there any way I can connect domestic violence or being a minority to one of the prompts ? If so how? 
Oh and also if any of you would like to review my essay that’d be much appreciated 
From the way you have described your essay, I think it could fit in the first prompt. “Some students have a background, identity, or talent that is so meaningful…” This sounds like part of your background.
Oh I thought it meant “background” as in where I am from. I wasn’t sure.
Thank you
Let me start by saying I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time. And then to suggest you change your user name to protect your anonymity a bit better.
OK, to the essay. For starters it sounds like 2 different essays. Remember, you only have 650 words.
Make sure your essay doesn’t sound like a bid for pity. The point behind this essay is to “give them a reason to say yes.” It’s not therapy or Confession or an audition for reality TV. It’s an attempt to give them a tiny little look into the reasons that your parents, your best friend, your favorite teacher and your someday spouse all think the world of you. You want the reader to finish your essay and think “Now THAT’S the kind of kid we want on campus”-- and you only have 650 words to do so. You want to come off as someone who rises above rough circumstances, someone who takes action when action is required.
Oh yes, how exactly do you change your username here?
Well it’s hard to explain the way I wrote my essay. I started it off with like a scene “…The clock read 12:00pm.” Then I went into my families domestic violence situation, how it changed me and how it has inspired me to volunteer for organizations such as SFF. I guess I should write another essay.
The problem is this years prompts are hard to connect what I wrote about to.
As @thestar commented above, would being in a domestic violence situation be part of my background?
@karlamabellora It definitely would fit in the first prompt. It is a period in your life that was very formative and significant to who you are now. It is a part of your background.
Alright thanks :)) @thestar
It would be a part of your background, true.
But does it “Give them a reason to say yes”??? That’s the litmus test here-- does your essay make the person reading it want to admit you to their school??
If you can devote a sentence or two to your background, and then talk about how you’ve grown from this horrible situation, about how you’re using your background to help others-- then I think you may have something.
Don’t spend too many words on the background though-- remember, it’s all about giving them a reason to say yes. Your point isn’t to get them to donate to a shelter for battered families, it’s to get them to say yes. Those are 2 entirely different essays. You have only 650 words to make that impression. Use them well.
Good luck!
Your background is any part of your life story that is important to who you are. It could work as long as you make sure it is positive, how you have grown from the experience, if you help others in similar situations etc. you just don’t want it to be a sob story saying “pity me!” I would be willing to read it for you. PM me.
@bjkmom thanks! Now I have a better idea of what I have to work on. I think my essay is mostly me talking about how horrible it was rather than how it has impacted me and inspired me to do greater things in a sense. I think I’ll start off with the background thing then go from there, doesn’t sound too bad but I’m kinda having trouble with my hook?? The beginning of my essay is bland, I don’t think I should just begin with “My background…” Or something of that sort.
@readingclaygirl thanks! I PM’ed you.
Don’t worry about the intro. Start with the body, then go back for the intro.