My son was dismissed from his college due to failing grades. He was in trouble his first semester and I wanted him to come home, attend community college and perhaps return after he figured things out. My husband insisted he return, which he did and was placed on academic probation. Needless to say that didn’t help, he failed 3 classes, and earned a D in one and B in another (required probation class). He admits he was distracted by social, friends etc. He’s currently enrolled for summer courses at the local CC and he wants to continue there to earn his AA and perhaps return or transfer to 4 year college. My husband thinks he should appeal the dismissal and return to the college next semester because he hasn’t fully proven himself. The problem is 2of the classes he failed, he repeated the second semester, two classes that should not have been a great challenge to him. I would appreciate any advice.
There is no shame in going to the community college. Your son needs to build up some confidence and prove to himself…and any future college…that he can handle college level work. Clearly, he is not able to do so at his current college.
Your family has already spent a lot of money for very few credits that will transfer. Now is the time to do better than that.
Your son really should be the driver in terms of this decision. It sounds like he is very willing to attend the community college.
To be honest, I agree with the CC choice for your son at this time. The current college is not meeting his academic needs at this time.
Remind your husband that staying at that particular college is not the goal. The career after college is the goal. Completing an AA and then either returning to the first college or transferring to a different one is an excellent plan. Your son is on the right track here.
While I think that appeals and the like have their place for some students, for other students and families it’s too often used as a way to avoid letting go of the past. The fact is, he did screw up and he did fail those classes. No appeal can change that.
However, that’s in the past now. Getting mired in the appeals process would just be consuming time and energy that he could be using on his classes. It sounds like your son has set some mature and responsible goals for himself in finishing his AA before transferring back to a four-year school. You already tried your husband’s approach once and it ended up being a waste of time and money. It may be time to let your son make this decision.
I agree with all the above that appealing the decision is a bad idea. Even if successful (unlikely), he is apparently not mature enough at this point to handle that environment. I am sorry to be so blunt, but he needs to grow up more first, it would appear. The students that succeed at college are able to discipline themselves enough to study when they have to and say no to their friends when they have papers due or an exam the next day. He has not demonstrated that ability, despite the warning of a shaky first semester. I think your husband is hoping against hope that he will somehow change. It is hard to change when you don’t have the tools with which to do so.
I am not sure that attending CC locally will improve that situation. He might be better off working for a year and then going back, and living on his own and paying his own way while doing it. Or there are military style schools for young people that have these issues. They spend a year there, learn some discipline, and then return to regular colleges. I know that sounds extreme to many, but they exist for a reason. There are more people (young men usually) that have these issues than you might think. It will serve him well his entire life to learn these habits now.
Again, not trying to be harsh. It is just that I have seen this many times and this often works. Just adding another possibility to the discussion, which I assume is what you are looking for.
If your family has the resources to do so, you might compromise by enrolling your son at a CC away from home, near his former 4-year college. That CC is likelier to have a good transfer agreement which might improve your son’s odds were he to re-apply in the future. This isn’t a great idea if you believe his friends at college were a bad influence. It’s a little risky, but in some cases the chance to live out of the dorms, work part-time, while retaining links to that community, can work. There are some strong arguments against taking this route, but it’s worth discussing.
He should stay at the CC.
My friend’s son was “asked not to return” after his first semester freshman year. He enrolled at the CC, got his AA and then transferred to another 4 year college to complete his BA. He graduated and is gainfully employed.
Agree with EmilyBee on this one. This student needs to get a good track record in terms of courses and grades. Perhaps living at home, and commuting will help. Also, perhaps taking less than a full courseload will help…and work the way up to a full course load.
The student wants to go to the CC. In my house,math at would be the deciding factor.
And flunking out for a third time…would NOT NOT NOT be beneficial…in any way shape or form. And that could easily happen if he returns to the current college.
“He admits he was distracted by social, friends etc.”
I wonder if there’s more going in here than meets the eye. Sometimes when a kid is having a tough time academically, they decide that if they are going to fail, they might as well say that it’s because they didn’t try, were distracted by friends, etc… - because there’s a worry at the back of their minds that ‘I was too dumb to succeed.’ But often, this kind of across the board academic failure is pointing to a learning disability that had been successfully camouflaged in high school. You might want to check.
I also think an objective third party, perhaps a family psychologist, might be useful to you, your husband and your son in talking about what not returning to college means to each of you, in the hope of getting everyone on the same page. You don’t want divergent agendas, self-blame, or anything else to interfere with finding a constructive solution to your son’s needs. You obviously all care deeply and want the best possible outcome for him.
A buddy of mine from college failed out of the first university he attended, went to CC, did well enough to transfer to a different university, and did pretty well at the 2nd university.
The local CC makes good sense. Agree with N’s mom that it would be useful to dig a little deeper as to what happened. Also, with regard to your husband’s POV: nah. Lots of parents get sucked into the, ‘my kid’s at insertnamehere college so we must be great parents’ vs. my son needs to take a different path and we’re going to support that approach wholeheartedly.
To me, your son already got that “second chance” and did not make the most of it.
Is he not ready for college? Is he not ready for THAT college?
I think your DH pushing for what he wants instead of your son planning what he wants will end in more failed grades and wasted money.
I agree with other posters…I think you need to find out the real issue.
Does son not want to attend college?
Is that college too difficult?
Does he want to major in something else?
Does he not know what he wants to major in at all?
Are there drug issues?
Mental health issues?
Clearly that environment is not working for him…
I think I would ask him if he wants to get a full time job, go to CC, or join the military?
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and I wanted him to come home, attend community college and perhaps return after he figured things out. My husband insisted he return,
My husband thinks he should appeal the dismissal and return to the college next semester because he hasn’t fully proven himself.
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Your H is having trouble admitting that he was wrong. Your son was given a second chance and “proved” that he’s not ready for college.
Have him work for a semester, and then go to a CC for spring.
Who is paying for all these failed semesters?
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“He admits he was distracted by social, friends etc.”
The problem is 2of the classes he failed, he repeated the second semester, two classes that should not have been a great challenge to him.
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I’m guessing that he didn’t go to many classes EITHER semester…slept in after being up late with friends and parties. So, the challenge existed because he wasn’t in class learning.
I appreciate all your repliesI will carefully consider your suggestions.